Ok, I know stealing Amy Winehouse’s garbage was a cheap shot. But obvious jokes are obvious jokes for a reason; when something is so obviously funny and retarded that every single person in the world is making fun of it, then you know you’re onto a winner. That’s why farting is still funny.
The real challenge was finding her house. I tried googling a bunch of stuff, but had no luck. So I resorted to next-level CSI tactics. Me and my housemate spent hours scanning every YouTube video and paparazzi photo we could find of Amy Winehouse either in or around her house. After a while we got a pretty good idea of what the area she lived in looked like and were able to sketch a (really really really inaccurate) map.
And before anyone points it out in the comments section, I now know that I could have just looked at any article about her (ex?) husband’s trial to find out her address. Or done a search for “Amy Winehouse” on Google Maps. But w/eves. I knew she was away when we went to her house because I’d seen pictures of her looking healthy (ie: like Jewish Gollum) in the paper. I figured her bins would be locked inside because she’s such an obvious target, but we lucked out and there was a yellow wheelie bin with two full bags inside. When we were sure no one was looking, we picked them both up and ran to a little park near her house. The first bag which had been really really heavy, turned out to be full of cat litter.
So joke’s on me I guess; if l will insist on living in the gutter, then eventually I’m going to get covered in cat turd. The second bag was full of shards of broken glass which, after a little inspection turned out to be a goldfish bowl.
So, surprisingly, Winehouse had dull trash. I guess I could try and work on some theory about her breaking the bowl in some drug-induced rampage (and maybe link the cat litter to her no-longer being able to use a toilet) but I think what probably happened is that whoever was looking after her cat broke her goldfish bowl. We ditched the cat shit and took the glass home. Then we started the long and tiresome mission to reconstruct the bowl.
After super-gluing my hands, the bowl, and a cup of coffee to my kitchen table, me and some friends managed to reassemble it.
Good as new!
I was going to hold onto it until she got back from St Lucia, but I heard rumours she’s moving there for good and then I felt a little pity toward her after seeing that whole thing about how she got robbed and really, I’m just sick of looking at the fucking thing. So I took it back last night. I even wrapped it up nice and attached a little note.
When got there, I could tell someone was home because I could see them moving around through the blinds. I rang the buzzer, but no one answered. So I just left the box on the doorstep.
After waiting around a corner for a couple of minutes, I went back to see if it was still there, but it had vanished. So I guess it’s in the hands of Amy’s people now. Either that or the hands of someone who saw a box marked ‘Ms A. Winehouse’ in the street and stole it. Actually, thinking about it, I kind of hope her people don’t have it, because, by returning something to her house that was there when she left (and putting my full name on the note that accompanied it) I may have accidentally framed myself in the robbery of chateau Winehouse. Oops.
JAMIE TAETE
Reader Comments
February 20th, 2009
[...] Insanely addictive. | PopSugar - Celebrity Gossip & News wrote an interesting post today on Stealing, and rebuilding Amy Winehouseâ
February 20th, 2009
[...] Continued here: Stealing and rebuilding Amy Winehouse’s rubbish [...]
February 20th, 2009
You’re going to get AIDS from that bowl
February 20th, 2009
you feel unloved by your parents.
mainly because they don’t love you.
with good reason
February 20th, 2009
[...] 21Q wrote an interesting post today on Stealing and rebuilding Amy Winehouseâ
February 20th, 2009
WHAT AN AMAZING ARTICLE THIS WAS
February 20th, 2009
yeap…this was so refreshing
February 20th, 2009
your sofa is almost as horrible as your shoes
February 21st, 2009
Seriously,,,,,get a life.
February 21st, 2009
I have those shoes they’re great. Jamie Taete rules.
February 21st, 2009
couldn’t you have picked someone cooler to trash steal from? I mean, even just a random person’s house would have been better than that that insane fish-killling cat lady.
February 21st, 2009
^^hey– there’s no proof there was ever a fish in that bowl. It was probably just used in some elaborate crack pipe device
February 21st, 2009
Since when was fish killing a sign of derangement? I come from a long line of fish killers - both professional and recreational.
February 21st, 2009
Finding a reassembled fishbowl I’d thrown out on my doorstep would blow my mind.
February 21st, 2009
Wow, thanks so much for making me mentally picture Amy Winehouse squatting over a cat box at 11 IN THE FUCKING MORNING.
