A long time ago I lived in an old London warehouse with a guy called Steve, who was a questionable character and a cocktail of mental illnesses. Steve and I were both penniless; I worked full-time for a respectable fashion label but got awful pay for incredible PR, sales, and marketing skills, whereas Steve was a bum and deserved to be broke. On the outside of our building, near our front door, was some graffiti: a Banksy rat. The most famous of Banksy’s work, the one in all the coffee table books, the one that drew in hipster tourists every day to photograph it. I liked the rat. It made me smile a little each morning as I left the house.
One night Steve’s drug dealer came over. He was also some kind of art collector. While snorting blow or some kind of flour mixed with bleach or whatever it is that dirty coke dealers give you now, he started telling Steve and I about how much the small graffiti rat on the side of our building was worth. Then he told us that if we get it off the wall all in one piece he can sell it for us for “about £50,000,” he says. And now I’m thinking, fuck, I could live off that money for a long time. I could be one of those people who gets their hand blown off when the printer in the office explodes and gets a lump sum of compensation money, except I don’t even have to have a fucked-up hand: I just have to sell out and be a bad person. At the time that sounded just fine.
The dealer left and Steve and I discussed our moral dilemma. “Well, I mean, I’m sure Banksy himself would be fine with it because it would be like we were preserving it in a way, selling it to an art dealer and all.” I looked at him and we both knew I was lying.
Some random guy named Jim next to the rat, via Flickr. People loved the rat.
We decided that we needed a truly expert builder to survey the situation and see if it would be feasible to even attempt to remove the rat all in one perfect piece. I left Steve to find this builder on account of I was too busy and important, seeing as I was the one with the job. I came home that evening and there was a Polish guy in our apartment. He had one of those creepy faces that did not belie his age: he could have been 20 or 50, for all I knew. He looked like he was drunk and bad-smelling but I didn’t go close enough to find out because my sense of smell is my strongest sense and it probably would have upset me.
As the guy walked past me and down the stairs, the only tool I could see was a red plastic bucket, and that worried me a little. I asked Steve what was going on and he told me that the guy had successfully been given detailed instructions of what he was to do. “So he speaks English?” I asked. Come on, I had to check. Steve assured me that yes he did in a annoyedly self-satisfied voice. He was on the computer trying to look all work-like, proud that he had, in his eyes, found “The Builder” for the job. He said he was researching Banksy but I knew he was on MySpace.
I sat down to eat and heard something that made me run outside. It was horrifying. Clearly not the sound of a piece of art being carefully removed from a wall. I went outside and the alcoholic builder was there chipping the rat off the wall in tiny bits into the red bucket. All that was left was his rat head. The rest of the famous landmark was in splinters of stone and paint in the bucket. I shouted at him to stop and he made some noises that confirmed to me that he couldn’t speak English. I wanted to cry but I didn’t, I just told him to stick some paper over the rest of the rat’s head and fuck off. I took the red bucket inside, cradling it as if the shards of graffiti rat were ashes of the deceased. And, in a way, they were.
I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was about to have an epileptic fit (I really do have epilepsy). I can’t remember what happened next but after a while Steve came upstairs with the rat’s head all in one piece, which made me mad as hell because it proved that it should have been such a simple process to remove the graffiti in one piece.
We didn’t say anything to each other. I sat the red bucket of guilt and grief in the corner of the sitting room, took lots of valium, and went to sleep.
The next day I go to work and found a crazy amount of hate mail in my inbox from people that had witnessed the catastrophe. Stuff like:
“I live opposite you and saw your housemate pouring the remains of the Banksy rat from your wall into a bucket last night. What the fuck is wrong with you you dumb bitch, that was an urban landmark.” Apparently all of my details were online due to my being the main contact for the fashion label I work for.
I replied to the first couple, trying to explain that it was simply an accident, but then as more come flooding in I gave up. Damn the Fashion Council with their helpful list of contacts. That night I came home to discover Steve had plastered up and painted over the hole in the wall, which made some of my bad feelings disappear.
Days passed and the red bucket was still in the corner, haunting us like the body we murdered but didn’t bury. I’m very good at ignoring it because I have a true talent for repressing bad memories and experiences. More days pass. Steve eventually got a big tray and a bag of sand and a plan to slowly try to piece the rat back together, as if he were a special archeologist mapping together a dinosaur’s bone from fossil fragments and I were his assistant. But we weren’t: we were just a failed bum and failed fashionista who had done a bad thing.
