10. The River Nile, most of Africa
The midday heat burns into your soul. The banks are twitching with life. A Nubian sailor beats a drum. “Those guys have rhythm”, you think, like the racist you are. The river does not end, for it is long, the longest of them all. You are going into the heart of the land. Darkness rises. Marlon Brando waits.
What the hell is this, Christmas in Micronesia? Come on. Your culture has been dealing with winter for 26 centuries. I think you can come up with something a little more professional than draping yourself in the sofa blanket and bathroom rug like they’re animal pelts. You look like a fucking Ikea Viking.
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Its easy to hate these kitschy, neat-as-a-pin garage types on principle, but tell me this: Can you name another look that fits as perfectly on every single rung of the ladder from sober to shitting in the sink?
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