
I’m sure by now you’ve heard all about how Carnage UK is going up and down our country, taking our otherwise well-behaved, cerebral university students and turning them into a feral mass of cheap drink-swigging, Policemen’s hat-stealing, suicide-committing, poppy-pissing monsters. Just in case you don’t know, the basic premise is this: you buy a t-shirt for £10, which gets you free entry into a bunch of pubs and nightclubs, most of which have cheap drink deals. The Sun is OUTRAGED.
The t-shirt has a list of tasks you’re meant to tick off over the course of the night.

I don’t mean to split hairs, but, in terms of innuendo, isn’t a “NAUGHTY NURSE CHECK UP” and a “DOCTOR/NURSE CONSULTATION” the exact same thing?
Last Thursday, I decided to go along on a Carnage pub crawl in Oxford to see what all the fuss is about. I should probably warn you that things get pretty heavy, pretty fast. So if you’re sensitive or boring, it’s probably best you don’t scroll down to read the rest of this.

The evening had a fancy dress theme of “doctors and nurses”. Most of the girls seemed to have interpreted that as “fishnets and hot pants”. I’m not sure where nurses wear that. It’s definitely not in London though. The last time I was in hospital, the nurses were wearing Crocs and bandanas with SpongeBob on them.

This was the first guy I met. I asked him if he’d been able to tick off any of the things from the t-shirt task list and he told me that he’d already snogged TWO girls. When I asked him what was the most INSANE thing he’d seen all night, he told me that a friend of his had drawn a penis on his shirt in marker, and the police had made him scribble it out. NUTS!!

See that guy in the background leaning out of the kebab van? He’s yelling at these two for not paying for their kebab. BONKERS!!!

I found this guy asleep in the doorway of an LK Bennett with people taking pictures of him on their camera phones. Unfortunately he woke up before I could get one. I asked him if he was having a good night and he told me “I can’t find my friends. I think I was sick.” MENTAL!!

There were free buses taking people from venue to venue. With it being a Carnage UK event, any kind of formal queuing rules went straight out of the window. WILD!!

These girls were walking between venues in the rain without coats OR umbrellas! WHAT WOULD THEIR MOTHERS THINK!??!?

Unfortunately, I forgot to bring (read: don’t own) a student ID, so I wasn’t allowed into the final venue. I did loiter outside for a while taking pictures of people in the smoking area though. If those guys on the right are anything to go by, I’d imagine it was pretty epic.

So with that, I went back home to sleep. But not before I saw one last bit of bedlam. This guy was getting into a cab, BUT HE WASN’T WEARING A SHIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
JAMIE TAETE