I spent the whole weekend sitting at the sandbox trying and trying to find just two pieces that would match. But every time I put my hand in the stupid red bucket, the pieces seemed to become smaller and flakier. I knew that soon it would just be a pile of dust, my hopes and dreams of living my sweet life of luxury over.
Reader Comments
November 19th, 2009
And now it ain’t worth jack diddly hoo hoo!
November 19th, 2009
you should go sharpie a stick figure mouse where the banksy one was with a speech bubble that says “sorry i ate your rat, dorks”
November 19th, 2009
I can’t believe this actually happened.
November 19th, 2009
wow
November 19th, 2009
cool story bro
November 19th, 2009
That’s a very good story, but banksy is supposed to do street art and street art should not live for ever! I do think that he is the most overrated artist of those last ten years! all things pass, and at least it made a good story! cheer up :D !
November 19th, 2009
OOOOOPS
November 19th, 2009
Some friends of mine stole some Banksy in Liverpool. http://www.artofthestate.co.uk/photos/banksy_liverpool_house_rat.jpg, the big gaping hole is their work.
November 19th, 2009
youre an idiot and you writing is full of banality and offensive towards all the character except you, moron
November 19th, 2009
that’s almost as bad as seeing a mullet on someone who is wearing it without irony. or seeing that the primark coat you bought is going to be worn by people with bad skin.
November 19th, 2009
that’s almost as bad as seeing someone with a mullet without irony.
November 19th, 2009
@dannycliffe *HIGH FIVE*
November 19th, 2009
fake yawn
November 19th, 2009
That’s ok - that wasn’t actually one of mine anyway. It’s a cheap transfer from the original in Battersea. Look at the faded edges. Not mine, not al all.
November 19th, 2009
I agree with valerie, chill out. street art is one of the biggest social ‘fuck you’ statements there is. what’s the difference between saying “don’t ruin banksy’s piece” and saying “don’t ruin the rec centre”? street art’s not about preserving what everyone likes the most.
November 19th, 2009
‘got awful pay for incredible PR, sales, and marketing skills’
You’re so arrogant. And despite apparently feeling bad for destroying his art, you then went and tried to sell this story for money. Nice one.
November 19th, 2009
To the anonymous; grow up.
November 19th, 2009
hahahahah sucks to be you!
November 19th, 2009
Hey Ron have you gone on holiday?
November 19th, 2009
banksy is a sell out cnt - his work *should be destroyed*. more fool the painful trendies that try to preserve it, they are completely missing the point
November 19th, 2009
Doesn’t really matter if it is true or not - it made me smile :)
November 19th, 2009
well you clearly don’t know that Banksy’s street work is hard to sell for the big bucks, his people don’t authenticate it, as it’s an ‘illegal’ activity - so basically you were part of something that destroyed his art that everyday people enjoyed to look at on a daily basis.
November 19th, 2009
How could you?
November 19th, 2009
Banksy is a bigger sell out than cope. Fuck him.
November 19th, 2009
Banksy dont do scumville. Just as well you would probably have the scumbois scrawling over it ‘leave our Tescos alone you cunt’
November 19th, 2009
i walked past the rat today, this story is rubbish.
i did walk out of my way to check it was still there tho
November 19th, 2009
What is it with everyone’s love affair with Banksy? it’s a bit of graffiti, some good some not so good. There’s far better graffiti out there but that gets painted over no questions asked…
It’s not like his art is going to bring peace to the middle east… move long now, nothing to see here…
November 19th, 2009
what the fuck is this shit srsly?
November 19th, 2009
Bloody hope this isn’t true !!
November 19th, 2009
since my relatives are polish i feel like i’m a shrek
November 19th, 2009
I think Banksy is a vastly over-rated populist dilettante anyway so personally they can whitewash his whole ouvre as far I’m concerned. All style and no substance.
November 19th, 2009
No need to worry. I’m sure he has a stencil to do another one. You are a dick though.
November 20th, 2009
kunch of bunts
November 20th, 2009
I’m with Valerie
though I did not read the whole article
November 20th, 2009
“I think Banksy is a vastly over-rated populist dilettante anyway so personally they can whitewash his whole ouvre as far I’m concerned. All style and no substance.”
Yeah, I think he’s quite overrated too… Very strange
November 20th, 2009
“a special archeologist mapping together a dinosaur’s bone from fossil fragments and I were his assistant” You mean a paleontologist…Poorly written article, good story though.
