I’m not a trendsetter. Nor am I really a follower. When something new presents itself in my sphere it takes me a while to get used to the idea of it being around. BlackBerry? Trust me, I’ll get one in a few years, but right now I’m content with my flip phone. Drop-crotch pants? No thank you, I still enjoy the high-waist variety, camel-toe properties and all. Count me out for anything with a line or a waiting list attached. So me getting the swine flu a few weeks after the initial media hubbub had quieted but still during its very exclusive pre-pandemic phase was somewhat out of character. What can I say? Sometimes I’m a one-among-thousands sort of gal.
Archive for May, 2009
Bound children of the revolution
Did it ever occur to you that many celebrity children are just as much celebrities in their own right these days? And that they didn’t do much to get there? You know, like Kelly Osbourne or some shit. And do you have a lot of fetish photographs lying round the house and an internet connection that would allow you to download pictures of celebrity faces? Bet you wish you had, because then you could be a significant artist too. Read more »
Excuse me mate, why are you such a slob?
I sat down with my buddy Nick, who lives upstairs in my house, and asked him why he’s such an appalling slob. He is pretty much full of shit because I doubt he takes anything out in three days like he says in the following interview, and I promise you Febreze doesn’t cover up the smell of garbage. His room usually kind of smells but he does keep it in his room, so I guess I can’t complain that much… Read more »
Being an individual
Look, some guy who works somewhere that has a black filing cabinet and a really depressing snap-together gray workspace got a tattoo of that Shintaro Kago cover we ran on the 4-ACO-DMT Issue. That’s pretty great, and it just goes to show you that even if you’ve resigned yourself to wearing that horrible modern bank teller blue button-down shirt and pleated black slacks as you plop down into your corner of misery to crunch numbers, submit reports, and snack on Funyuns from the vending machine (which always seems to be half-empty with Balance bars and Baked Lays, godfuckingdamnit) while mouth-breathing your own farts, you can still totally be your own person and express yourself. Read more »
Meet the Nieratkos: LA is gay
I know the “LA is gay” sentiment is pretty prevalent in most East Coasters. And I was reminded of why that is when I was out there last week. The reason is because LA IS GAY. Why? Let me count the ways… Read more »
Partying in Barcelona demands shades
Provided we can all agree that lo-fi indie is the new electronica (just nod, don’t try to think about it), Barcelona’s Primavera Sound is officially the new Sonar, which makes it the new Best Festival About. We’re there again this year with Ray-Ban and some surprises. Read more »
An artistic event of staggering genius, tomorrow
This Friday, the nomadic art space The Centre of the Universe will be hosting an exhibition in a dark, damp post-war cellar in Dalston. Entitled “The Bunker”, the exhibition showcases three inspiring artists in a mildly disgusting and dank-smelling underground cavern, so it might be funny to turn up and watch swanky art types swan around in an abandoned basement full of sludge. Read more »
Fortune cookies still rule
So, my local Chinese, Wu on Homerton High Street, Hackney, still has standards. In the face of worldwide apathy, it still believes in maintaining the magic of eating warm noodles in front of the telly. Magic that can only be achieved with a complementary helping of fortune cookies with each delivery. “So what?”, I hear you say, “Fortune cookies are just baby snacks repackaged for retarded Westerners who think they’re getting a tip from their soothsaying Oriental friends.” Obviously you don’t believe in magic. Here’s the wisdom they’ve been offering lately.
Ana’s watching
Eating disorders are no joke, but dating someone who has one can be fucking hilarious. My ex was tall and beautiful, and I could swear I saw her eat all the time. But according to friends and family, I’m not much of a listener—if a girl I just met said, “Hey, I think you should know that I have a serious eating disorder and I don’t want help,” chances are I didn’t pay attention to any of that. So since I’m used to ignoring the obvious I thought this lady must be that first ex-wife I’ve been waiting around for. I even introduced her to my parents. Then things started to slip. Read more »
Sweet big willy
I used to be a sugar addict like Pecker’s little sister in that John Waters movie. The only thing inside my cupboard used to be a cutesy old fashioned candy jar filled with sugar bead necklaces, pink bubblegum, and chocolate. On its lid I wrote and Andy Warhol quote: “All I ever want from life is sugar.” Then, just like Pecker’s sister, one day a doctor told me to stop eating all sugars, including fruit. It was horrible, but I’m not going to go into the details of the terrible sugar withdrawal, at least not in this blog, I’ll just jump straight to the happy ending. Now I’m a sad broccoli muncher, I’ve actually learned to appreciate sugar in a whole different way — I collect it. So when I found these sugar packages at a jaunty Milanese pizza place called Da Big Willy, I got so excited I had to show you guys. Read more »
Putting your fist in Alan Sugar’s golden arsehole
Everyone likes The Apprentice and they have done for years. However, perhaps the format is starting to look a little tired. Alan gets angry, they get fired, blah blah capitalism blah. No doubt with this in mind, Cassetteboy, the cut-and-paste dilettante, has reimagined the show in his own way. OK, so all he’s done is cut it all up so it makes Alan Sugar look like a weirdo, but it’s damn funny and looks like it took an eternity. Click through for the most office-friendly meme Vice has ever offered you. Read more »
Brazil Issue extras: Literary
This month’s brain food mostly concerns: Nato, squat parties, graffiti, misery, humour, drawings, biography, philosophy and the significance of the goat in black magic. Read more »
Hey Ron! - My Dad’s a dick
Another week, more advice from Ron. This time our brawny and lion-hearted accounts receivable manager raps serious with a kid who’s a got a sinewy log of shit for a dad… Read more »