Reader Comments
November 26th, 2009
This is only new to Vice staff, the scum have been doing this since last century. You should all get out more often and take Dee with you. Thats the guy in your office who gets off on being other people. We scum call him Dee that’s short for Dee generate. He really needs to feel loved and wanted.
November 26th, 2009
YEAH! they had something on this on Platform ages ago. You lot are slipping!
November 26th, 2009
this looks like absolute hell
November 26th, 2009
Carnage is one of the worst and most over-priced student nights out, in Leicester. Only wet-behind-the-ears freshers and people who can afford to spend £10 on crap t-shirt, that they throw away in the end any way, go on that bar crawl here. Stuff like pub golf much more fun and gets far messier.
November 26th, 2009
Disgusting. I hate the phrase “carnage” for social drinking/outings it’s just not. Im 18 and hate this part of todays youth.
November 26th, 2009
what a load of gash
November 26th, 2009
Ok, i’m a nice guy so i’ll give you all a heads up about drinking too much.
Pub crawls are awesome fun, and this looks wicked!
HOWEVER, 3 years of continuous binge drinking (plus the 3-4 years preceding that at school, college and gap year) is REALLY NOT GOOD FOR YOU and that is the reason for the need for a crack down on binge drinking.
I used to say “I could drink until the cows came home!” and I actually believed that! Up until about 2005 there weren’t even any tokenistic “drink responsibly” warnings on alcohol advertising. All I knew was that drinking loads of booze was good and fun, and what everyone did.
Now I’m 28 and I cant drink any more (my problems started about 4 years ago!), because it gives me pains in my abdomen and I feel rough for literally days after drinking. And its fucking shit!
I have been to the doctors and they have been unable to tell me what’s wrong. Have had liver function tests etc and had my kidneys checked and stuff. Still no idea, but i do know there is something wrong because otherwise, believe me, I would at least be having the odd glass of wine or a beer with friends! I think I have basically just knackered myself out. Otherwise, I am a very healthy person but my body just doesn’t want to deal with alcohol anymore.
I was never an alcoholic, but never went out without having a drink and was certainly a binge drinker.
All I’m saying is that something needs to be done about this to prevent innocent people like me, drinking themselves into submission by the time they are 28. More needs to be done in informing people of the risks and preventing this from happening. This kind of culture is not sustainable and vulnerable people are most at risk.
So all i’m saying to you younger people is, TAKE IT EASY. Or you’ll end up like me, having to make up excuses why you can’t drink.
November 26th, 2009
The type of people that attend this are the exact reason im avoiding university.
November 26th, 2009
Probably the worst night out i’ve ever had with the scum i go to uni with.
November 26th, 2009
Oh yeah, and I’ve got a £15,000 student loan debt, mostly spent on booze (which despite everyone telling you that you “dont have to pay it back for years”, is still a debt, which grows every year and you will eventually have to pay it back). And its not as easy to get employed after uni as you are lead to believe, especially if you have spent the whole 3 years binge drinking.
November 26th, 2009
OH DEAR.
GOD BLESS THEM ALL.
I can imagine those coaches that were used to transport them all, were up the brim in alchopop vomit ..no?
November 26th, 2009
‘3 years of continuous binge drinking (plus the 3-4 years preceding that at school, college and gap year) is REALLY NOT GOOD FOR YOU’
Cheers man, seriously rethinking my drinking habits after that shocker.
November 26th, 2009
oh dear…. I’m at uni and it makes me shudder to think that these are people that i get lumbered into a category with. please dont assume this is what all ’students’ do, I know plenty of people at uni who wouldn’t be seen dead there!
And “carnage”……….. says it all. I can just picture the people that use that word to describe a night out.
November 26th, 2009
If I wanted to pay £10 on a shitty t-shirt, go to clubs where the music is awful, wait at the bar for half an hour minimum before getting a drink and then get the clap during some unsatisfying awkward drunk sex I would go to carnage.
This is why I have not been, and do not want to go to Carnage.
November 26th, 2009
@5yearson your a douche…no one wants to hear your pathetic story. sounds like your a light weight
November 27th, 2009
Are the only people who read Vice those who actually work there? And their mates? People who comment here all seem to know each other. Just saying.
November 27th, 2009
Dear Lord, Vice having the tenacity to subversively mock students for being ‘random’…. I’m concerned that the irony was lost on you.
November 27th, 2009
carnage is the foulest event in the country. i’m a student and have to put up with this shit all the time.
November 27th, 2009
I think the article was lost on you passion.
November 27th, 2009
It’s all down to one guy called Ben Cohen he pulls the shots all the others are his unpaid ass lickers. Most of the time he thinks the comments are being made by me under a different guise but if you look back you will see his handywork where he repeats the previous entry in a mocking way. But we scumbois are going to keep him very busy this xmas to make sure he misses all those parties.
November 27th, 2009
thats only cos you were in oxford
if you were in cambridge youd of had none of that trouble
November 27th, 2009
These people will be running the country in a few years. yay!
Unless they’re from Oxford Brookes, in which case…
November 27th, 2009
AWWWW. Bless their little silly billy socks. They think their hedonistic! Wild!
November 27th, 2009
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAWWWWNNNNN ITTTTT FRESHAAAAAAR!
November 27th, 2009
are you lot pissing about? i cant tell whats going?
November 27th, 2009
this is why everyone hates our country.
November 28th, 2009
the guy who fell asleep.. what a joker, also happens to be my best friend, when you know the people in the pictures this is sick!
November 28th, 2009
Didn’t drunk-sleeper guy also star in American Pie as the one who pisses himself in front of all the people?
November 28th, 2009
Zumthor, GO HOME.
November 30th, 2009
In each bar, marshals dressed in orange bibs provided by Carnage oversee the mayhem.
One tells us: “Our job is to hold their hair out of their sick and make sure they don’t fall under a car.”
Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/article2708141.ece#ixzz0YLELBONH
November 30th, 2009
wow u lot really need to chill out a bit! i went to carnage oxford and had a fucking awesome night, not everyone gets absolutly shit faced and wankered, some people go and have an awesome night and a laugh with friends also a good wayto get to know all the smaller less mainstream clubs and bars around town.
just chill out a bit and let us have some fun.
you lot that say your at uni and have to “put up with this” are the loser that sit in the library everyday. get a life.
November 30th, 2009
Seriously? These Comments?
Does anyone actually understand Vice anymore?
Does anyone understand the fucking words ‘piss-take’ anymore?
You people are all retards.
December 1st, 2009
In my humble opinion, hisself wore too much eyeliner.
December 1st, 2009
that one kid has a freaky nose . is that a skin graft on his face ? he’s not getting laid that’s for damn sure .
December 1st, 2009
they get a tour bus? a pub crawl tour bus? isn’t the whole point falling down and running from bar to bar and into traffic and terrorizing the peace and buying hot dogs on the street and dropping them and forgetting where they are going and loving and laughing and living?
December 1st, 2009
Is that kid wearing a hoodie under a lab coat?
December 1st, 2009
um, you mean HIS antics, and yes, they are.
December 1st, 2009
wow, the author of this article must have such wilder times. i bet her antics are crazy! Not like these lame-os…
December 1st, 2009
“Wayne’s World is brought to you by Noah’s Arcade.”
W. Campbell: Ok… welcome to Wayne’s world. Party on Garth.
G. Algar: I guess
December 1st, 2009
this looks like a terrible event. I want to be as far away from that as possible.
December 1st, 2009
That’s where smokers deserve to be. When can we get these in America?
December 1st, 2009
ddd
December 2nd, 2009
lol @ tommy smoking dat shit
December 4th, 2009
This shit makes me ashamed to be a student.