The idea that someone out there is designed just for you is beautiful. All you have to do is find your soul mate and life will be perfect. It’s as though the only reason you have a shitty job and an ugly kid is because you haven’t met this person yet, but when you do everything will be amazing. You’ll be eating rainbows for breakfast and riding around on a vacuum cleaner made of orgasms and you’ll be able to quit your shitty job, because you’ll subsist off of happiness. Even your ugly kid will transform into a nice leather sectional. The only thing you’ve got to do is get out there and find that one special someone. But how? We don’t fucking know, so we called an expert on finding people: Stephen Ryan, head of the Nova Scotia Missing Persons Association.
Posts Tagged ‘Love’
Get out there and find someone!
I’m in love with an XTube profile
I have a very obscured libido. It shows up only for heavily regretted party appearances after much coaxing by sexy things like alcohol and dim lighting and lies we tell ourselves and meth. But I do end up roaming XTube quite a bit—frequent searches include “wheelchairs” and “obese”—but other than that my desires do not go unfulfilled because I have no desires. Well, until the other day when, like the sexy, feminist Louisiana breeze that overcame that chick in The Awakening, I myself became awake (like that) to the whims of XTube user ICARUSFALLING. Desperate and needy like the rest of you adults (and only adults are reading this, yes? If not, you need to shoo) once more, I am changed.
