Dear Vice,
One night in October me and some friends got ourselves kicked out of a party. On the way to the next one we went for hotdogs. In front of us in the line was this tiny, homeless lady. Her jacket was rugged, her shoes had been worn for a decade, as had her pants. Suddenly some asshole at the back of the line started yelling stuff like, “What a little shitty lady!” …
The little lady was just ordering, but she stepped out of line and went off crying. One of my friends went over to her to check that she was alright. He asked if she was crying because the jock called her a shitty lady. “No,” the women answered.
Buddy: "Then why are you crying?"
Bag lady: "He wouldn’t accept my money!"
Buddy: "Why not?"
Bag lady: "Because there’s shit on it."
Buddy: "Why is there shit on your bill?"
Bag lady: "Because I wiped myself with it!"
The lady then pulled out a SEK500 bill (€50) with shit on it. At this point I felt a need to step in too. I went over to my buddy and to my surprise she (my friend) had started a dialogue with this woman about how to wipe yourself with leafs and other papery things, but never ever with money!
I saw her nodding and then she started crying again. We asked if she was hungry and if she wanted a hotdog, and she screamed at us for a while about being a vegetarian. After a while she calmed down and said that a spring roll would be just fine.
We ordered her a spring roll and decided to leave, but as we were walking away the homeless lady pulled out her wallet because she wanted to get some change, and when she opened it I saw a huge roll of 500 bills, all covered in shit.
JESPER EDVINSSON
Reader Comments
March 29th, 2007
THATS NOT MUD.
March 29th, 2007
shit
March 29th, 2007
this is turning into those stories you made up when you were 13, isnt it?
is the next one going to be about when some kids dog ate bubblegum and blew fat bubbles all day?
March 29th, 2007
I heard the same story in Vancouver, except it involved an old Sikh guy and a fortune in two dollar coins….oh ya, and shit, lots of shit…myspace/eltonbong
March 30th, 2007
how do you see every bill covered in shit when its in a roll, and in a wallet, at night
think about it
March 30th, 2007
i said wow
March 30th, 2007
I’m kinda confused by the shit roll/wallet thing. Are wallets cylindrical in Sweden? Oh those Swedes- so forward thinking with their Acne jeans, homeless vegetarians, round wallets and albinism.
March 31st, 2007
what the fuck guys?
why would he make up a story and then send it to a magazin where the thing is to rate, and reject stuff?
Do you actulley thik that he thougth this would be he big break thru?
brag to all his friends and put on his CV?
its not like its hard to get shit publiced here.
And mr elton bong have you been to a foodstand i sweden?
Its lite up like a emusment park on crack ofcurse he could see it.
April 1st, 2007
hey erik, yr a dumb Scandinavian scunt, deal with it. also, shut the fuck up.
November 5th, 2007
something like that actually was on the news in a parisian newspaper. earlier this year a bum lady who had lived in a pile of stuff on the pavement (for years) refused to go with the police. after arresting the bum those guys who had to clean out the place discovered that she had been sitting on some 80.000 € in small change…
but whats the point in shit on your money? either way money bills are just as dirty anyways…
April 30th, 2009
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we need ypur urgent asssitance through dahabshiilonlie.
20000$ now. send us amd visas.
Nb/ visa card is not vailable here/or mastrad card.
they will pay passort no. only semd it dircely now .thanks
be kind for us.