Ibiza, the white island, is not only a place where it’s acceptable for middle-aged men to sweat and grind on the beaches to 90s Tiesto, it is also a place where you can spend 15 Euro on a bottle of water and have a teenager suck your balls for a sniff. Moroccans selling sugar are welcome here, as are troops of “workers” who sell pacha, King of Club tickets, laughing gas, sex toys, or harem pants and ketamine spoons on the beach. These are often good kids who work as face painters by day and sell “comfort in your hole” by night. At least this is exactly what 21-year-old Jenny, peddler of ketamine spoons and harem pants, has been doing.
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Posted on October 6th, 2009 | 3 Comments
Tagged: cheap chic, dance clubs, Drugs, harem pants, Ibiza, ketamine spoons, total scum
OK, it’s been two weeks since we last heard from Sneaky Leaf. Hopefully he’s fine and that–no, wait, we’re not even gonna finish that sentence. But really, dude was so worried about what might happen on account of his memoirs on this blog that he started off handwriting each column and faxing it, and then got even more paranoid so he started having them delivered to the office by hand. And then one day, poof! Gone. Hopefully he’ll turn up soon. In the meantime, take a click down there to enjoy some high-kickin’ little colts who’ve formed a conceptual screamo boy band that’s one guy onstage and the rest in a choreographed mosh pit. No correlation to Sneaky Leaf or weed or anything, just wanted to console ourselves with something.
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Posted on July 30th, 2009 | 13 Comments
Tagged: Drugs, screamo, sneaky leaf
A dentist friend treated a woman who had done so much cocaine it had rotted a hole between her nose and mouth, as well as perforating her septum. That shits on Daniella Westbrook. This woman had a 3cm by 1.5cm wide black rancid pit on the roof of her mouth through which her rotting nose would drip. Her mouth was her brain’s own colostomy bag. Read more »
Posted on June 30th, 2009 | 45 Comments
Tagged: cocaine, Death, doctors, Drugs
Every tax-paying citizen has an armed militia protecting their private property. If someone steals or threatens that property, the police will jail or blow the head off of anyone resisting or threatening them. As a weed dealer, I don’t have that protection. Read more »
Posted on June 25th, 2009 | 19 Comments
Tagged: dealing, Drugs, weed, zen
Every time you smoke a joint of sensimilla, you’ve got pussy on your brain! The resin female plants excrete is their sex juice, and these lovely ladies can reproduce from almost any point on their body. I know this is super basic shit that just about everyone who’s ever taken a bong rip knows, but it leads me to an important pair of questions: Is this why the clientele of almost every weed dealer I know is predominately male? And is the copious amount of marijuana I ingest the reason why I’m willing to bend the rules and deliver my goods to women who live in extremely dangerous “red zone” areas? Read more »
Posted on June 19th, 2009 | 16 Comments
Tagged: Drugs, New York, weed
It took less than a minute for two guys and their steel-reinforced Timberland boots to kick in my friend Marvin’s door. Neighbors said they both had handguns drawn and ready for a shootout if necessary. But whoever stormed in and stole a pound of weed and about 80 grams of primo hash probably didn’t expect a fight because they knew Marvin and his schedule pretty well. These guys hit his place hard, exactly at the time he left every day to meet his girlfriend who worked in Manhattan.
