Ron’s back on the attack once again, sorting out a young gal’s dilemma concerning her boyfriend. The long and short of it? He hooked up with another lady at a (gasp!) mall-punk concert and she ain’t too happy about the whole ordeal. Let’s see how our man Ronald advises her on this sticky little situation. (PS: We just discovered Ron started his own Twitter.)
Hey Ron!
So I really like my boyfriend and I thought everything was going great. Until he drunk texted me at a Blink-182 concert (first of all, Blink? I’d like to think he’d have better taste) saying that he hooked up with this girl. I’ll call her “Sammy.” Sammy’s possibly the biggest bitch I know and even before this all happened I hated her (which he was well aware of). He claims she threw herself at him, and of course all his friends are backing him up. So what do I do? Break up with him or get over it?
First of all, the fact that he went to a Blink-182 concert shows that both he and you have no taste, because he picked the concert and you picked him. And you can’t call the girl a bitch because she is doing what most girls do drunk anyway, OK? (Actually, I wont say most girls, just the ones who want me.) He’s just using that excuse to his advantage. I think it’s just a lot less pressure for people to say, “Oh I was drunk. It happened. Sue me!” as a way out. Drunken people have no feelings or remorse.
Beyond that, you shouldn’t be mad at the other girl. Your man is the one who really did the cheating. There’s no sign on his forehead that says, “I got a girl at home waiting for me in bed.” So she did what people do when they’re drunk and think someone is attractive. And be mad at his friends too—they’re the ones who egged him on and guys are gonna do what guys are gonna do. So don’t believe him when he says that he doesn’t know how it happened. You don’t just trip and land in it. It may have not been a master plan, but it was definitely planned to some extent.
A guy isn’t going to let a friend turn down sex, period. Free sex is free sex. That is the truth of it, and these types of things happen all the time. Do you know how many people were born just because Woodstock happened? Thousands. So do whatever you want—break up with him or don’t. Just know that he definitely enjoyed it.
Love,
Ron
Reader Comments
October 14th, 2009
Hey Ron have you ever fucked pussy?
October 14th, 2009
Is that your dildos you’re holding Ron? Do you get both of them up at the same time?
October 14th, 2009
Scumnation, I think Ron has fucked your pussy
October 14th, 2009
He ain’t got no dick for that. I hear he is the smallest dick black guy in the world. There is talk of giving him a listing in the Guinness Book of World Records.
October 14th, 2009
Maybe he is using the two cans of WD40 that he is holding to fuck your pussy?
October 14th, 2009
I haven’t a clue what WD40 is, but he looks too much of a wimp for that. Looks almost begging for someone to use the cans on him as a fist substitute.
October 14th, 2009
scumnation, for that is me, i am a tiny weiner boy who loves boys, alas I have such a small weiner…small weiner boy that is what they call me.
October 14th, 2009
Its rope a dope time again. We have another Scum clone who is dying to be as good as me but doesn’t have the banter so will always be just a clone. I bet you’re Ron’s boyfriend, don’t worry I’m not trying to steal him.
October 14th, 2009
what sort of dreadfully malfunctioned childhood have you been through where you don’t know what WD40 is?
have you never ridden a bicycle?
October 14th, 2009
Nope, I’m a poor boy, the only time we ever saw a bike was when we nicked it for a joyride. Any more middle class gems that make you think we are all equal?
October 14th, 2009
colgate?
October 15th, 2009
Didn’t have any of that either unless we stole it out of a supermarket or from some middle class home when we liberated their TV’s and other goods. That’s why all us scum have bad teeth.
October 15th, 2009
wow, scumnation took the dissing his dopey bnp girlfriend/sister so badly it kinda broke his brain and now he spends his days obsessively, impotently trolling the vice comments pages. Sad.
October 15th, 2009
While Ron was trying to pry open scumnation’s rusty vagina with two cans of WD40 some of the lubricant must have diffused into his bloodstream and fucked with his pathetic excuse for a brain. Unsurprising when his vaginal lining has been ravaged by leishmaniasis which he contracted while being forced to work at a Brazilian “petting zoo”.
October 15th, 2009
That looks like compressed air, not WD40. Get it right, you stupid fucking bastards.
October 15th, 2009
Emily you sound like you are desperate for a fuck. You must be one of those 400 lbs feminists who complain about female exploitation outside beauty contests and Vice wet t-shirt shoots. Don’t worry no one is going to exploit you and you in a wet t-shirt would turn off most guys so you will just have to turn into a lesbian or go in animal porn movies being fucked by a donkey. Golve still standing up for your boyfriend. I keep telling you Ron has the smallest black cock on the planet and only guys into kid cock would find him attractive, so you can keep him.
October 15th, 2009
ah, Emily. was wondering what was up with that guy,
October 15th, 2009
Has Emily turned into a guy or are the guys at Vice working late in the office?
October 16th, 2009
I like kid cock. Whats wrong with that?
Scum, how is having a vagina working out for you? I should imagine that it must be awesome to be able to fuck your self with your own dick, while a Brazilian Eeyore fills your large intestine with animal semen, which I am sure then leave to congeal over the next month as you don’t have enough money to afford the colonic hosing which your would inevitably need after such extravagant sexcapades.
October 16th, 2009
Fame at last, everyone wants to be scum HAHAHAHAHA
October 16th, 2009
Uh…not really.
October 17th, 2009
you’re not smiling anymore all together now YOU’RE NOT SMILING ANYMORE’
HAHAHAHA Rope a fuckin dope.