Dear Rocky
I don’t know what it is. And I’ve been trying to come to terms with an unlikely infatuation that came to be during that London Fields house party last weekend. Is it the cascading mass of curls that falls from below the backwards New Era cap you favor so highly? The twinkle you get in those dark pools of eyes when making an unsavoury joke? The pencil thin ginger moustache? The uniform of Slayer T-shirt and oversized studded leather jacket? The bizarre, unplaceable accent that makes you sound like an Irish-American pig farmer? The way you told me you were “Sober, except for K?”
I was walking to the dentist today to get my teeth done at (they are very mossy right now), and I realised I would never try to get you to get your teeth cleaned, because they are perfect to me. And when I was brushing my hair, I was imagining running my fingers through those Edwardian ringlets that gleam in the spring sunlight. And now, whenever I hear black metal, I think of you, moshing, head thrown back like some magnificent lion, a lion with curls and a really thin, perfectly groomed moustache.
Do you remember when we sat on the beanbag and talked about the Other Dimension whilst staring at the sky? I felt like I had left the party and soared across the skies to a magic wonderland where we lived together in perfect harmony and I spent my nights with my fingers entwined in your glorious ringlets. I don’t know if it was all the K you were obviously on talking, or real talk when you told me that I was your mystical shaman spirit twin- but I felt it too.
Have you ever seen the film Never Been Kissed starring Drew Barrymore and the seminal acting talent that is David Arquette? In said movie Drew wins the heart of her love interest by writing an article which is then published in a newspaper, asking him to come forward and kiss her. Will you come and kiss me, Mr. Rockwell?
If so, meet me at The Trocadero, at the dance machine ride (I have an unbeatable top score) at seven pm on Thursday the 9th of April.
You rock my world, Rocky.
Love Peaches Geldof
x
Reader Comments
April 8th, 2009
what a pile of shit vice is
alexa chung
peaches geldof
nick grimshaw
agness yawn
pixie geldof
someone who once spoke to a klaxon
someone who was once the post boy at the arctic monkeys record label
is the vice office just filled with a load of dribbling spotty sychophants?
maybe you should sell this to heat magazine?
April 8th, 2009
Saw you both in queens of hoxton on saturday.
He was or is the manager of Size? carnaby st.
and we all kno who peaches is.
Both nobodys is what im pointing out, plus every one does ket no big woop just like this post!
April 8th, 2009
jjeees, you meant *that* peaches.. this is vurry londonlite.
April 8th, 2009
why is this girl in every magazine?
April 8th, 2009
booorrrrrring
April 8th, 2009
Oh right I get it now, you saw peaches geldof at a party and thought you had a chance. Great.
April 8th, 2009
OH MY FUCKING GOD. This shit is more lame than one of those dogs that needs wheels because it’s back legs are fucked.
April 8th, 2009
why’s everyone being a douche? at least she can have a laugh at herself
April 8th, 2009
i love it how people pretend they wouldn’t shag peaches geldof
April 8th, 2009
She is pretty skanky so whatever. Boring boring boring.
April 8th, 2009
screw her dude
April 9th, 2009
hail fog! hail ROCKWELL!
April 9th, 2009
get fucked geldof.
April 9th, 2009
do u think she realises what a fuckin laim arse ugly twat everyone thinks she is?
April 9th, 2009
There’s nothing more boring than nearly men with huge boners talking about how “lame Peaches is…” I bet you all sit at home in your pants playing nintendo whilst wanking over the London Lite. Self righteous pricks… NO BIG DEAL….
April 9th, 2009
Meow boys… ?
April 9th, 2009
Everyone does Ket? EVERYONE DOES KET? God I hate you, also I really hope you’re “someone” OR you mocking the fact that the dude used to work in size could be REALLY embarassing for you. Dick.
April 9th, 2009
ellen… i am not a boy wanking in my pants over the london lite!! i am a girl. And peaches is laim and a dick and ugly and annoying. And before you say I am jealous or some other fucking thing u will assume I am because i have a dislike for someone… be a woman and admit u hate her too!
there are far more lovely people in the world than her. she is dog chocolate.
April 9th, 2009
Way to use some guy you think is “funny” and “weird” as a means for self-promotion… “Oh, look, he wears a Slayer t-shirt, he’d got bad hair, wouldn’t it just be delightful if I, queen of good taste, pretended to love him? It’d be like an ironic Beauty and the Beast”.
April 9th, 2009
I’m not overly that inspired by most of Vices articles these days but I find it odd how many people seem to continue to read it and hate it at the same time. Or is that the Vice ‘thing’ to do..? Have I just missed the point. Fair enough then. Vice, you’re a cunt.
