When a son of a healer in a small Zimbabwe village moved to London and became a senior nurse, he noticed a whole lotta people with festering sores that weren’t getting any better. So he dumped some granulated sugar in the wounds, just like his father and grandfather used to do, and wouldn’t you know it, it drastically helped. Sweet. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) Now he’s been given a fancy medical grant to study this healing phenomenon, and we find it absolutely despicable. Clearly this is another case of white people co-opting black culture.
Posted on October 15th, 2009 | 5 Comments
Tagged: London, Medical, sugar, voodoo
According to some people, if you want to go out on the pull, conventional wisdom says that you go with your friend who has that giant goiter and a weeping facial wound. Some crappy scientists have officially subscribed to this theory, presumably to drum up publicity for science and get more funding for research into how to blast meteorites out of Earth’s trajectory. Unfortunately, some other scientists disagree totally and think that you’ve got to stand with someone so insurmountably hotter than you so the glory will reflect back on your nasty face. In an effort to get to the bottom of this heated debate, I was photographed while standing next to the assorted masses of London to see which made me look sexiest. Judge me. I can take it.
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Posted on September 14th, 2009 | 97 Comments
Tagged: attractive people, bikini, cleaning man, goiter, Hugh Hefner, London, male model, modernist paintings, rifle, short people, ugle people
Unless all of those Booze Britain cockumentaries are deceiving me and the shutter sunglasses-wearing bastards at shit music festivals are just pretending, we British are a people who love to party. This is the nation that championed E, that invented binge drinking, and which has the highest teenage pregnancy rate in all of Europe. We’re fucking party monsters, real good time people, P.A.R.T.Why? Because we gotta etc., etc. But just how hard does London go?
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Posted on August 10th, 2009 | 8 Comments
Tagged: booze britain, London, partying, vox pop
After Mr Son of God himself, David Shayler, had been so accommodating in letting me spend an evening in his squat with his friends, it seemed only fair that I returned the hospitality. So a couple of days later I arranged to meet David, or Dolores once the wig is on, to spend a day out in London, soaking in the culture as Vice picked up the tab. Read more »
Posted on August 7th, 2009 | 10 Comments
Tagged: David Shayler, David Shayler: Reluctant Messiah, London, tour
Anthony Gormley’s taken some time off from casting his impressive physique to take over Trafalgar Square’s unoccupied fourth plinth from Monday. I went down to see how the project was faring. Read more »
Posted on July 10th, 2009 | 5 Comments
Tagged: Anthony Gormley, art, Fourth Plinth, London, Trafalgar Square
If I was trying to take the sense of decency out of a place I’d call it something that sounded a bit like the word “minge” was being sick. It would sound something like Penge. I went to Penge in South London the other day, it was rubbish. Here are some pictures. Read more »
Posted on April 16th, 2009 | 31 Comments
Tagged: London, penge
I’m a pussy, yes. But I didn’t go to private school and I don’t like Belle and Sebastian - so I have no excuse. I’m just a pussy. And so are my friends. I have quite a lot of stories which revolve around other people exposing the pussy-ness I try and hide behind my bad-ass music taste and this is one of them.
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Posted on March 3rd, 2009 | 35 Comments
Tagged: fighting, Humiliating stories of being a pussy in London Town, London
While bankers took London’s recent snow as a chance to have fucking snow fights (nice one guys, you’ve certainly earned the right to take your eye off the ball for a mo), school kids, students, artists, the demented, lewd aristocrats, douche-bags, mad barren dames, playful Freudians, childish punks, street photographers, men-child publicans and closeted gay men used the snow to build big white dicks. This page is full of cocks.
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Posted on February 5th, 2009 | 13 Comments
Tagged: Dirty Whirlwind, London, snow cocks
The other day I spent more than a day’s wages on a (as in one single) bra from Agent Provocateur. Without getting too sassy and SATC, I will simply ask: why do chicks do this? I’ve spoken to seemingly-reasonable women who spend something like £1000 per year on undergarments, and yet lingerie is something that no one sees, ever, unless they do, in which case, if it is doing its job right, it won’t be on for longer than four minutes tops. I have a couple theories I’m playing around with here.
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Posted on February 4th, 2009 | 22 Comments
Tagged: agent provocateur, An American In London, bras, girls, lingerie, London, underwear
Last night my friend the celebrity garbage thief struck again. This time taking Keira Knightley’s rubbish.
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Posted on January 5th, 2009 | 47 Comments
Tagged: celebrities, London, stealing trash
A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine stole some rubbish from outside of Gwen Stefani’s London home. The haul consisted of two bottles of mineral water (I looked on google and couldn’t find out how much this costs per bottle, but I’m pretty sure it’s from M+S so it was probs pretty pricey), a Nobbly Bobbly wrapper (which contains 158 calories), a partially used pack of Caspari tissues (four-ply!! I didn’t even know that existed) and a torn, wet page from a Dora the Explorer colouring book. With the credit crunch and the carbon footprint and the impending recession and the global warming I figured it would be best to recycle it all rather than sell it on eBay or throw it away.
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Posted on December 3rd, 2008 | 59 Comments
Tagged: celebrities, London, stealing trash
