One of the downsides of being a doctor is you can’t switch it off. I can be standing next to someone in the supermarket and smell their kidney infection. I can spot scabies on the arms of a man scratching next to me on the tube. And when it comes to sex, I would know exactly who to throw out my bed the minute they take off their trousers. Actually, in that area it is potentially quite useful. No, that rash is not caused by your new tight jeans, and no, that wart has not always been there. No matter how drunk you are or how long the dry patch has been, there are certain genital horrors that are best avoided or you will be pissing puss, bleeding from your mouth and crying to your doctor that honestly, you’re not a slut, it’s just bad luck. It is incredible that the source of so much pleasure can be the location of so much pestilence. So in the name of clean canker-free bits, behold my mini guide to STDs. Don’t click through if you are unwell, underage, or ever want to have sex again. Read more »
