When Bane broke Bruce Wayne’s back we were told it was forever, but backs can heal. Wayne started walking, then started doing kung fu, then started kicking the shit out of Azrael the schizophrenic medieval knight who acted as an interim Batman and turned the suit into a cyborg murder machine. Yeah, Wayne made a comeback. When Superman was killed by Doomsday back in the 90’s he eventually fought his way through the afterlife (in a series of really dull comics all painted in soft tones) and was reborn. But he was Super, so he could. But now Batman’s fallen out of a helicopter, and stopped breathing/moving/living. It’s hard to see how he comes back from this one.
Archive for November, 2008
LONDON - THE BNP GOES FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH
Remember these handsome guys? They are members of the BNP and they were shot a couple of years ago at some rally to protest against all the muslims in Christian churches. They did such a good job that today, in 2008, the Koran is STILL not being taught by any vicars, priests or nuns or in any way being connected with God and the baby Jesus.
Despite their amazing work, some critics said that their look was a little dated and that maybe the BNP should have a look at updating their style and general something something about public image. So we were delighted to receive a new photo of some BNP members who were snapped by one of our friends shortly after putting one of their totally brilliant leaflets with hardly any spelling mistakes in through his front letter box.
Click through to see the new faces of reasonable hate.
LONDON - THANKS FOR THE CLARENDON, DAVE EGGERS
Here in London where the streets are paved with gold, we are roughly four years behind in terms of the nuances of metropolitan America’s literary gang wars. Are they still happening? Is n+1 still dropping flaming bags of shit on McSweeney’s doorstep? Are people in Williamsburg still playing kickball and thinking they’re adorable? I digress…
With that said, we are fully prepared for the consequences when we say that we still totally bum Dave Eggers.
LONDON - THE BEST ALBUMS EVER, 2008
As the 2008 slams the brakes on, editors the breadth of the land put their feet up on the desk and just serve you some reconstituted yesterdays: top-10-20-30-50-100 countdowns of stuff that happened over the past twelve months. But as you grind your way through one end of year music supplement banging on about Kings Of Leon & MGMT after another, your eyes go oblong and there’s a sense of intense, giddying deja vu. Haven’t we seen it all before? In every other magazine/paper/webzine/cereal box? Like, every year? Forever?
Slice through the crap: this is The Only Top 35 Albums Of The Year Countdown You’ll Ever Need.
MONTREAL - I’M SCARED OF STICKING MY HANDS INTO HOLES
Our intern Michael in the Montreal office is actually from New Hampshire, and he’s all serious and stuff. You might remember him from a couple of weeks ago, when we asked him whether farts were actually just air-poop, and he researched the subject for us and delivered a considerate answer. Recently, we asked Michael what he was scared of, and because he’s a serious guy he answered seriously. "Heroine" was one of the things on his list, along with "driving in the rain - as a passenger or driver," "standing on a balcony above the third floor," and "playing tackle football." But by far the most interesting thing on his list was "sticking my arm into a hole". So of course we had to ask Michael to go stick his arm into some holes and document the results. We want what’s best for him but he said we were sadists.
LONDON - HAIRSPRAY DOES THIS TO YOUR COCK
What do you get when you cross a hairdresser, two ripped condoms and one night of screwing? Horrible dicks.
In the latest in a slew of bizarre and unsavoury scientific studies (here, here, here and more entertainingly here and here) it has emerged that the link between big firm hair and bad sex is more than just a rumour. Have cancer, aids and acne been cured or something? Because there seem to be a lot of doctors out there twiddling their pipettes.
LONDON - BRITS CAN’T NAVIGATE, LOVE SCI-FI
Film-maker, organiser of London goods-exchange program Free Shit Salt Grit, and this dude’s son Leo Leigh has documented his day spent with sci-fi and fantasy enthusiasts in a south London pub. At one point this one of them sounds like he is on the verge of actual human tears while talking about Back To The Future. Listen here.
CATCHING UP - TOP TEN BLOG ENTRIES YOU PERVS LOOKED AT
Why is it when we posted like two sentences about how The Cribs smeared blood all over their faces at the Vice UK three-year anniversary party everyone swam up like sharks sniffing for a job? Or even when warned about how soul-annihilatingly awful something was, you still just had to click—and then you blamed us for baiting you? Yeah, we can be sick fucks sometimes but guess who’s even sicker? You.
LONDON - DEATH SET SECRET SHOW, TONIGHT
You like The Death Set right? So do I. Have you seen them live though? The thing is that’s kind of the point with this band, their spitting-Wham City-circle pit-flare gun-dogfight-love-in all comes together when its breathing fire directly into your face. So it’s good then that they’ve just announced a secret show tonight at the Old Blue Last. They’re on at about 10.30, Titus Andronicus and Fan Death are on before. Come! Scrum! Fun!
LONDON - NEW DRUGS, THE ARMY DOES IT AGAIN
My housemate is a recording artist and she sometimes records in studios that other recording artists have been recording in immediately before her. Just recently she was putting the finishing touches to something or other at a studio where a popular "dance-rock" act had been doing the same thing and she noticed lots of scissors and bandages lying around the place. She asked someone what it was, and apparently the bandages are these new army issue morphine soaked things that get you totally high if you put them on, but then as soon as you take them off you stop being high immediately with no comedown.
LONDON - THE RETURN OF CLARENCE STATELY (HOLMES)
Clarence Stately-Holmes is the alias I used to use for my (slightly embarrassing but very fun to write) Grimewatch column in Vice where I would write about stuff like Jammer’s imaginary line of night-wear for kids, Py-Jammers.
Yesterday I decided to Google the name and found that as well as an a
emo teen from New Zealand using it as his screen name on Bebo, by
strange coincidence, there is a real-life guy called Clarence Stately.
He is a US soldier who has been stationed in Iraq, he seems to love
Halo 3 and Silent Hill and we are now best mates on Facebook. He is
currently back at home but has promised he will send me a regular war
diary the next time he heads out for a stint in Iraq.
Here are some snaps he took in Baghdad earlier in the year.
NEW YORK - THAT YES MEN THING DID SUCK
Wow, little did we know when we decided to drop some science on the Yes Men’s half-assed New York Times prank it would actually be pre-science that wound up shattered on the ground. This morning Is Greater Than ran an interview with one of the original participants in the Times hoax who walked out of the project when she realized the whole thing was becoming more about getting the Yes Men’s face on TV again than making any sort of coherent point about the New York Times, corporate control of mainstream press, or the war in Iraq. She makes some good points we wish we’d thought of yesterday, like how activists are so consumed with getting media attention for their cause they start tailoring it to be more marketable, and how, at the end of the day, groups like the Yes Men are more interested with establishing the equity of their own brand (thankfully we were able to slide a mention of those asinine “brandless” sneakers Adbusters sells into the comments but believe-you-us are we kicking ourselves for leaving them out in the first place).
NEW YORK - GO SEE JUBILEE TONIGHT
Speaking of empowered women rebelling against the system, Jubilee is screening a few times this evening at BAM. Like many movies with a feminist twist, it’s rambly and goes nowhere, but at least it’s got time travel, outfits you wish you’d have the tits to wear, all the greats in late-70s new wave punk, murder, arson, babes, dwarves, and various acts of social transgression. And that’s all the stuff you need to have an amazing viewing experience. Plus, since it’s a big giant fuck-you to elitist government, which is basically a big giant fuck-you to authority (aka mom and dad), it’ll send you into top asshole form when you show up for turkey with the family tomorrow.
