Photo by Jonathan Hung

With Valentine’s Day in sight, we decided to sit down and review our week in cute things dudes did. These are the things that, as a rule,  just tickle us.

Saying our name. Preferably sloppily into our ear after a few Red Stripes. It’s most likely something heard on The Pickup Artist, but I don’t fucking care. That modicum of evidence that you know who we are will get you banged like a cheap tin drum.

Being nostalgic, unashamedly, even if it is gay. This week a guy told me a story about a girl he liked 6 years ago. He had walked the distance of three whole towns through the snow to meet up with her only to find she had changed her mind and was going out with someone else. She then tossed her hair and made some bitchy comment like “Oh, I’m sorry, didn’t I tell you I was busy? Oopsie!” Then I found out that girl was me. Awesome.

Holding our hand after we’re pretending to sleep after we fucked. Is it so difficult to comprehend that after we’ve let you put it in us it may be a nice de-sluttfying gesture for you to hold our hand? Luckily for me, I came across a cool guy who was totally into this. Quite sweet, end of story.

Oversharing. When you told us that story about turbo-sloppy period sex you had a while back, tribal hand-prints and all, it made us feel better about that time we sullied some Austrian hotel sheets. You’d be surprised how much gross information we can handle.

Being a BMXer, unironically. BMXers are better than skateboarders at fucking and that’s a fact. And not just because most skateboarders are twelve.

Talking to us with no regard for our feelings whatsoever. No seriously, how much better would the world be if girls talked to other girls the ways guys talked to girls? Like when I mentioned to one of my male friends who lives around the corner that I hadn’t seen in months he just said “don’t be so needy” and that was the end of it, wham bam thankyoumaam, and we got frozen yoghurt.

Being ok with us going out with BGebs. That takes trust.

Telling some dude you had a trick to show him, and asking him to hold his index fingers flat together, parallel, then grabbing them, rendering him defenseless, and slapping him in the face as hard as you could. Just to make us laugh.

A-Train and Fiona Cook