First it was being gay, then it was being a nonce and now it’s jerking off. The Ancient Greeks were a salacious bunch. Maybe the scholars amongst you already knew this, but according to history’s educated perverts, wanking, apparently, is sacred. Yup. Can you hear that sound? The one a bit like the slapping of a sausage against a rubber glove? A gentle creak of the mattress? The soft vibrations of an electric toothbrush in an all girl dormitory? That, my friends, is the sound of a million 14-year-olds celebrating the best news since Ritalin.
