My wife gave birth to our baby…and it was one of those hairy dog boys.
Kidding.
But I am still half expecting the baby to be black. Those goddamn Verizon guys always waiting outside my house for their turn…
Posts Tagged ‘babies’
How many babies does Berlin not want?
The crisis, the fucking crisis, over and over. Now it’s come to the point where they had to close down a dog hatch (basically a McDrive, except that it’s the other way around and the critters are still alive) they just opened in Dallgow-Doberitz because the animal benefactors couldn’t accommodate the masses of dogs people wanted to get rid of. But what about children? I mean the human kind. Who cares about them?
France’s jizz drought
You shouldn’t mix your private life with your professional one. For instance, if my editor had not known I were the father of a 5-year-old he never would have proposed that I volunteer for a silly investigation into the reported sperm donor shortage in France. Of the 350 donors in 2006, only 250 were selected, giving birth to 1,122 babies. And despite a big ad campaign last year, the rate remains too low–parents asking for frozen cum will have to wait up to two years to get their hands on a sample. So of course I could not refuse the charitable opportunity to jerk off with a purpose or to potentially inseminate a famous Parisian actress dating an impotent French writer.
Sitting on babies
We can get behind the old standby of using someone’s face as a stool. Cake-sitting is even semi-acceptable, mostly because it’s pretty funny to watch. But people really get off on watching a self-described “big butt mistress” smoosh the heads of plastic baby dolls like a car crusher at a junk yard? What’s next, ghost porn? Oh for fuck’s sake.
Meet the Nieratkos - It’s a boy!/girl!
Vice is a fucking jinx. I’ve known it for years but I’ve done my best to not let it get to me, but enough is enough. I can’t live like this! Friday the new Technology Issue comes out announcing to the world that Crissie and I are having a baby and wouldn’t you know, the very next night she had to get rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. WTF? She was doing fine! Read more »
School Diary - Boys and babies
Last week at school I got in trouble for refusing to grass on a couple of my classmates who snuck a boy into the gates at lunchtime.
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Dos and Dont’s
Not sure when goths started letting full-blown tens back in their ranks, but this bodes extremely well for the crotch tailors industry.
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The best thing about the Many Worlds interpretation of quantum physics is knowing with certainty that there's a universe where Ed Asner founded a quasi-Eastern religion based on the abolition of pockets.
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