Sometimes an unexpected shit-facing happens and you are way past too drunk to lay down and sleep without the miserable circus music of your brain taking a swirly, jelly, clammy vibrating boat ride. But relief is just a throw up away. And it is sorta like masturbating, where you gotta procure the right image in your brain to successfully eject. Ham, in and of itself, works. It’s so close to being human-y flavored and like licking a custardy dead baby.
Read more »
Posts Tagged ‘vomit’
From whenceforth vomit
It happened: I hurled in front of a classroom of 8-year-old Bengali kids
I moved to east London from Chicago two months ago with the incredibly responsible plan of being a supply teacher, when in reality I moved to get drunk and fuck anything with an accent and a club night. But I’m the best supply teacher you could ever want – I wear too-short skirts, gossip with the (8-year-old) girls about which of the seven Mohammeds in class they have a crush on, as if I were their friend, and let everyone do whatever the hell they want all day while I fantasise about banging the hot year 5 teacher in the bathroom at lunch to a soundtrack of Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher”.
