We hate male hats. With exceptions made for those that keep you warm and those that keep high-velocity bolts from perforating your brain, they all make the heads they live on look as bald and attention-starved as a banjo-playing only-child on a unicycle. Oh, who’s also bald. However, we know from our previous outing on the subject that there are those of you out there who would rather post threatening comments on the internet than let the hat leave their itchy, bad-smelling scalps. As a concession to your shitty taste, we are giving away this hat made by Brixton and In4mation to whoever emails this guy the best reason why they need it. Actually, it looks like a pretty decent hat as far as hats go. If somebody put a knife to our throat and told us to wear it, we’d be like “Are you serious? Wear a piece of woven straw on our heads or you’ll kill us? OKOKOK. Look, we’re putting it on right now. There. See? It’s on, it’s on our head, just put the knife down. What the hell was that about?! No seriously, that was fucked up.”
Reader Comments
September 26th, 2008
fuck hats unless you’re in the army or are a cop or in some line of work where people want to shit on your head or you’ll get shit in my food. i hate them so much. especially this type.
September 26th, 2008
GQ is reporting that straw hats will be a big trend for spring. Imagine winning this right now and being able to say “first,” just like on the viceland comments.
September 26th, 2008
this is all very very perplexing.
September 26th, 2008
I hope to god Julio Inglesias is just some misguided putz from the hat company and not a real human being.
September 26th, 2008
nahhhhh, you can keep that shit.
September 26th, 2008
i already won the hat
September 26th, 2008
what if you are bald and your head gets cold?
actually, fuck you hair having haters
September 27th, 2008
Second sentence, genius. “With exceptions made for those that keep you warm… “
September 27th, 2008
Fuck, I hate hats.
Did I win though?
September 27th, 2008
I wear a hat so I don’t sunburn my bald head.
September 29th, 2008
i love hats - they are great. however men in hats are twats.