Thoth deck is on deck. Here’s where you get a live tarot reading. Right now, for about an hour. Post a question in the comments section and you’ll get an answer from the ancient occult oracle of the Atu. It sounds really simple and that’s because it is.

Update: This is closed now. We’re doing it again tomorrow from noon to 1 PM Eastern Time.

Justin: Yes. You’re about to begin a new journey. It’s not easy being an intern here…keep your eyes open and watch for tigers. Oh, and don’t whine. You’ll want to. They fucking hate that.

Zane: You’re a recluse. You masturbate a lot. You’re secretly afraid of failure…pay attention to signs. Someone’s got secrets for you but you’re stagnant, and you need to look inward.

Amy: You were acting on your dreams of conflict and war. Why does everything have to be so hard all the time? Quit asking like a pussy and start fighting like a warrior.

To the anonymous person asking about elections: This exercise is all about self-direction. I won’t do readings like that–way too fucking scary!

Rick: Whoever this woman is, she will make you feel hopeful, grounded, wealthy in all kinds of ways. You two will celebrate a lot but not get too crazy. And um, I think you might get her pregnant first!

Zane: Can you beat it? You already are. (Ha.) But seriously, start meditating. Still and stagnant are two different things.

Squonk: You’re kind of a charlatan, aren’t you? You know a little about a lot of things, which is great, but when it’s time to rule you tend to clamp down too hard and burn out. Good news is you could have a big celebration coming up but you need to learn how to harness all your mental energy to get make it happen.

Ming James: Oh, you are the sensitive, dreamy type! This girl makes you totally jealous, right? She drives you to want to write faggy abjective-laden poetry too. That’s all fine. Good things are ahead as long as you can cut through to What Is instead of What May Be. This requires major change…major.

Terry: I’m just consulting a map. Your colon is blocked and you’re partying too much.

JCH: You have a grass-is-greener complex. Nothing’s ever good enough. That’s mostly a good trait when feeling ambitious, but you need to express gratitude for what you have. Say "thank you" every morning. There’s a big change coming up and it’s gonna feel scary but you’ll eventually be stoked because of it.

Pyramid Head: OK, here’s where reading tarot can seem to some people like total bullshit, because for your answer, I’m going to reiterate almost exactly what you asked. I know that’s frustrating and annoying but suck it up and let’s move on: You’re a little self-absorbed and you’re at odds with what you love and what would make you feel secure. I’m not sure your art films are that great. I can’t believe I’m saying this because the world has enough commercial ventures but you might want to try going for something more stable, make some money. I think you might get more perspective on art from it.

JFR: You sick fuck, I can’t believe you’re making me consult the tarot for this. But I did, and it’s really weird: it says you already are doing this by being incredibly intelligent, sharp, and driven.

James: Was your girlfriend a Scorpio? No matter, she was driven by lust and tended to reflect people better than she could project her own self. Keep the peace, buddy. You’re in the mood for a rampage but keep your mind still and move on.

TO EVERYBODY: Please stop questions now. I’ll finish up with Paul S. You’re welcome to post responses to your readings though.

Marzbarz: Holy shit, yeah, you’re really stuck somewhere. You’re constantly fighting and losing, and you’re feeling unstable, like you’re going "without" in general. It’ll probably keep going for a while but hang on–you’re going to find a big love because of it. A romantic kind.

CCCCCC: Shit, girl, I somehow erased my response to your question. Ummm basically it said that you’re a positive princess who likes a good challenge, but he’s a bad challenge. He leaves you with his burdens and makes you feel way overwhelmed. Still, there’s a small chance it could work, as long as you quit taking on his shit and be the free, soaring, happy person you are.

Catherine: You’ve got a rumbling. God that sounded really spacy…that’s just how I can put it. I can feel your ache. But you’re not being nice or true to yourself. You gotta figure out how to mix all your powers the right way…use your mind and your body.

OK SERIOUSLY, EVERYONE: This is a blast, but I’ve already said I’m ending today’s session with Paul S. Come back tomorrow around noon EST and we’ll do another round. You’ll have to repost, though–this is like one of those radio station ticket-giveaways where you just have to keep on calling.

Teena: You’re at the bottom and ready for an upturn. You’re totally in luck: those shit winds (aka farts) are a-changin’. Good news is on its way. Watch for a charming, confident, brash, gent.

Jesse: Things are fucking rough right now. Someone stab you in the back? Good thing is, the poison has been let out and you can move on. Do that by stabilizing yourself (without getting too rigid and shut down) and then GO. Be daring, fearless, all that stuff on a motivational poster.

Neidermeyer: I almost don’t even want to consult the cards for this one. I want to just tell you this: You’re supposedly old enough to be out of college and you’re still worried about what your parents want you to do with your life? Grow up, live with what you did, and quit acting like a child. But here’s what the cards say: Your foolish little endeavor has you trapped. You’re losing a lot of things and you feel like you’re in need. Start fresh, and with dignity and honor. You’re the ruler of your kingdom.

Paul S.: All right, let’s bring this back around to you. That’s how tarot is most useful. You feel like a magician with this girl. The sex is incredible, and on top of that there’s a real, undeniable spark of love. However, the endeavor is stupid, and may not go anywhere if the situation stays as it is. I really hate to condone infidelity and scheme but the cards say you could have something amazing with this chick.