Ron is gone! No, not that one, the other Ron. Ron the cat. You know Ron. Ron the indie rock cat. You know the one, the guy who’s always rolling with Pete Doherty and doing photo shoots with emerging electro stars in NME. No? Jesus, if a guy doesn’t molest the Elephant Man’s corpse in a billion dollar Wendy house you guys just don’t pay any attention, do you? Well climb out of your own arse, because Ron has gone missing, and the appeal for his safe return has even hit the telly.

Ron in this week's NME

Last night in Spitalfields, fear for poor Ron’s safety galvanised a neighbourhood to go out on a mass search for the lost indie cat. It was beautiful, like the New York blackout, except everyone was carrying little plates of chicken-in-jelly Whiskers.

This is Ron being interviewed by Channel 4

Ron has been struck down in his prime, just the other week he did a Rankin shoot with Pete Doherty (though apparently Ron got pissed off and scratched Pete’s face. But then, Pete made him wait around for hours, so what do you expect?) He’d also been doing some modeling work with an all-ginger concept band called Factor 50.

The media have responded to Ron’s disappearance by spreading the campaign as far as they can with a sense of charity, which belies their immoral reputation.

Get the latest Flash Player to see this player.

From the official Ron website:

Ron has been missing for over a week. He lives on Gun Street so will be around Spitalfields Market, Brick Lane etc. He doesn’t have a name collar but he’s easily recognisable - really fluffy and with a stupidly big tail. He’s very friendly. He hasn’t been out much as it’s so built-up round here, so he must be either lost or has been taken in.

Please call me on 07779 101241 or email dan@danwilton.co.uk if you think you’ve seen him

Godspeed, Ron.