For three months now I’ve been living with a prostitute. And, much like any job, over time, she has made friends with her fellow professionals (streetwalking, not-at-all classy friends). Yay! This means by default most of my recent nights in have been spent sitting around my living room with a bunch of whores, listening to them gossip over stories of differing brands of thrush creams and their ever-sagging labia. They always use up all the tea bags, and I swear the other day one of them stole a pair of my tights. But whatever, in the end it’s worth having the skanks around for all the riveting and disgusting stories they tell. Here are a few of the best ones I’ve heard recently. Read more »
Posted on November 19th, 2009 | 9 Comments
Tagged: living with them, prostitutes, Sex
Of all animals, having sex with birds is the most impractical. Firstly, the buggers can fly, which makes them tough to woo/catch. Once you have pinned them down they probably flap like hell anyway, shedding telltale feathers everywhere. There’s also a clearly impractical size disparity. Whereas a cow, donkey, horse or other usual targets for animal lust, might not be too bothered by certain types of violation, screwing a bird will probably push its brains out through its eyes. Read more »
Posted on November 9th, 2009 | 11 Comments
Tagged: Avisodomy, birds, Hustler, Larry Flynt, Marquis de Sade, Sex, The A to Z of Sexual History
Good-golly Ms. Molly. This week Ron has received yet another dilemma involving a blossoming romantic relationship—two to be precise. It’s like the guy is turning into Dr. Phil, except he’s “bigger, blacker, and much more handsome.” While that may be true, they are both bald. Anyway, keep reading for Ron’s short and sweet answer to this week’s problemo.
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Posted on October 21st, 2009 | 16 Comments
Tagged: dating, Hey Ron!, Sex
Sexual education books are hardly necessary anymore: the internet will teach kids everything they need to know, and usually even more (DVDA, look it up!). But the funny thing is that some sex-ed books that were published in the last century can’t have helped any children at all to grow into sexually healthy adults. We know this because we met Jasper Smit recently, a Dutch comedian with one of the biggest collections of sex-ed books in Holland. And because we’re a bunch of rotten dirtbags, we immediately asked him for the nastiest things in his possession. “Most of the books we have are neat and sweet and give you decent advice, like that you shouldn’t have sex with someone if you don’t like the other person”, Jasper said. “But then I also have these books that will make them scared to death of masturbation and fill them with a lifelong repulsion of everything that has to do with sex.” We yelled at him to show us. And he did. Kids, shield your eyes – some stuff’s ahead.
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Posted on October 13th, 2009 | 8 Comments
Tagged: education, Jasper Smit, Literary, masturbating with a spiked cock ring, Sex
It was bad enough when AIDS activists tried to convince every middle-class kid from the suburbs that they were just as likely to catch HIV as the heroin-shooting power-bottom in the back bathroom of the Eagle. We thought we’d finally called them out on their bullshit, but they’ve just pulled their trump card: Not using condoms makes you Hitler. I swear, if you were able to send your TV ten years into the future it would come back with debate shows where each side just yells “That’s like Hitler!” “That’s like Hitler!” “That’s like Hitler!” Click below for the whole horrible G-string tearing, mammaries rubbing thing.
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Posted on September 7th, 2009 | 32 Comments
Tagged: aids, Hitler, Sex
My twenty-one year old flatmate is becoming a whore. Most people turn to prostitution out of desperation. My flatmate, on the other hand, is doing it because she’s horny. Since I met Jane she’s always been into weird, fucked-up sex – stuff like getting fat hairy pervs she found on the internet to fuck her with household appliances. But now she’s taking her love of the perverse to the next level and becoming a full-on hooker. As of yet she hasn’t had full sex with any of her clients, but she’s done other stuff like humiliating rich men in public for cash, and acting as a professional girlfriend. Read more »
Posted on September 2nd, 2009 | 42 Comments
Tagged: diary, flatmate, prostitution, Sex
Why is it that dickwads feel the need to send us gross emails endlessly? That nude chap above isn’t anything to do with the letter, but we had a feeling he’d get on with the author of the rather worrying letter beneath. Read more »
Posted on September 1st, 2009 | 33 Comments
Tagged: balls, Dear Vice, Sex, shite
We found that moronic blog about sitting on babies a little bit ago, and shortly thereafter an intern in our Berlin office realized that he was sincerely into crushing. (Where do we find these people? Can someone normal please apply?) It got so serious that he grew himself a nice little fetish. Through the internet, where misled dreams are exonerated, he found his dream girl, Sandy, and interviewed her.
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Posted on July 9th, 2009 | 15 Comments
Tagged: crush, fetishism, Sex
This week Ron unravels one tricky ball of yarn involving a dude, his best bud, and the ex-girlfriend who has come between them. Due to Ron’s budding popularity, we’ve built him a new private office so he can have complete silence to contemplate his invaluable life advice.
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Posted on July 8th, 2009 | 19 Comments
Tagged: cheating, Hey Ron!, romance, Sex
The first time I smoked pot right before sex was in college with my girlfriend. I didn’t know shit about herb then and didn’t know what strain my girlfriend was repeatedly loading into her one-hitter. Read more »