April 9th, 2009
i’m going to go down and see if they make out
April 9th, 2009
I wonder what that guy’s favourite Slayer album is, as I imagine - judging by his shirt - that he’s a longtime fan of the band.
April 9th, 2009
I like the way Vice can go from having an article by the guy from Whitehouse on one page then to an interview with a brain surgeon next to an eight page photo essay inside the slave labour camps of Dubai that no news media has covered so intensively.
They have party pages with Agyness Dean and a blog post from Peaches Geldof in among that. I like that.
I think it’s fun.
April 9th, 2009
Rocky’s favourite Slayer album is Show No Mercy.
April 9th, 2009
Peaches you’re fuckable until open your mouth. This article is shit and not funny. Peaches, if you read this, which you probably will, then stop being so try hard and annoying. And you are not a fucking dj, don’t ever tell anyone you are, ever.
Having said all that, I still would.
April 9th, 2009
I know right? Commments section of every article: “God I hate fuckin Vice. I wish I didn’t have to read it.”
It’s gotten to the point that the only reason I don’t feel like a prick for reading it even though I think it sucks ass is that EVERYBODY who reads Vice regularly fucking hates it as well.
April 9th, 2009
a new low.
April 9th, 2009
So it’s so shit and we all hate it so much that it’s actually good and we love it which eventually will become shit because things are shit when everybody likes it so we’ll go back to hating it, thus the cycle continues. I had that about jamie Oliver once. I thought he was such a vile cunt that I actually grew to like him for it. Now I just think he’s a vile cunt for tricking me.
April 9th, 2009
i don’t think vice realizes what a joke it has become. the sad thing is there isn’t anything much better out there.
April 9th, 2009
vice is not the joke. peaches is. she is so vile. i generally even prefer nob ends like paris hilton to the scum of the earth that Peaches is, as far as media celebrity type people go. Not that i have ever met either of them in person. But at least Paris admits what she is. Peaches is a “DJ” one week, “Magazine Editor” the next…. admit it YOU ARE A SPOILED FUCKING BRAT WITH NO FUFUTRE BUT THAT OF A DRUGS OVERDOSE AND A BOOK THAT WONT SELL!!!
April 9th, 2009
disappear here… u will all fucking love it. or at least you would until you realised it had come from the hands of peaches!! Pretentious cunts! All hail Vice!!
April 9th, 2009
what next? rupert from the klaxons goes for dinner with someone who used to work at vice and records a voicemail msg to thank them?
April 9th, 2009
Rocky is a pretty funky man.
April 9th, 2009
If you look at Vice now and a copy of Vice five years ago when all these trendy twits on here used to think it was cool, you’ll see that it’s actually a huge improvement.
I’ve never seen any of the people that the guy at the top mentioned in the magazine. I guess they just go to the parties.
Quit complaining.
Andy’s mum.
April 9th, 2009
you all slag her off, but given the chance, I bet you would…
i hate her, and i know i fucking would.
April 9th, 2009
why has the pic changed? it was peaches in a red dress earlier.
April 9th, 2009
R.I.P vice magazine
April 9th, 2009
The thing I find with Vice and Street Carnage etc is that everyone is too cool to like anything. “Humanity gets on my dick”.
And peaches? Coke bitch, thats the only way to describe her. But can’t you imagine riding that thing and making it squeal…?
April 10th, 2009
why has the picture changed? did peaches think she looked too pretentious in the other one? throw a beer on it.
April 10th, 2009
What a load of prissy nonsense. You know, Peach, you’re a cock and all … standards … but you’re still bang tidy. Remember, you will never progress past nobheads till you stop hanging around with nobheads. x
April 10th, 2009
Aha, nice use of bang tidy there chap.
April 10th, 2009
I bet her minge smells like Crysanthiums too, although i’ve always imagined she would be pretty lacking in the oral department. Her mouth looks too small for my HuGe MeMbEr.
April 10th, 2009
Well…. we’ve still got VBS right?
April 21st, 2009
thats the best picture of geldof ive ever seen
she aint nothing special in the flesh and kinda has a look of downs syndrome goin on,
still if i didnt have a bird id hate fuck the girl, and maybe take a photo and make some money and hopefully make sir bob recoil in disgust of an image of his preciaous daughter getting rimmed
alough shes been around a few blocks as it is
its a shame this article is most likely a made up joke like the rest of this blog
dylan should fist her though
April 25th, 2009
-I thought that was pretty funny to be honest
-Peaches IS a certified schmuck
-Alas, I definitely would!
June 4th, 2009
lol, jeez, most are people are really stupid, can you not tell a joke when you read one? I also don’t get why people spend valuable effort slagging something off that they obviously trawl over and read on a regular basis.
don’t like Vice? make your own fucking literature, douchebags