So this kid hasn’t shown up yet. I don’t know what his deal is. I have the laziest kid on earth. I fear for his development. Or perhaps I am an unfit father who should have purchased him a watch so he could know what time it is and that HE’S FIVE DAYS LATE ALREADY. He was supposed to show Saturday. No dice. No sign on Sunday. Then I got a hundred “clever” emails and texts saying stuff like: Read more »
Remember when I used to piss and moan about not being able to get my wife, Cris Nieratko, pregnant? Man, those were the days. At least back then I was getting laid. Now I’m looking at six weeks until Christopher II: The Foetus Strikes Back is released and it’s all baby, all the time. No more yanky my wanky.
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Oh, this is horrible. I generally have a strong policy against feeling bad about anything I do ever but this one is eating away at me. I can’t sleep at night, I feel awful. You see, I have impregnated another woman (not my wife). I feel like Elliot Spitzer or one of the many other famous pieces of shit that gets wrapped up in scandal such as this. I have a feeling this is going to make things weird between me and my wife. Especially since, you know, our own kid is due in three months. Read more »
When my girlfriend got pregnant, instead of getting an expensive abortion, we managed to drink, bump and pop our little foetus away in less than three days. We had an unplanned miscarriage that lasted about four minutes. Guilt-free and released from the trauma of undergoing a hospital procedure we managed to emerge from an unexpected pregnancy with no baby and no hard feelings. Read more »
On the whole, do you think society is becoming more or less sensitive to the profoundly mentally ill now that a lot of their care providers are in the private sector?
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Spring is a special time for teenagers in New York. The days are growing longer, flowers are in bloom, and once again the world is their parents' living room.
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