We’ve already pondered the questions of which race is the cutest and which can drink the most, but one matter that has long eluded us is which race is the best for kids? To the best of our knowledge, nobody has ever come forward with a workable schematic, so we asked a teacher of 7- to 8-year-olds to give us a full breakdown of how the kids stack up against each other.
1. INDIAN KIDS
Shit, Indian kids are my favourite. They are cute, they are well behaved, they have names I can’t even think about pronouncing. Bonus points for British ones who sound like extras in Harry Potter.
2. MEXICAN KIDS
There is nothing I love more than throwing in a little Spanglish while helping a boy named Jesus figure out if he should colour the casa roja or amarilla.
3. BLACK KIDS
Black kids are by far the funniest. My 8-year-olds would constantly be blasting Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop” on their mp3 players on field trips, and my camera from student teaching is filled with pictures of my kids fanning out their lunch money like its hundred dollar bills and they are on a Cash Money Millionaires CD cover. Now if only they would stop beating the shit out of each other in school…
4. ASIAN KIDS
Totally way cute and make me want to either bang an Asian dude and make the new John and Kate Plus 8, or go on an adoption shopping spree in Cambodia. On the down side, sometimes they’re boring because they hardly ever talk.
5. WHITE KIDS
White kids are lame. I usually like poor kids, but poor white kids are just dirty and gross and rich white kids won’t shut the fuck up about how many times their family has been to Disney World and then their mums start bitching to me about how Johnny isn’t getting enough attention. Definitely the most dud-like and least fun.
BGebs’ blog is a life-affirming account of one American’s journey in supply teaching on Brick Lane, banging the guy from the Virgins, and staving off gout.
Reader Comments
January 28th, 2009
6:01 pm
Mexican kids don’t live in London
January 28th, 2009
11:04 pm
i know this is just meant to be a joke, so i’m sorry for being such a dick but this did not make me laugh.
so no purpose was met
January 29th, 2009
12:04 am
BUT IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND HURRRRRRRRRRRRRR
January 29th, 2009
12:26 pm
What about worst races?
January 29th, 2009
6:18 pm
no purpose was met? what the fuck does that mean?
January 30th, 2009
2:22 am
I feel as though the author here went for the easy option of attacking white kids and shyed away from saying anything negative about other races, when I went to School the brown kids were miles behind all the other kids in terms of work and as they got older would group together and form gangs.
They also had no problem being racist to white kids but as soon as they said something racist back they’d tell on them which was a bit gay.
I’m not saying I disagree with your comments on white kids, but come on, dish some dirt on the other races.
March 13th, 2009
6:03 pm
douglas come on, white people can’t say racist stuff to the other races cos we’ve been shitting on them for so many years. maybe if we had been the slaves instead then things would be different and you could be as racist as you want but SADLY we were the bastards who stole them from their homes and made them work for free and shit. damn.
March 20th, 2009
4:50 pm
lol?
March 21st, 2009
10:12 pm
Arabs had more black slaves then whites did. Anyway they’re practically asking to be slaves nowadays, what with cheap labour.
And lower-class white kids are failing the most in school. Times change. This list is proberbly just about right though. But black kids should be at the top, they’re just so funny to watch. White kids are just whiney bitches.
September 17th, 2009
6:31 am
Luisa knows what shes talking bout peoples!