MySpace Shook The Music Industry To Its Coreâ„¢. Facebook Was An Orwellian Craze Which Dismantled Basic Privacyâ„¢. Twitter Fed A Self Obsessed Generation Itselfâ„¢. Bebo… I think that’s the one where teenagers have cyber sex. Anyway, all these social networking tools that have been upsetting parents whose children have never seen a blade of grass that wasn’t pixilated all look like a pan-racial youth-group trip out horse riding in the Cotswolds compared to Omegle.
Omegle is the social networking site with the guts not to dress up its pointlessness in wallpapers and tagging and updates. It’s boiled time-wasting down to its most base level: Click on a button and instantly chat to a stranger. There’s no information, just instant conversation. About anything you want. You could talk about literally anything. Exciting. And yet, with an inevitability only afforded to something with such wild possibilities as the internet, all conversation quickly turns to porn. I had three conversations, all of which were sexualised very early on. (It’s instant, so forgive bad spelling plz.)
Conversation 1.
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: tomorrow night on ECW
You: what you mean?
You: where are you?
Stranger: tomorrow night on ECW petey williams vs. egzon hoxha
You: what are they? They could be a pair of car rental companies for all i know
You: you sound like an advert
Stranger: You sound like an asshole
You: you look like an asshole
Stranger: sexy asshole
You: my lovely arsehole
Stranger: with bloody penises in it
You: that didn’t take long till we hit the bloody penises
Stranger: Lol yeah
Conversation 2.
Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hey
You: what’s up?
Stranger: what kind of porn do you like?
You: teenage animals
Stranger: fat green objects
You: oh yeah, that’s your thing?
You: nice
Stranger: asl?
You: of course
Stranger: limes particularly
You: you like getting lime in blood?
Stranger: 18/m/new york
Conversation 3.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: what are you doing my new best friend?
Stranger: are you a girl?
You: yes
You: are you looking for sex?
Stranger: I have my dick in my hand
You: I’m really a boy
Stranger: wanker
After that conversation I realised how stupidly boring this new facility actually is, and so I did what everyone of the 1,452 people who were online had done once they got bored, I started talking about sex.
Conversation 4.
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: word
Stranger: good afternoon
You: how’s your horrible life?
Stranger: fairly average
Stranger: and yours?
You: terrible, a series of disasters
Stranger: ouch
Stranger: what’s up?
You: would you like to go on a date?
Stranger: not really, as I don’t know you
You: I’ll buy you a steak the size of a fist
You: and then we can have a bath
Stranger: sorry, I don’t know enough about you
Stranger: I don’t even know what sex you are
You: i felt like we had a connection. Let me shit in a condom, freeze it, and beat you up with it please
Stranger: are you a hemaphrodite?
You: yes
You: are you a man?
Stranger: I need to ask, do you have to use the men’s or the women’s if you are neither?
Stranger: and I am male indeed
You: i use a third one
You: do you think any woman ever has been on this?
Stranger: I think there is a 1 in 1043 chance
Once I realised that wasn’t fun either, I closed the window.
There you go - a quick review of something shit which no doubt will be the subject of a billion broadsheet column inches in May 2010 once Stephen Fry gets stuck in a lift and decided to kill time by telling strangers he wants to make their arse pregnant. So that’s that then. Omegle is ok for prank calls. That’s it.
ADAM WHITE
Reader Comments
March 31st, 2009
4:31 pm
It reminds me to IRC in 97
March 31st, 2009
5:59 pm
my first and last omegle chat ended up on the worst blog ever @ #36 - http://do-u-know-why-he-did-it.tumblr.com excellent.
March 31st, 2009
6:19 pm
Adam White, you have appalling grammar.
March 31st, 2009
6:35 pm
just tried it.
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl?
You: hi
You: i do
Stranger: me too
You: awsome
Stranger: 13/f/cali
You: awsome. 42/m/pedo
You: with beard
Stranger: where’s pedo?
Stranger: what?
You: italy
Stranger: is it short for something
You: pedophilia
Stranger: oh ok
Stranger: Where is that in Italy?
You: near florence
You: do you know it?
