OK, Captain Snide, I can see you rolling your eyes at the Anonymous Hug Wall, but this is for sooo much more than just allowing twemo-hippies to mollycoddle one another in an non-intimidating atmosphere. After all, why build the West Bank barrier out of suicide, concrete, and misgiving when it could be littered with hug-sleeves sewn from love and the music of the Mutato Muzika Orchestra?
Imagine it, an Israeli soldier tearfully approaching the wall to be hugged by skinny pretty Palestinian girl who likes to talk about bands. It’s beautiful. It doesn’t matter what race you are, sometimes we all need a hug. Alternatively, it would be good for prison morale; you could erect them in between cells and guys could jerk each other off through the walls and it wouldn’t be gay because they’re not even in the same room. You can’t be gay when you’re not in the same room, right?
Or you could lure someone you dislike into a narrow alley and then slip your arms in and choke them, leaving no trace of your guilt. Clearly, the Anonymous Hug Wall is the perfect gift for everyone, from humanitarian to gay strangler. Contact its designer if you want one (or ten!) for Christmas.
Reader Comments
June 23rd, 2009
Gayest. shit. ever. The recent popularity of hugs is just an expression of the growing amount of socially inept washouts, and its pretty sad.
Getting a meaningless hug from a stranger is already an illustration of how much a pathetic loner you are, but getting an ‘anonymous hug’ is a case in point that you’ve hit such a low you can’t face other losers: you just want to wank of you’re psychological angst, and keep basking in your overblown ego which got you isolated in the first place.
like jerking yourself of to sleep in front of a mirror and not understanding why you can’t make any friends.
June 24th, 2009
this is like a new age glory hole. i don’t understand why the lady didn’t make it shorter if she has to use a booster stand to reach the arm holes. she should hem it.
June 24th, 2009
this is “free hugs” for super introverts. it’s like free hugs training wheels.
June 24th, 2009
her arms have to get exhausted waiting for someone to enter. remember how tired you arm got trying to get the teacher’s attention? that shit was like kiddie pilates.
June 24th, 2009
i dunno. the lady in green looks pretty happy. maybe this isn’t such a horrible thing
June 24th, 2009
Hugs are good, tugs are better. Yeah I’m the kind of guy who likes to hug people. I suppose that makes me an over-expressive egotistical introvert with no self-esteem or something equally contradictory.
June 24th, 2009
This came out a year ago, at least. Boring.
June 24th, 2009
i just dont see why the hugs need to be anonymous…theres still no legit human contact then…which is probably the problem to start off with.
weird.
June 24th, 2009
how long do you have to wait there for someone to hug?
June 24th, 2009
Just make sure to wash the jizzstains.
June 24th, 2009
i can imagine there would be many cooties where all the low lifes mash their faces against this wall, there better be those plastic peel off strips on there like chicks have in their bathing suits to stop all there menstral juices from tainting the fabric. that way everyone can enjoy it without feeling like they are being violated in some way
June 24th, 2009
it also looks like you have to stand in a bowl of dogfood.. fuck that shit