I am the opposite of Hamilton Farnsleyworth, or whatever the name of the drug bison is that Vice employs to unbalance his mind. I’m only in my teens and I’ve only been doing drugs for about two years and now I have to quit because every time anything moves in front of my eyes I see track marks and I can’t have a shit without checking behind the shower curtain. Here is a small encyclopaedia of how not to get high if you’re looking to have a nice life and not feel like your sanity is bubbling out from your ears. Read more »
Posted on September 7th, 2009 | 23 Comments
Tagged: bad trip, cocaine, drugs are for mugs, E, Magic Mushrooms, speed, weed
I was strictly a consumer of weed for nearly 19 years before I became a weed hustler. In all that time, almost every guy or girl that I bought weed from was more or less an asshole. Still, I have a soft spot for all those people. Every prickly asshole has their charms. I’m convinced, however, that it doesn’t have to be that way, and I very conscientiously make a huge effort to be a very warm, friendly, honest, and ultra-respectful alternative to the hundreds of impersonal large slave delivery services. It helps that I genuinely like people, and most of my clients are people that I genuinely look forward to seeing. Read more »
Posted on July 16th, 2009 | 15 Comments
Tagged: dealer, dope, sneaky leaf, weed
I’m moving house again, which means I’ve got to deal with the treasure trove of perverse crap the previous tenants decided was too dark to move with them into their new life. I’ve always made some effort to clear my flat before moving out. You know, get rid of the old birthday cards, empty pill bottles, and nude posters of Paul Rudd. But I am, it seems, in the minority because every single room, flat, and house I’ve moved in to has been awash with the detritus of the person who lived there before me. Read more »
Posted on July 15th, 2009 | 10 Comments
Tagged: condoms, Gross, moving house, weed, ]dildos
Every tax-paying citizen has an armed militia protecting their private property. If someone steals or threatens that property, the police will jail or blow the head off of anyone resisting or threatening them. As a weed dealer, I don’t have that protection. Read more »
Posted on June 25th, 2009 | 19 Comments
Tagged: dealing, Drugs, weed, zen
Every time you smoke a joint of sensimilla, you’ve got pussy on your brain! The resin female plants excrete is their sex juice, and these lovely ladies can reproduce from almost any point on their body. I know this is super basic shit that just about everyone who’s ever taken a bong rip knows, but it leads me to an important pair of questions: Is this why the clientele of almost every weed dealer I know is predominately male? And is the copious amount of marijuana I ingest the reason why I’m willing to bend the rules and deliver my goods to women who live in extremely dangerous “red zone” areas? Read more »
Posted on June 19th, 2009 | 16 Comments
Tagged: Drugs, New York, weed
I have been so caught up in the nuanced and terrifying world of Spice Gold that I totally failed to notice that weed (actual plant-derived weed) might soon become legal in California. Not just for people with made up anxiety disorders but for everyone over 21, and not only legal but taxed like hard liquor!
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Posted on February 24th, 2009 | 13 Comments
Tagged: California, legalised cannabis, weed
Growing up in Marin County, CA I was witness to what I like to think of as the freakiest examples of girls doing crazy shit to themselves to look good in Not A Girl Not Yet A Woman-era pube-hat jeans. Eating disorders are sad. But they’re also responsible for the funniest diets I’ve ever heard of.
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Posted on January 22nd, 2009 | 9 Comments
Tagged: bacon, barf, chicks, diets, weed
