The Mungiki are a retro politico-religious sect in Kenya who have spent the better part of the past decade trying to return their country to its old tribal ways by hacking apart rival tribe members with machetes and publicly stripping women who dress too sexy or wear pants. The Raelians are those nerds who believe we have to clone a person before our alien creators come back to Earth and keep convincing gullible news agencies that they’re actually making some progress. Considering the gulf dividing their typical recruits (poor Kikuyu tribesmen and lonely science students), you would think the two would never even have a chance to consider having any sort of beef with each other, and up until this past week you would have been right.

You see, one of the tribal customs the Mungiki are pretty key on bringing back in modern Kenya is female circumcision–they’re so key, in fact that a couple years ago they issued an ultimatum for all women between 13 and 65 to get circumsized or have it done for them at machete-point. On the other hand Rael, the French bichon-frise in charge of the Raelians, isn’t quite down with lopping off girls’ buttons. To this end he’s launched Clitoraid, an organization dedicated to surgically restoring clitorii to circumsized women. At the moment they’re only equipped to help arrange individual surgeries for a small number of women, but their hope is through support of their “Adopt a Clitoris” program they can establish an initial “Pleasure Hospital” in Burkina Faso to perform the operation and from there branch outwards. Given the stranglehold feminism has had on the world of philanthropy, it could only be a matter of years before the Raelians hit Kikuyu turf and we get to see who the real ultimate warriors are: Dreadlocked snuff-addicts with rusty machetes or shiny-robed geeks with papier-mache UFOs. Here’s hoping.