November 20th, 2009
stop bitching the lot of you its street art and if it has gone then so have many others saying that if someone offered me 50,000 for it i would rip the fooker straight down no probs
November 20th, 2009
red buckets are gay.
November 20th, 2009
That was awesome man. Awesome writing as well. Those comments suck. And it is a good thing Banksy himself showed up to comment it.
November 20th, 2009
“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”
So, you know, shame on you.
Also, I’d have done the same thing.
Only correctly.
November 21st, 2009
i like turtles
November 22nd, 2009
Oh look, Vice have employed another retard.
November 22nd, 2009
[...] DESTROYED BANKSY’S RAT is an amazing new article over on Viceland.com where the sad tale is told of what happened to poor old Banksy’s rat. It will make you laugh, [...]
November 23rd, 2009
You sound like an absolute shytbag. Don’t even care about the rat. You just sound like an arrogant english fuck
November 23rd, 2009
what’s up with people and like “poorly written..blah blah blah” ? scum bags.
don’t you worry about the rat, I’m sure the rat was tired of all that attention anyway.
November 23rd, 2009
that rise article is the gayest thing i’ve ever heard.
this article is shit as well.
so is banksy.
November 24th, 2009
You are a bullshit artist mate.
Well done on getting some clicks though………………………….
November 24th, 2009
Knob Jockey!
November 27th, 2009
pitiful that you attempted to vindicate your behaviour by writing about it in vice.
the editor might even let you give him a blow job afterwards
you’re just that ‘vice’.
November 27th, 2009
You’ve done a great thing and you should be proud. The only bad thing you did was write about it as that draws attention to B**ksy which is shameful.
November 27th, 2009
This reminds me, I must stop reading VICE
November 27th, 2009
“Ooo, I lived in a warehouse with Steve who had a history of mental illness and steve had a drug dealer and we were penniless…….oh and I worked in fashion.”
Then ask your home-counties based parents for some more money so you can carry on with your radical, bonkers existence you perspex, middle-class twat.
November 27th, 2009
Years ago I caught Banksy spaying some art on the double doors of my shitty East London wearhouse one night, not wanting to disturb him I let him finished then after I went downstairs to check out the masterpiece…it was fantastic i couldn’t believe my luck and wanked all over it!!… I knew his art was starting to get noticed, always one with an eye to make a quick buck so took the doors off and kept them for a few years until last year I sold it to a famous American celeb…now my shitty wearhouse is a luxuary penthouse pad where I have wild gay sex parties and snort coke off guys cocks! I AM EAST LONDON!
November 27th, 2009
Nathan Barley does exist
November 27th, 2009
why dont they just sell the stupid flakes, i’m sure some rootard will want to rub them over their naked body
November 27th, 2009
those rats are all over the shop. its just a stencil and probably not an original. and its crap
November 27th, 2009
Fifty grand or not, you still did the right thing
November 27th, 2009
All tou Banksy haters what’s that about???
Been to Banksy’s studio/publishers in Bristol, lovely people and Banksy is a great artist, you jealous fucks should take a running jump as for the poor person who wrote the article is it not enough for Banksy to discredit that work (which I doubt as anyone could have wrote that) you have to give them a load of shit about their romantic lifestyle. Maybe all you haters should pull your fingers out of your own arses and try doing something credible with your lives…
I like the insult about middle class home county parents and Perspex it made me laugh ..but it shouldn’t be used here this person is just sharing a light hearted story with us.
November 27th, 2009
Doh!
November 27th, 2009
We would have exhibited the red bucket full of dust with the head strewn close by on the floor. If you still have the bucket we will take it off your hands.
November 27th, 2009
give a fuck? no, not really.
November 27th, 2009
so much teen angst, i used have to go to the effort of buying kerrang to read such pained commentary, god bless the t’interweb.
i’d have cut it out and taken it back to my middle class house, put it on a pay per view webcam and covered it more and more jizz everyday for anyone who’d pay me. i’d even try and get it up my ass for £50k.
November 27th, 2009
I had a Banksy on the side of my house, but it would have taken a bulldozer to remove it.
Good story, shame about the rat, but there are many more where that one came from. There’s only one mild mild west, surrounded by shit loads of hobos though.
November 27th, 2009
Wankers!
