The future is going to suck! Last week we reported that talking on your cell phone causes bees to die, which kills crops, which results in famine. Well, here’s some more not-so-happy-in-the-hereafter news. Apparently the radiation emitted by wireless internet networks kills brain cells, so we’ll all be riddled with brain cancer and senile in our forties. This electronic smog could turn out to be "the cigarette of the 21st century."
But you needn’t worry about turning into a cretin. In a few years we’ll be living in a Mad Max world, where downloading ringtones won’t seem as important as scoring some nutriment capsules (future food) and gas masks.











Reader Comments
April 24th, 2007
6:49 pm
A 2006 University of Landau pilot study looking for non-thermal effects of RF on honey bees (Apis mellifera carnica) suggested that when bee hives have DECT cordless phone base stations embedded in them, the close-range EMF emissions may reduce the ability of bees to return to their hive; they also noticed a slight reduction in honeycomb weight in treated colonies. [37] In the course of their study, one half of their colonies broke down, including some of their controls which did not have DECT base stations embedded in them.
The team’s 2004 exploratory study on non-thermal effects on learning did not find any change in behavior due to RF exposure from the DECT base station operating at 1.9 GHz.[38]
In April 2007, news of this study began appearing in major media; at least one article, in The Independent, stated that the subject of the study was “mobile phones”,[6]. Cellular phones were in fact not covered in the study, and the researchers have since emphatically disavowed any connection between their research, cellphones, and CCD, specifically indicating the aforementioned article in The Independent as misinterpreting their results and creating “a horror story”[39].
Many possible biological effects of non-ionizing electromagnetic fields have been postulated but it is generally accepted that the most significant effects are thermal.[40]. The amount of RF radiation routinely encountered by the general public is too low to produce significant heating or increased body temperature.[41]
At present the link of either cordless or cellular phones to CCD is entirely speculative, and no research has been done to suggest or demonstrate such a link between the two phenomena. Regardless, such an explanation is not compatible with the historical and present patterns of CCD appearance, which have been intermittent and sudden.
April 24th, 2007
7:00 pm
When you first throw away dial-up modems and cables and you first go wireless it’s like losing your virginity. But all the reports about how bad wireless/mobile phones are for your health, its kinda like finding out that the girl you lost your virginity to was a HIV + and Ebola + too.
April 24th, 2007
7:23 pm
AH HA!
And you thought a weapon skateboard and Barter Town clothes and practicing breathing through a respirator for eight hours at a time were stupid eh’ vice?
In twenty years time it’s going to be me, Keith Richards, and the cockroaches.
And, yes, that will also be the name of the band.
April 24th, 2007
10:30 pm
quit posting this unsubstantiated bullshit. first the pure speculative bee thing now this. this is from the folks at vice australia isnt it?
April 24th, 2007
10:32 pm
nikki… youre a fuckin dork..
April 24th, 2007
10:57 pm
weapon skateboard? hello 1989 you wanker
April 24th, 2007
11:07 pm
wow, the independant is getting tabloid trashy.
April 24th, 2007
11:51 pm
There is photographic evidence that “.” indulges in respirator practice as well despite his billing me a “dork”.
You’re all just as worried.
It needs to stop raining and agave based tequila needs to stop being so assessable. I keep reflexively placing apostrophe between the ‘d’ and ’s’ of ‘needs’.
Something is indeed wrong.
And thank god for spell checker.
I was all spelling it “erpostrophy” and shit.
But I digress.
We spend all this time making wheels spin by unearthing the dirtiest shit we can dig (i.e. Coal/oil) and then send all this carbon and mercury into…
Space?
No sillies.
Regrettably,
It does not go into space.
It just goes into our atmosphere so it can piss it’s unsustainable noxiousness right back onto us so we’re all surprised when polar bears start practicing cannibalism and New Orleans turns into a soup of our chemicals or eating fish from lake Michigan causes your newborn son to have three arms and half a brain…
Trust me, when only the richest people in the world can afford high test gasoline (give-or-take thirty years) you will all be praying to scavenge a pair of Rollerblades or a schwinn bike or a weapon skateboard from the giant pile of TRASH that we have left for our future offspring to live off of.
Meanwhile, I will continue delaying the inevitable if-you-don’t-mind Sir.
That said, I’m going to go ruin my bearings in this wonderous chemical stew that’s waiting for me outside. It’s been raing for three days after snowing for a week. In April.
Man,
Fuck global warming, man.
…
Man…
April 25th, 2007
12:24 am
hey word
what he said
April 25th, 2007
12:37 am
hey nikki, how many e’s in geeeeeeeeek?
April 25th, 2007
4:03 am
cell phones aren’t killing bees.
it’s a load of bunk from the Independent.
April 25th, 2007
1:32 pm
This doomsday bullshit is really starting to get on my nerves, and I bet I´m not the only one. Sure, there are many reasons to worry ´bout our future, but electric appliance radiation is NOT one of these things, neither is BSE, H5N1, Comets, or terrorism. In the early 20th century trains were considered a safety hazard because of their surreal speed of 40km/hour. STOP SPREADING THIS BULLSHIT RIGHT NOW.
besides, the future will be better tomorrow
April 26th, 2007
1:03 am
Nikki loves Vice.
May 3rd, 2007
3:50 am
vice is like the fox news of science.
please stop.