We don’t know what nefarious toxin has been slipped the Man of Steel in this video from some Dutch rave (although we’re guessing it might start and/or end with a K), but for all its debilitative effects thank god it at least imbued him with the power to pull off the best thirty-minute-long silent Mussolini impression the world has ever seen.
Archive for August, 2008
MEMPHIS - EXCLUSIVES
In the world of local-news reporting there is no juicier, more delicious, right-within-biting-range-r carrot than getting an exclusive. It shows that you’re ahead of the pack, that you’re a real journalist, not just some olive-suited shlub driving around in a van with a police scanner, but someone who can dig deep into the tangled fabric of society and wrest the truth from its murky surroundings. Sometimes, however, it just shows that you are a chronic masturbator. PS: We’d cut the reporter in the below footage a little slack if he didn’t have one of the horniest faces we’d seen since this guy. Seriously though, right? It’s not just us here, is it?
NEW YORK - A CONSTANT STATE OF DREADS
Here’s a question for all you godless Darwin-types out there: If natural selection really kills off those attributes least suited for survival, how come we are still being plagued by white people who think letting their hair grow into one long, bug-infested crap of a turd will get them laid some 30 years after they started turning stomachs? The guy with the infinity-dread number feeding back into the scalp which birthed it was sent to us by a reader earlier this summer. The left one was spotted at the East River Bar over the weekend by this guy who shoots for us after he managed to shanghai a female member of their party and impress her into a 40-minute term of shitty-breathed boredom service. Assuming that in each case the dread has taken over for the brain by this point, we aren’t going to bother with the question of what they’re thinking. But how do they sleep at night? I mean literally, how do they do it? Do they tuck the lock between their legs like one of those body pillows for frigid dowagers, or do they let it cascade off the side of the waterbed (no question) so the rats can nibble the ends at their own comfort and leisure?
HOLLAND - SUPERMAN ON KRYPTONITE
Here’s footage of Superman falling victim to a dose of Kryptonite at the Mysteryland dance music festival last weekend. See how The Man of Steel’s day took a turn for the worse.
LONDON - SNIFFER DOGS STINK
Dear Vice,
I used to think sniffer dogs were adorable when I saw them busting city boys carrying Friday night wraps at Liverpool Street station. But now there are so many dogs detecting drugs on the underground that I can’t go anywhere and it’s harshing my mellow. The Met Police has over 250 dogs and hundreds more are being supplied by private security firms to patrol festivals this summer. I almost got busted during carnival by a sniffer dog unit at the entrance to Paddington tube. I avoided the checkpoint by doing that thing where you suddenly act all dumb and pretend you’re going the wrong way. Don’t for one minute think you can sneak by these mutts. While a packed station can be a sensory overload to their noses, once that Cockerspaniel sits down by you you’re done for. Even if you double wrap it and spray it and put it in a baggy in foil in a roll of film in a shampoo bottle shoved up your ass, these dogs will find it.
BOOK - TRUE NORWEGIAN BLACK METAL
You know the VBS documentary True Norwegian Black Metal? Well, the photographer who helped us make it, Peter Beste,
has collaborated with us again to put out an over-sized tome by the same name. This visceral photographic
journey is the result of eight years working in an isolated, secretive
and often violent musical subculture. Beste gained unprecedented access
to members of this extremist
underground, some of whom have committed murder, burned down medieval
wooden churches,
and desecrated graveyards. You can buy True Norwegian Black Metal here and see selected images after the jump…
GERMANY - GYM CANDY
VBS - A CHINESE HEDGEHOG IN NEW YORK
If you’ve watched today’s episode of Rock Under the Red Flag on VBS (aka R.O.C.K. in the C.H.I.N.A.) odds are that right when Beijing’s Hedgehog hit the screen about a minute in you were like "Hey this isn’t bad…" (or "Jesus, easy on the fucking flange" if you’re a guitar nerd) and then when the guy in Birthday Boyz says the girl drummer wails like no other you kind of cocked your head and were like "Really? I mean yeah she’s good, but no other?" Then there was all that business with the turtle and the band receded to the back of your mind, but then suddenly at 4:25 the band came back in and she was in fact wailing like no other and the words "HOLY SHI-" caim leaping out of your mouth before you could clap your hand over it. She’s like a tiny Chinese Keith Moon. Anyways, we just wanted you to know that Hedgehog are playing this Saturday at South Street Seaport with a bunch of other Chinese bands that we doubt will be as good.
THE INTERNET - LAND OF THE FREE
Steve Schofield takes photographs of Brits obsessed with American popular culture. His fanatical subjects are usually shot sitting in their living rooms or making a cup of tea in their kitchens while dressed up as sci-fi characters, cowboys or Elvis. See selected images from this series of documentary portraiture after the jump…
DEAR VICE - SOUTH BANK ARTISTE
Dear Vice,
Has anyone seen the homeless-looking guy who stands outside the Tate Modern with these placards laid out in front of him? He’s penned various slogans that declare his innermost desires and his views on people in the public eye. I questioned him about his artwork, but he just growled "Have you got any spare change? Bastard!" Charming.
CHRIS
READING - CAGE FIGHTS
By Sunday night of the Reading Festival, after three days of being out in the elements and with no money, no drugs and no booze left, the campsites begin to resemble something out of Lord of the Flies: posh kids with muddy faces setting fire to daddy’s tent and braying "Bollocks!" into the night. Myths about the mischief that goes on have been circulating for years: toilets being set on fire, trolley wars, guys getting their balls blown off by exploding gas cannisters. But by far the best story is the one about the cage fights…
LITERARY - SWEDISH DEATH METAL
This book will be of interest to roughly 1% of all the music nerds looking at this site, but for that 1% holy shit is it a no-brainer. Despite the title’s pigeon-hole, this book traces the history of pretty much all heavy music in Sweden all the way from the formation Anti-Cimex in the early 80s to whatever Xzoriath were doing just a few minutes ago. It was written by Daniel Ekeroth of Insision and Tyrant and features interviews with the major players in all the individual Swedish scenes from Boras to Finspang all the way out to Mjolby and also includes an obscenely thorough reference section to help you keep your Incisions straight from your Insisions, your late-80s thrash Infanticides from your 2000s grindcore Infanticides, and your mid-90s death metal Sundsvall Impiouses from your mid-90s death metal Trollhattan Impiouses. We asked Daniel to give us a rundown of the book’s basics for those of you who’ll never read it.
DEAR VICE - PREDON’T
Hello Editor:
Firstly, I enjoy reading your magazine. (I plan on using it as a reference in my Fashion Trends class). In your last issue I saw a "don’t" of someone who I had photographed as well, almost 5 years ago. I hope you enjoy my take of him. He was a really quite a strange gentleman.
Cheers,
JEREMY
