Click through to read this gem from our just-discovered 1994 issue of Vice, where we talk to a crust punk about Leptospirosis and the plague. Read more »
Posts Tagged ‘Germany’
Stitching up faces at Oktoberfest
We all know what the Wiesn (what Germans call Octoberfest) looks like: shitloads of Bavarians and even more Italians and Australians trying to look like Bavarians. What happens is also fairly well-known: visiting the amusement park or drinking beer. Or both. Continually. For three days. It’s also a good place to meet paramedics. Read more »
Almost Famous
Shirt by Cheap Monday and jacket by Ben Sherman
If one fashion shoot of us recreating your favourite film scenes with regular people wasn’t enough, here’s another!
Iron Maiden and broken hearts
I actually don’t know much about Iron Maiden apart from the fact that the singer has got a terrible voice and they love to wear spandex. But today was striking, because it is a rare moment to actually see someone split up in public (OK, except for the celebrities) but it’s even more unusual when a die-hard fan splits from his favorite band, like ever, in public.
Germans are better at stealing than me
German anti-theft watchdogs believe that every twelfth person to enter a supermarket in Berlin is a shoplifter. The first time you’re caught they stick you with a €50 fine. Therefore, statistics tell us that the average shoplifter gets caught every fiftieth time. So as long as you’re stealing more than a euro worth of merch every time you hit up the supermarket, you still come out of it in the clear. There is the nasty aspect of a criminal record, but who on earth is ever going to find out about that? (I’ve never even seen my birth certificate.) Anyway, I’ve just moved to Berlin so I thought I’d join in. Read more »
Neo-Nazi adventure camp on the run
Ten pound says that yesterday, at some point, some idiot looked smugly in your direction (as though they were the only people with enough guts and education to do it) and said: “So, today it’s Hitler’s birthday…”. That’s the intro to the most boring conversation you will ever have. Sigh. Everybody knows everything about Hitler, and we can probably all agree he wasn’t the main benefactor of the 20th century. But there are some idiots out there who think he was, and who think he still is now, and they’re running neo-Nazi adventure camps for kids. Minister of the Interior Wolfgang Schäuble recently banned Heimattreue Deutsche Jugend (for non-Sausage-eaters that translates to Patriotic German Youth), and once again pictures of dishcloths with Nazi runes are all over the German newspapers. Everyone is like, “OMG, I can’t believe they made neo-Nazi summer camps for kids!” and then, “Well, thanks to Mr. Schäuble this is over now.” But the truth is that HDJ has seen this coming for a while now, and it’s just a matter of when, where, and how they’ll erect new structures to ensure the Nazi ideologies are passed on to the next generation. Or to be more precise, how long it’s going to take until they’re discovered and banned again.
German laughing sounds like crying
So here’s a chin-scritcher for you: What do you do when God hands you a real-life tale of a German woman who dialed the emergency police because she thought she heard someone off in the Elmstein woodland being tortured, but when the cops showed up armed and ready for some freaky shit they discovered nope, it was just a lunatic laughing his ass off at a book he was reading? Do you try to make yet another fucking joke about Germans having no sense of humor that somehow conveys how stereotypes exist for a reason, even though that setup is about as stale as any metaphor gearing up to make a real zinger about things being stale? Because lame as it is, it’s really tempting. Or do you just try to find out what book the spaz was reading? Exactly. OK, so this guy’s name is Roland Hofmann. Anyone who finds the info gets a Tootsie Roll.
Air guns aren’t sex toys (or arse air conditioners)
It’s common knowledge that if you form an airtight seal with both sets of lips and blow into a girl’s vag while eating her out it’ll send a breath pocket straight into her bloodstream and will kill her. But I guess that bit of information doesn’t hit gay men such as the two Germans who were so turned on by their day of hard labor together that they had to come up with some lame excuse to play their kinky sex games at work. “Oh, he was super sweaty so I wanted to cool him down with this air gun,” my ass. Well, not my ass. His ass. Which is now exploded from putting an air gun in there. Sad things happen when you can’t control your libido, folks