November 27th, 2009
twat
November 27th, 2009
“I’m very good at ignoring it because I have a true talent for repressing bad memories and experiences. ”
Sounds like you were the vodka chaser to Steve’s cocktail of mental illness. If you were a shooter you’d be called Freud’s Moms.
November 27th, 2009
“This reminds me, I must stop reading VICE”
i had the same thought !
November 27th, 2009
Robin gunningham is a fool,
one who couldnt paint a decent panel in 10 minutes so instead he decided to copy blek le rat…. T.O.Y
November 27th, 2009
why does everybody suck him off so bad? its all about trains.pills.girls. fuck the rest off
November 27th, 2009
fuck ME…!
actuali, fuck U!!!
November 27th, 2009
i love banksy’s stuff. i bought his book when it first came out, i thought it might be a rarity at some stage haha. but i do photograph any banksy’s i see. i live in brighton, so we still have a few about, i would like to have had a print, but out of my price range. i remember when they started apearing in hackney when i lived up there, the smiley faces etc, i think hackney fucking council took them away, as it made a very ugly place a little bit attractive. but i do know a guy who carved one out of his front door in brighton. but we still have the kissing coppers
November 27th, 2009
hahahahahahaha
November 27th, 2009
This article is a piece of shit.
You should pay proper journalist instead of using little mummy and daddy arty student…
November 27th, 2009
@dannycliffe I second that HIGH FIVE*
failed fashionista who had done a bad thing. you said it
November 27th, 2009
fuck banksy art fag shit …………. dog,chip,break all that stencil wank……..proppa graff all day long is what you want……… what is wrong with this country banging up proppa writers like neas and all them boys doing 2 years bird for writing there names on trains,you get less for mugging a granny or noncing ……….. fuck banksy fuck the system, and big up all the pure graff boys FBZ,PFB,DTB,TM,GSD,ATG.DPM just a few class crews,doing what graff is MENT to be all about !!!!!!!!
November 27th, 2009
forgot DOWN DEM STELLAS ………
November 27th, 2009
another talentless fuckwit jumping head first on to the coattails of the next big thing in the vain hope of making big, painless ££…
you should have no problem getting a cushy job in the wonderful world of advertising…congratumalations!
November 27th, 2009
You try to write as the beat generation but looks like sex in the city of Hackney. Very cheap, sorry for you.
November 28th, 2009
legendary.
November 28th, 2009
u did the right thing graffiti is meant to be crossed out or destroyd. art freaks are the only ones that have that akward thing about leaving graffiti to be artwork, im sure if bansky wanted to sell the rat he would have put it on a frame, and taken it to the gallery.
November 28th, 2009
who the fuck cares? that story was so shit and pointless
November 28th, 2009
I’m glad that fucking piece of shit got destroyed, all of his “urban landmarks” should be removed he is fucking awful. He isn’t an “Artist” he’s a middle class public school boy twat
November 28th, 2009
“All tou Banksy haters what’s that about???”
Just seen much better work… t’is all
November 28th, 2009
“he’s a middle class public school boy twat”
Yeah, the stuff isn’t very radical, nor very interesting visually
November 28th, 2009
good.
November 29th, 2009
This was a really boring read….
November 29th, 2009
Why is every hipster calling other people hipsters? Vice is just MTV in a different outfit, and even more boring. Apparently.
November 29th, 2009
this is a good story man. i very much enjoyed it! now go look for some more Banksy and do it properly hahaha.
November 29th, 2009
Is this what passes for journalism nowadsys?
Bullshit story told in an appaling maner!
November 30th, 2009
I’m sure i bought a copy of bizarre magazine about 8 years ago with that stencil free on the cover. there was some shit competition where you could use the stencil and take a photo of what you’d done and the ‘best’ would win something.
it wasn’t that exact rat but it made me think. theres loads of banksy’s out there haha i bet loads of different people are doing them.
how long can the art world milk ‘banksy’? no way its just one person.
anyway, dont feel bad cos that is a well good story. your m8 prob doesn’t know his shit anyway, saying its worth fifty grand or whatever. he’d be selling ‘art’ and not shit coke if he did.
November 30th, 2009
[...] Undenk: How to destroy a Banksy. [...]
November 30th, 2009
[...] a Banksy was [...]
November 30th, 2009
AMEN
November 30th, 2009
Your a fucking chump
December 1st, 2009
I got a stencil which i bought off ebay, give me your address and i will do a stencil on your wall
December 1st, 2009
Ye dude u a douchebag u, soundl like the bleachflour snortin moron