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Posted on June 11th, 2009 | 16 Comments
Tagged: dealer, Drugs, sneaky leaf
When my girlfriend got pregnant, instead of getting an expensive abortion, we managed to drink, bump and pop our little foetus away in less than three days. We had an unplanned miscarriage that lasted about four minutes. Guilt-free and released from the trauma of undergoing a hospital procedure we managed to emerge from an unexpected pregnancy with no baby and no hard feelings. Read more »
Posted on June 10th, 2009 | 25 Comments
Tagged: abortion, baby, Drugs, pregnant
If you live in New York (or any big city for that matter), you know how much of a bummer weed-delivery guys can be. They’re always showing up late, skimping you on the weight, and are generally pretty miserable human beings. But not Sneaky Leaf, our resident “guy” with Santa Claus-sized sacks full of marijuana. He shows up on time (and has the courtesy to call you if he’s going to be even five minutes late), has a multitude of varieties to choose from, offers referral discounts, and is just one hell of a nice guy. So one day when we were buying something with a name like Blueberry Pink Skullcrusher 2000X Beast Stink Marmaduke Midge Tickler, we said, “Hey, Sneaky Leaf, why don’t you write a column that simultaneously expounds your weed buff tendencies while exploring your undoubtedly interesting backlog of drug-dealing stories?” And to our surprise he said, “Sure.” So here it is… the first installment of Sneaky Leaf’s Diary of a Dealer. Enjoy! Read more »
Posted on June 4th, 2009 | 26 Comments
Tagged: dealing, dope, Drugs, sneaky leaf
In an amazingly forward-thinking move, Sutton Council have built a huge, hi-tech training facility for kids. The Life Centre will include an indoor street where youngsters can practice joining street gangs, buying drugs, and crossing roads. Read more »
Posted on May 8th, 2009 | 4 Comments
Tagged: children, Crime, Drugs, gangs, grooming, sutton, youth training
Mephedrone is a drug that you can buy on the internet that’s been described as a cross between cocaine and MDMA. It’s been doing the rounds in gay clubs for a while but now it’s crossing over into straight places. It’s not been illegalised yet and, as it only costs £60 for six grammes, we had one of our writers get some and made him go on a bit of a bender with it. The interview you read below was done two days after doing the first line and was conducted about three hours after the hallucinations and panic attacks had subsided. Read more »
Posted on April 14th, 2009 | 57 Comments
Tagged: champlegals, Drugs, legal cocaine, MDMA, Mephedrone
On Friday my buddy was like, “Want to split a 60 from the jar guy?” I was like TOTALLY! You see, the jar guy is not for the masses and a close connection is required to obtain his services. The other option is the overpriced baggie of some powder that resembles cocaine but would more likely test positive for drano and baking powder. I even had an empty jar from weeks earlier sitting around for such an occasion, so splitting it up would be a breeze… unless disaster struck. Read more »
Posted on April 7th, 2009 | 30 Comments
Tagged: cocaine, disaster, Drugs, New York
When you get high on Datura, there’s no real period of coming up. Everything seems normal, and then you look over at the table and there’s fuzz on it, and you know things are different. Datura is to mushrooms what cholera is to diarrhea. These are a couple of drawings of the monsters I tried to do after my trip.
I tripped on this shit almost four years ago. A bunch of us had been at an after hours and we all went back to a friend’s place. Eventually everybody left except me and my friend Stewie. It was Sunday afternoon by then and we were trying to figure out what to do. He asked me if I wanted to do some psychedelic tea, and my first thought was, “Yeah, whatever, psychedelic tea, like Sleepytime? Suuuuurrre.” I didn’t think it would be anything intense. I was totally fucking wrong.
We each drank a mug and waited half an hour, but nothing happened. I drank a bit more, but still nothing happened, so I drank even more. I ended up taking way more than Stewie.
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Posted on February 4th, 2009 | 12 Comments
Tagged: Canada, datura, Drugs
It’s lucky airport security are so shit because Rockwell is the kind of smoker who can’t bare to fly without weed.
Every time I travel by plane to another country I always have weed on me. Gothenburg, Dublin, Barcelona, Malaga, Edinburgh and Narita, Japan. I don’t mean like kilos of the shit, but enough to know that I’m not going to even go a single day without weed in a foreign country that I wouldn’t be able to pick up in. The only two places I’ve not smuggled weed into are JFK and Bangkok. JFK because I was there on work and knew I could get weed in NY and Bangkok because I didn’t want my hands chopped off or whatever. Oh wait, that’s a lie. I did bring some weed to Bangkok I think, just a little though.
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Posted on January 20th, 2009 | 14 Comments
Tagged: Drugs, Smuggling, Travel