February 21st, 2009
Another idea nicked from loaded (published June 2008) … And your execution is nowhere near as good, with zilcho proof you actually did it (nondescript pavement, no press fallout, etc, etc) what a bunch of ideas flyweights you Vice fellas are!
This is delicious: the Hoxton outsiders doing daylight robbery on a bunch of c**ts you’re meant to hate!
What with this and the donk piece (published in loaded, September 2008), you Shoreditch magpies really are on the rummage with no class, aren’t you?
Here at loaded, we’re totally made up to stand for everything you lot stand against, it makes getting up in the morning that little bit sweeter, but to recycle ideas like this… Put it this way, we’d never nick from your sweetie shop.
Thanks for heisting our items. If you want a forward features list for next time, you won’t find me naval gazing in the Old Blue Last.
Sleep tight my pretty ones,
Martin Daubney
Editor
loaded
February 21st, 2009
what the fuck did Martin Daubney just say? is it that british slang is getting way over my head or is it that he just retarded? someone translate for me.
February 21st, 2009
I saw this in loaded, and those london newspapers! This would have been funny if it was an original idea. Does this mean vice will have lucy pinder on their next cover?
February 21st, 2009
The proof’s on the newsstands, haters. Except it’s not: that issue of loaded went off sale eight months ago. Maybe one of the Vice lot read it in an ironic dentist’s.
February 21st, 2009
You guys realize this is part of an ongoing series of celebrity trash thefts and not a stand-alone article right?
http://www.viceland.com/wp/2009/01/london-stealing-keira-knightleys-rubbish/
http://www.viceland.com/wp/2008/12/london-one-celebritys-trash-is-another-mans/
February 21st, 2009
links?
February 21st, 2009
For links contact loaded back issues dept. You lot can afford it.
February 21st, 2009
Next month in Vice: Jordan?
Donk is a pile of shit but Loaded obviously did it first?
February 21st, 2009
Mingebags
February 21st, 2009
Busted!
February 21st, 2009
Vice has been caught with its pants down - and we’re not talking about the Cheap Mondays half way down yer toothpicks. Walk away from the crime scene.
February 21st, 2009
I did see both of these stories in Loaded a while back.
February 21st, 2009
I’m with links, at least give us the title of the articles they stole from. Nobody in New York is going to track down an 8-month-old issue of a british lad mag
February 21st, 2009
This is like all those times that Vice accuses people like Time and the NYPost of ripping off their stories except somehow even less funny and/or plausible.
February 21st, 2009
Good work calling out vice on their theft, Mr. Daubney, but when are you going to admit to stealing the “origianl idea from Pascal and Routain.
http://www.mep-fr.org/us/actu/bm.htm
February 21st, 2009
HAHAHAA FEEL THE FORCE ?!
Why don’t you get back to your incredibly interesting loaded blog and make some more posts about how vice rips you scum off…
seems like you have a lot to prove there mr daubney?
feeling a little bit second rate yourself there ? fake tan wearing off ? season ticket to meat head chav rovers run out ? need to get your highlights done… but just on the tips of that sainsburys basics range gelled ‘bro do’ you have ?
I wonder what you forward thinking ‘journalists’ will come up with next? maybe a post about how vice is run by nathan barley’s ? or maybe you will continue your original idea and raid someone elses bin and ‘make the headlines’ again.
also - you say that vice is second rate and that people probably havn’t heard of it - i’m not sure if you are aware of this - http://www.alexa.com/site/download
maybe you should download it and see exactly where loaded magazine ranks, and where a second rate unheard of magazine ranks. Unfortunately you are at a rather lagging 44,545th most popular website in the world, where as vice is up there at a rather solid 22,739. and that little site that ripped off your idea of covering the donk music scene I hear you ask ? 4,404th. so when your ’second rate’ lads mag of trash goes under in this credit crunch we are in the midst of, I will drop by your offices before the debt collectors arrive to grab a few loaded mags, Im running low on toilet paper.
may the force be with you.
February 21st, 2009
OUCH, WHAT A BURN
February 21st, 2009
I fucked her
February 21st, 2009
Is Loaded the one that’s like Razzle but with pieces about cars nobody can afford and jokes about bacon sandwiches?
It’s going to close this year.
February 21st, 2009
Ok, so what you’re saying is that you stole a singer’s rubbish before Vice did?
And you wrote an article about something they made a film of?
Congratuations!
Loaded used to be good back in the 70s but this year IPC is definitely going to shut it down.
February 21st, 2009
Vice sucks ironic, middle class balls
February 21st, 2009
Links will be up in 15 minutes gentlemen/ladies.