Stranger: No ive never been
You: just noticed i put 42 lol
You: 22
Stranger: but my parents might take me when i turn 16
Stranger: really? are you cute?
You: very lol!
You: ask them to take you to pedophilia if you come
You: it’s beautiful
Stranger: ok ill ask them now
You: do
March 31st, 2009
6:38 pm
10 mins later:
Stranger: Sorry i’m not allowed to use the internet anymore. They said pedophilia was something bad and not a place.
Stranger: so bye i guess.. :(
March 31st, 2009
6:40 pm
That’s absolutely fantastic, Anonymous.
March 31st, 2009
8:19 pm
4chan strikes again
March 31st, 2009
8:24 pm
I concur, that was gold Anonymous.
March 31st, 2009
10:05 pm
i’ll tell you another quick way to a bloody penis- walking into a new friends house and them forgetting to mention they have an extremely protective pit bull. thanks, seth!
April 1st, 2009
8:36 am
I just pretended to be a boastful mother;
Stranger: Hable con ella
You: i speak english only sorry
Stranger: ;)
Stranger: okay
You: no hable espanol
You: haha
You: my son would have loved that
Stranger: sure used those 2 years of spanish
You: he’s a doctor
You: ( that’s 8 years )
You: (to become a doctor)
Stranger: im aware
You: he can’t speak spanish though
You: but luckily the body speaks only one language
You: haha
Stranger: so im guessing youre a middle aged woman
You: life starts at 40 buddy!
April 1st, 2009
8:43 am
Full Log:
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hable con ella
You: i speak english only sorry
Stranger: ;)
Stranger: okay
You: no hable espanol
You: haha
You: my son would have loved that
Stranger: sure used those 2 years of spanish
You: he’s a doctor
You: ( that’s 8 years )
You: (to become a doctor)
Stranger: im aware
You: he can’t speak spanish though
You: but luckily the body speaks only one language
You: haha
Stranger: so im guessing youre a middle aged woman
You: life starts at 40 buddy!
Stranger: unless it ends at 30
You: well then you get reincarnated
Stranger: into what
You: it depends doesn’t it
Stranger: does it?
You: on how you act
You: yes
Stranger: what if im bad
You: you may not come back as something as fun as a human being
Stranger: isnt all life wonderful though
Stranger: how could i lose
You: yes i suppose
You: thats a good way to look at it!
Stranger: well yes my dear
Stranger: i’m buddha
You: it’s more pleasant to be nice than horrible though
You: it could happen!
Stranger: it could
Stranger: moreso than jesus
You: anything is possible
You: if you build it they will come!
You: i love kevin costner
Stranger: hes horrible
Stranger: postman?
Stranger: /wrists
Stranger: dont take this the wrong way but it feels like im talking to my mom
You: oh lighten up!
Stranger: so take that
You: what about the untouchables?
You: all boys love the untouchables
Stranger: with a grain of salt
Stranger: or a silver spoon
Stranger: or something like that
You: how old are you?
Stranger: who says im a boy
You: oh
You: thats true!
You: you have a masculine personality i think!
You: are you a girl?
You: or do I need to flip you over and check?
You: haha
You: just kidding!
April 1st, 2009
9:19 am
‘Let me shit in a condom, freeze it, and beat you up with it please’
JOKES!!!
April 1st, 2009
2:02 pm
Cuts out just when conversations get good. kind of like a certain british singer. Code? i think so
April 1st, 2009
6:16 pm
Yeah, It says’conversation imploded’, suckas!
April 3rd, 2009
1:22 pm
Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: from?
You: uk
You: london
You: u?
Stranger: brazil
Stranger: são paulo
You: a/s/l
Stranger: 17/male/brazil
Stranger: and u?
You: f/22
Stranger:
You: what u doing?
You: i’m bored
Stranger: i’m student
Stranger: how is london?
You: what kind of porn do you like?
Stranger: asians girls…and u?
You: anything really dirty, more people the better
You: london is shit i need to leave
Stranger: come here in brazil
Stranger: hahaha
You: no it’s full of scum there too i’ve seen city of god
Stranger: it is very false
You: i bet you’ve favella scum too
Stranger: Fuck you!
