I’m guessing if you’re reading blogs in the middle of the day you are either unemployed, a student, or so lackluster at your job that you’re either on a really shitty wage, or work for a company so mismanaged that it’ll probably sink in the next three months. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, you’re probably no Richie Rich. But I bet you are real cultural, so a free bunch of art installations is your kind of thing. Read more »
Here is a secret you should not ever tell anyone: porn is boring. Wait, you already knew that it’s not taboo anymore so there’s no dirty thrill, and that kneehigh stockings and pigtails and baby-shaved, tattooed mons pubii don’t actually look all that great? Shucks. Well, it’s dying, hallelujah–its business model is being raped by the internet (which is a serial rapist that should be put on trial)–and death makes some people nostalgic. What to do to save it? Make it into a competitive sport. Competition, as we all know from corporate anti-tax lobbying groups, inspires innovation.
You may remember the time last week when we gave you all a heads-up on the new competition we are running with Olympus. It’s the one where you submit your photographs to one of the four mentors: Alice Dellal, Daisy Lowe, Lovefoxxx and Miquita Oliver, for a chance to win the camera God would love to own. All you have to do is go here, look at which category you want to submit your work to, send it in, and then you may win a brand new camera and have your work displayed in a central London gallery. Pretty good deal for doing pretty much piss all. But just to make it even easier, here are four videos explaining what each of the mentors is looking for in their winner’s work. Read more »
Man oh man. Do you remember when we told you that we were doing a competition where all you had to do was draw a design for a Flight of the Conchords t-shirt and you could get sent to New York? Well, it’s still going on now. But time is running out, and on the 21st it will, actually, have run out. So if you still want a trip to the capital of America then get your felt tips out. No matter what your feelings are about the programme, everyone must agree that there has never been a more noble and effective effort to denigrate Australians, and for that, we must all be grateful. As a bit of inspiration, above is our very own Ben Rayner’s submission. Good luck and so on.
To celebrate the 50th birthday of the classic Olympus PEN, and to celebrate the release of the new Olympus E-P1, we are staging a photography project. It’s a competition, and we know everyone loves them, so tuck in. But this competiton has the advantage of being mentored by attractive women, rather than the usual grizzled photographer types that we tend to get you. Read more »
In case you hadn’t noticed the subtle advertising on the homepage, we’re holding a competition with Levi’s 501 Jeans. To enter, you need to come up with a creative way to interpret the concept of “living unbuttoned” in the form of a large-scale art installation, which shouldn’t really be that difficult if you just lock yourself away for the weekend and surround yourself with undone shirts and blouses. Then maybe you could come up with a clever visual statement about how the spirit of stencil graffiti blows apart the startchy buttoned-up art world. Or not. Whatever. The point is that there are no rules, man. Levi’s don’t want to tell you who you are. They want to reflect it. With denim. Dynamic denim design. Enter here.
DVD box sets ate the sitting room about three years ago. Perhaps that’s why people started making television programmes actually worth rewatching for the first time since the ’80s. Obviously you’ve already got Mad Men, The Wire, and loads of Friends videos you can’t use anymore, but you probably don’t have Flight of the Concords season two, because it only came out on 3 August. You probably want it, so if you click here you can enter a competition to win it, and win a trip to New York – both of which would be sweet. You could watch the series on your laptop as you fly over while everyone else is watching Harry Potter 3 on the in-flight entertainment. Won’t you look swish?
We were having a heated debate last winter over an age-old corker: are balls grosser, or are vaginas? See, on one hand, balls are these puffed-out gelatinous creatures sprinkled with barbarian hair, and that’s pretty weird. On the other hand, though nuts can get saucy and develop their own curdles and whey, nothing comes from inside of them (unless something is seriously, seriously wrong). A vagina weeps. Uncontrollably. That’s a little nauseating to think about, isn’t it? Well, we couldn’t suss out an answer here so we decided that once the weather got a little nicer we’d hit the streets and ask the people what they think. And the people have spoken… Read more »
Festivals may be full of douches but it’s only real curmudgeons who actually hate them. What’s so bad about a massive weekend-long sleepover in a field haemorrhaging drug dealers and girls in skirts? Plus, while the main stage may always have The Kings of Leon playing on it, elsewhere there’s bound to be something decent, even if it’s just a hippy throwing Xanax against a drum. Throughout June we’re giving away free tickets to a different festival EVERY DAY. That’s a lot of chances to win tickets to a lot of festivals. Check out our festival page every day to enter.
Photo by Tony Dahlgren.
The sun is out, so odds are right now you can’t think of anywhere you’d rather be than Glastonbury. It’s a shame then that all your parents’ friends have already bought the tickets and are preparing to fill the Stone Circle with enormous bits of colourful plastic absolutely necessary for the entertainment of their silly brood. It’s lucky, then, that Orange are giving away Glastonbury tickets. All you have to do is tell them where a bull is going to be standing. Easy, right? Click here for deets. Read more »
VICE is searching for people who love going to festivals between the ages of 16-24 in the West Country area of Wiltshire. Yes, Wiltshire; you didn’t see that clause coming did you? You will need to be confident on camera, funny, witty, know your music, and tech savvy. Please send a photo of yourself along with a short description of yourself including your age and where you live to talent@viceuk.com. If you’re chosen, you’ll have a fun summer, we promise.
A colonoscopy may be inescapably important for anyone who has an anus that’s delivered the remains of a diet containing meat and booze but the thought of making a game of it sends chills down my cortex. And that’s exactly what CBS is doing, with their Colonoscopy Sweepstakes, a contest in which the winner receives a luxurious trip to New York and a good arse-reaming by a famous gastroenterologist. What can you expect if you’re the lucky winner? “The hardest part is the preparation the night before when you drink a laxative,” CBS explains. “This laxative is well known for declaring itself at the very moment you have called a relative or friend (or room service) to comment that…”—wait. Hang on. I don’t really want to shit my pants, but room service? Room service is included in this deal? Shit. Hm, OK, this is sounding good, but I interrupted. What else comes with this deal? “When the colonoscopy is about to begin, you’ll be given drugs which will make you feel like you’re at Woodstock.” So they’re going to get me stoned before they shove a camera up my ass? That sounds like a recipe for PTSD. Deal’s off. These guys are pervs.
BUCKINGHAM CUERVO
Fucking Department of Revunue cocksuckers think they can come into MY house and arrest me because that fucking whore was on the rag that day and decided to bitch about child support AGAIN. She fucking knows I’m broke and I got that DUI thing hanging over my head but n-o-o-o-o she’s got to open the shitgates on me and let it all come flooding... etc. etc.
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Wait, Grooverider? Are you kidding? The drum and bass guy? What are you, one of those Crazy Town morons that discovered E too late in life, had an epiphany, and now treats all that Ibiza garbage like it’s not a bunch of vapid megalomaniacs wasting everyone’s time being metrosexual hippies?
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