And to all those being tart, there’s no need to have a pop at loaded: we’re not the ones who’ve been caught in the spot lamp stealing the family silver.
February 21st, 2009
In my hometown of Markyate, we often have garbage thieves but not a ‘donk’ scene.
The kids on the corner do talk about ‘crack’.
If Vice would like to cover this exclusive scoop, please get in touch.
I will keep quiet about it of course
yours, Brian Ebbs, 5 The Pantiles, Markyate, Herts
February 21st, 2009
This is definitely juicy shit, but please chill out with the ridiculous Englishisms already. “spot lamp”?!
February 21st, 2009
Easy there Daubney, I can hear the saliva hitting your monitor from across the Atlantic.
February 21st, 2009
MR DAUBNEY - you are one lame dude. what are you doing trawling the vice site anyway ?
shouldn’t you be making super coo cover photos of plastic girls ?
or are you fishing for ideas ?
how does it feel to work for the worst magazine on the planet ?
February 21st, 2009
A “spot lamp” is not an Englishism. Spot lamps were in fact made popular by the Nazis, and tended to frame those who’d been “caught in the act” in a blinding light.
February 21st, 2009
that trash nicking thing vice do is funny. it’s warm hearted. i didn’t see the loaded thing but i bet it was really nasty. tabs nick trash all the time, isn’t the difference that vice is funny and cute about it? admittedly this wasn’t as good as the gwen or the keira one…
February 21st, 2009
This is a beautiful way to end the week!
February 21st, 2009
Vice cover boobs, Loaded cover boobs, The Sun cover boobs, VICE IS SO UNORIGINAL
February 21st, 2009
OH MY GOD, STEALING RUBBISH - MR DAUBNEY I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU DIDN’T COPYWRITE THAT IDEA, IT’S SOOOO ORIGINAL.
fuckface
February 21st, 2009
Hey why not feature a comedy strip called Office Pest in your next issue. Yak Yak!
February 21st, 2009
lads mags suck.
loaded can lick my balls.
February 21st, 2009
I touch babies in their nether regions. Are you going to copy that too, Vice?
February 21st, 2009
Enjoy: http://www.loaded.co.uk/blog/index.php?blog=6&m=20090220
February 21st, 2009
“Next month in Vice: Jordan?”
Jordan is already in this month’s Vice.
February 21st, 2009
Taking the music scene loaded made a shitty photo spread of (Straight Outta Bolton - genius work) and filming an an interesting 30-minute documentary about it isn’t so much stealing as it is besting you at your own game.
February 21st, 2009
I’m with maan on this, taking a broken fishbowl, putting it back together, and leaving it in a little box on her doorstep is a lot cuter and more clever than spreading her garbage across two pages and making nasty comments about each item (which I can only assume is what you did since the screengrab on your blog is smaller and fuzzier than a gnome’s pubes).
February 21st, 2009
hey. i never thought i’d have to tell people that i’m not a Loaded reader, being a gay male who’d probably get punched in their office, but, I DON’T READ LOADED, and i don’t think i know anyone who does. I certainly haven’t been nicking ideas from you. God, imagine nicking ideas from Loaded.
This post is part of a series i’ve been doing (i think someone put the links up a few posts back). Congratulations for nicking Amy Winehouse’s trash a while back though Loaded, you seem very proud, did you have fun? I didn’t feel the need to get proof…because, well why would anyone bother faking this? Also, what is this ‘press fallout’ you’re boasting about? you leaking the story to the tabloids? good for you! but its not really for me.
Oh and i didn’t have anything to do with the Donk documentary, but haven’t loads of people written about it, isn’t it famous? isn’t the difference that Vice made a documentary? and a five part documentary takes a while to make.
You’re very excited by this coincidence Martin Daubney
goodbye
February 21st, 2009
Even if the Nazis did popularize the SPOTLIGHT that doesn’t make “spot lamp” any less of an anglicism.
February 21st, 2009
MR DAUBNEY has too much time on his hands! His cute rage makes me feel kind of warm inside, which in turn makes me feel kind of weird.
February 21st, 2009
Daubney - you’re so so pleased for a little attention aren’t you. even if you had to dance like a monkey to get it. haha.
February 21st, 2009
i was hoping to see empty vials, little bags with white residue, maybe some syringes…or perhaps a dead baby. that would be suh-weeeeeet
February 21st, 2009
I wonder what kinds of fish she will put in that bowl? gold? fighting fish? snakes maybe? i will keep reading the tabloids to find out.
