Holy crap you guys. Remember all those times GG Allin threatened to kill himself onstage on Halloween? Well, probably not if you were five at the time, but remember all those times it said GG Allin threatened to kill himself on Halloween on his wikipedia page? This is kind of similar to that but completely different. A couple weeks ago we reported that NY hardcore fixture and occasional equestrian Rick ta Life had shaved off his trademark dreadlocks. What we didn’t realize at the time was that, far from the rudimentary motion toward maturity we mistook the gesture for, the shaving was actually an act of primal desperation/capitalism.

According to lengthy upper-case blocks of words from the williamsboard, following the Negative Approach reunion show at Southpaw this past May Rick Ta Life was jumped by a bunch of guys and woke up in the hospital with a lot of heinous wounds. "MY EYE WAS SPLIT OPEN," Rick told the board, "I HAVE STITCHES IN MY EYE, BLACK EYE, BLACKENED FACE, RINGING IN MY EAR A CONCUSION, MY JAW CLICKS WHEN I EAT OR CHEW EVERYDAY." The incident sent Rick into a months-long suicidal depression from which he was only able to pull himself from through the intervention of God, a rap side-project, and his own prospective clothing line. However, due to his mounting medical bills and the initiatory costs of these life-saving endeavors (excluding religion, for now), Rick has been forced once more to fall back on his storied entrepreneurial acumen. To wit, he is selling his dreads. For every $125 you donate to his get-well/don’t-kill-yourself-on-Halloween fund, Rick will send you a lock of your choosing in its own custom-made coffin carrying case. (We would be wont to call bullshit on this if he hadn’t included his bank account and cell phone number multiple times.) Obviously, we’re talking about a fairly limited supply here, and given Rick’s, shall we say, delicate mental state, we can see these suckers appreciating value faster than Three Mile Island commemorative plates (totally real and pre-meltdown, BTW). Also, support the scene etc etc. We’d give you the specific details for ordering, but that would require us to wade through a whole bunch of this:

PS: whoever recommended Rick’s next facial tattoo be TCL (Total Caps Lock), you are our new favorite human being.