You may have heard about this competition we’re doing with Levi’s. It requires everyone being totally artistic, which is very exciting. We’ve had thousands of entries, which is encouraging, but while most of them are at least passable, and some of them are actually quite good, some are big curdled bladders of crap. Like these ones, the crapiest of the crap. Enjoy.

The brief was to create a piece of art to be splashed all over a wall in one of three prominent locations in London. The brief was not to create a peppy character that sells pencil cases to Japanese children. I guess it’s an ironic comment on war, but who really needs one of them?

My guess is that the guy in the suit is an eccentric billionaire who likes to drug family men and degrade them like a sexy version of Hostel. Considering that Boy George was arrested for taking sex hostages right by our office, having this splashed across a wall in Shoreditch might be in bad taste.

This would love to be in bad taste. Cocks, swastikas – this artist went nuts when they read the “absolutely no guidelines” bit of the brief. I can’t be arsed to rabbit on about what tired shit this is, but has the guy actually heard of Levi’s? He can’t really have thought they’d go nuts for this, can he? Maybe he thought someone at Vice would notice it, all the taboo-breaking would blow our mind, and we’d be doing bumps off American Apparel models in the OBL by noon.

Actually this is kind of funny. I’m a sucker for any idea that comes from one pun. Sorry, this moves out of the “Ha ha ha” list, and into the “If only we could but we can’t” list.

Woah! This piece of art is right! Women aren’t supposed to eat, women don’t have a voice, women are expected to mutilate their body to please society! I’m off to paint clothes over some porn.

Isn’t it sad that summer’s coming to an end and the opportunities for barbecues are diminishing? Oh, sorry, yeah, this is about mortality.

Actually, this is just the kind of motivation the sad-sack indie Camden wimps need on their walls. If you’re not happy having a Gap move into your little corner of hippy, don’t just mope, get out there are start your own hemp moccasin company. All you need is a) An open mind b) A desire to succeed, and c) Self-motivation and dedication.

Skateboarding: officially dead and shit now. Thanks very much Jan-Vincent Designs.

Handful of herpes?

What better way to sell some jeans than by plastering Samuel Beckett’s face all over some trendy part of London for some people to ignore? I’m pretty sure Ping was all about how the cut of the old 501s is so much nicer than the new 501s cut, but actually once you get off your high horse, 514s will do nicely.

This is the kind of thing Tracy Emin has up in the nursery in her home.

This is what has happened to all the old rave chumps who used to design Hed Kandi CDs – after years of cheating on their wives at Cafe del Mar they’ve now decided they’re the loneliest, oldest, baldest emo kids ever.

Congratulations to everyone who entered and isn’t featured here, you are good at what you do. Comp’s still open BTW.

ADAM WHITE