You: you coked up scumbag
Stranger: I bet you are white, fat and lives with his mother!
You: nope just your mother
You: she’s favella-coke scum too
April 3rd, 2009
10:02 pm
this is just another thing for me to get obsessed about…right?
why do u do this to me…i already have no life,
i have facebook , myspace, twitter ,bebo and even the special spanish version called tuenti.
and i never go on them i only check them one a month.
by the way thats some weird ass conversation
April 4th, 2009
1:29 am
wtf, i’d never heard of this, i’m AMAZED, it’s the most retarded experience of my life! It even says on the website that it’s totally anonymous but people should ‘feel free to exchange personal contact details’ etc etc… no way at all is this not going to end in tears! I’m so telling all my friends about this, thanks vice…
April 7th, 2009
10:18 pm
Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: heey
Stranger: where you from?
You: London
You: what are you doing my new best friend?
Stranger: are you boy or girl?
You: girl
You: :b
Stranger: im boy
Stranger: how old are you..?
You: 20
Stranger: hmm im 18
You: I don’t mind lol :)
Stranger: are you horny..
You: a bit…
Stranger: hmm nicee
Stranger: what do you like
You: nice guys like you
Stranger: how you know im nice
You: I can tell
Stranger: maybe ive just been very naughty..
You: hmm… what have you just done?
You: ?
Stranger: ive just have sex with a girl ..:$
You: I’m really a boy
Stranger: aa kanker hoer
Stranger: kanker kanker lijer
April 7th, 2009
10:21 pm
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey
Stranger: …………………………………….„-^* ”::::::::::„„„-~-„„ ~-*-„„-^*~~-„„
………………………………..„-^*’ ‘::::„„„-::::„„-~~-„ „::~-„„::::/:::-~^:* ^-„
…………………………….„-*’::: ::::::„-^*::-„„:::~- „„::-„:\:::\:/::„„„„ -~:::::’\
……………………………/::::: :::„-~^^::::^~-„:*-„ ::\::|:„-*-„/„:::::: :::::„„-::’\
…………………………../:::::: ::/::-~~-„„::-„::’\: :|„„-*’ . . . . *-„::::„„„-~^:::|
………………………….|::::::: :~~-„„____„„„-~^* . . . . . . . . *-„:::::::-„\:|
………………………….|:::::„- ^*”¯ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .’\::::^-„:-„\
………………………….|::::’| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .’|::::~-„„:’|
…………………………..\:::’| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . \:::~-„„„:|
……………………………\::’| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\:::::::„-’„
…………………………….*-| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . „„-~~~~-„„ . . .’\::::/ /”\’\
………………………………-| . „„-~~~~-„ . . . . „-*„-^*”o¯¯””’*’ . . . \:/ / . | |
………………………………’\| .*^^*”’¯o¯”’*-„ . . . ,”*^~~^*” . . . . . . | .\*-„ ‘|
………………………………..| . *^~~-~^*” .| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .| ./-~./
……………………………….\’| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .’| . . /’
…………………………………| . . . . . . .„- ‘ . . . .*^„ . . . . . . . . . . ‘|*^*’ I’m Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC..
…………………………………*-„ . . . . . \„-„„_„„-^^-* . . . . . . . . . . .’| ……..Why don’t you have a seat over there
……………………………………\ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ‘|
…………………………………….’\ . . . „„_„„-~–~^*”””. . . . . . . . . / .\
………………………………………\ . . . .”*^~~~^^* . . . . . . . . . ‘/ . . \-„-„
……………………………………….”- „ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .„-* . . . | . \”*-„„
………………………………………….*- „ . . . . . . . . . . . . „„-^” . . . . / . . ‘\;;;;*^-„„
…………………………………………… .|*^-„„ . . . . . . .„„-*’ . . . . . ./’ . . . .|;;;;;;;;;;¯”*^~- „„_
……………………………………….„„- ^*’|\ . . ¯”*^~~^*” . . . . . . .„-* . . . . /;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\;; ;;;;;¯”’*^~-„„_
You: yeah Cheers
You have disconnected.