February 21st, 2009
woah. way too much lingo
February 21st, 2009
Feel the force. And admit you’re second rate. Thank you and good night. x
http://www.loaded.co.uk/blog/index.php?blog=6&p=488&more=1
February 21st, 2009
“Feel the force”? Dude, lay off the coke.
February 21st, 2009
Here is MR DAUBNEY HAH -
February 21st, 2009
I do hope to god that this will make into perez hilton, THATS HOW EXCITING IT IS RIGHT?
February 21st, 2009
Hey Daubs, quit embarrassing yourself. Your bosses are probably looking at this. Where will you work after you are fired?
February 21st, 2009
I spit on Loaded. It just makes me play in my pants and give no real value after the initial explosion.
Whereas Vice, is making me consider the 8th day.
Seriously, Fuck Off Loaded.
February 22nd, 2009
hahaha loaded fucking sucks donkey dong
February 23rd, 2009
LOADED? The magazine that
the pasty, lonely
thirtysomething football
enthusiast buys when
the newsagent is out
of copies of Zoo and Nuts?
Go fuck yourself. Seriously.
February 23rd, 2009
I think her garbage really sums her up - I like it!
February 23rd, 2009
Jamie Taete is fifty million times cooler than Loaded will ever be. Jamie doesn’t need to steal your fucking ideas, Martin Daubney. He IS ideas.
February 26th, 2009
The fallout of this blog at least trebles the enjoyment of it.
March 2nd, 2009
you could of just emailed me, i used to work a dominos in camden delivered loads of pizzas to her road never to her house tho…there were always paperazzi outside her door, dont know how she put up with it really…i delivered to jack braning from eastender, moany git didnt want the pizza cause it was cold even delivered to chris moyes that radio guy he was cool! gave me £6 tip…have still never listened to his show tho lol
April 7th, 2009
[...] < PREVIOUS [...]
May 22nd, 2009
God bless Loaded this just made my week!
counting down the days till this DAUBNEY creep is picking through my bins, looking for scraps of food and dry card board to keep him alive on the streets. After his weak magazine drowns in the over saturated lake of flem that is the lad magz genre.
May 25th, 2009
Who the fuck is Martin Daubney and what the fuck is loaded?
May 26th, 2009
y is everyone getting so pissy for?
i thought it was quite funny
May 29th, 2009
ok i’ve just read this and i’ve been flicking through a copy of loaded thats in our office today, it’s got a girl on the cover with a honeypot between her legs (hhhmmm). so mr daubney, how can you moan about people lifting your ideas (even when blatantly they haven’t and wouldn’t read your magazine- no offence) when there’s an article about “contraceptive pillows” that has been flagrantly lifted from a condom advert from new zealand that was doing the rounds a while back. i notice that there is no reference to said adverts. so how do you plead to that charge, mr daubney?
as for just general originality, i see the magazine has a spead on “Mr T” or whatever his name is, wow top marks for stultifyingly unimaginative nostalgia shit that actually picked up speed about 5 years ago.
i will admit that some of the photo shoots are pretty original, i’ve never seen a lad’s mag be so crass as to pose a model on all fours in schoolgirls uniform and panties, hovering over a spilled jar of kiddies fave flying saucer sweeties, nor have i ever seen a lad’s mag feature two identical twin models simulating sex.
paedophilia and incest flavoured photo shoots, something you can proudly claim as your own
January 1st, 2010
Haha this is priceless. this Daubney fellow is actually claiming that he thought of the idea for going through people’s bins as his own? Is that really something to show off about? That picture of him with his shitty wraparound shades on is just the icing on top. How have I missed this?
January 2nd, 2010
[...] Rysaiklinam šiukšles, geriau ne savo: http://www.viceland.com/wp/2009/02/stealing-and-rebuilding-amy-winehouses-rubbish/ Mokinkis čiulpti gyvenimą – [...]
January 2nd, 2010
Just thought I’d pop back and say hello those above who said, “loaded will close this year.”
Happy new year, from Loaded. x
January 4th, 2010
Loaded?! Really? Is this actually happening? I thought we were done with Loaded like TFI Friday, Ocean Colour Scene and Jeremy Clarkson. Who the fuck is this Daubney c*** and why does he talk like a gym instructor? And shit I thought a bunch of people just lost their jobs over at IPC in November. Hey maybe they can go through celebrity bins for real now.