Dear Vice,
I spotted this on the sale rack at some vintage $60-80s-rock-shirt place on Main in Vancouver. It is quite possibly the single worst shirt in the whole history of fucking humanity. Only problem is, I can’t figure out how exactly to classify it: Post-ironic-skeeze-out? Meta-dirtbag?
Yours,
CHRISTOPHER OLSON
Alternative weddings are gay. If you’re so over this “antiquated tradition” why the fuck are you participating in it in the first place? It’s like having a graffiti slipcover over your Bible or doing your homework with a pencil that says “Fuck This.”
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Hey, don’t give us that look. We’re not the ones that made you dress like a teenage Wavves fan who got struck by lightning.
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Reader Comments
August 28th, 2006
best shirt ever
(first post boyeeeeeeee)
August 28th, 2006
sad cunt
August 28th, 2006
One of the best things i’ve seen today.
August 28th, 2006
It’s what’s known as “funny”.
August 28th, 2006
It’s fuuuuuuuuunnnny when college grads overanalyse everything.
August 28th, 2006
over analyse? you don’t think that the image means anything? look at the shirt and think. and if you find it funny, why is it funny. shit.
August 28th, 2006
why is everyone getting so bent out of shape about this goofy t-shirt? lighten the fuck up.
August 28th, 2006
its easy, bitches love money (ie chedda) and men love bitches.
August 28th, 2006
feels robert crumby, and his work never offended me, so i have no idea why this should. and really, this is relatively tame by today’s standards.
August 29th, 2006
…men love bitches who are too incapacitated to resist…? fuck.
Not offended by image, but that’s cuz dudes sucking out = not a new thing.
August 29th, 2006
Funny, thought we al knew illustrator Franken Hertz.
August 29th, 2006
Depressing, that’s how you classify it. It grosses you out, and then it makes you kind of sad.
August 29th, 2006
how is this “vintage” in any way, shape or form?
August 29th, 2006
agreed. its shit. shit as in ‘human faeces’, not as in ‘the shit’ or ‘good shit’.
its like the smell of human faeces on your fingers.
do you people find that smell funny?
in that case, you’re not funny and you’re human faeces too.
having said that, the human race wouldnt exist if it wasnt for rape and murder, so i can see why people who find this t-shirt print funny have served a biological purpose.
August 29th, 2006
it’s neither rape, nor murder. It’s necrophelia you dumb ass and I’m sure they have their own support groups and other stupid shit that helps keep them in the gene pool.
August 29th, 2006
it’s neither rape, nor murder. It’s necrophelia you dumb ass and I’m sure they have their own support groups and other stupid shit that helps keep them in the gene pool.
August 29th, 2006
it’s neither rape, nor murder. It’s necrophelia you dumb ass and I’m sure they have their own support groups and other stupid shit that helps keep them in the gene pool.
August 29th, 2006
it’s neither rape, nor murder. It’s necrophelia you dumb ass and I’m sure they have their own support groups and other stupid shit that helps keep them in the gene pool.
August 29th, 2006
it’s neither rape, nor murder. It’s necrophelia you dumb ass and I’m sure they have their own support groups and other stupid shit that helps keep them in the gene pool.
August 29th, 2006
it’s neither rape, nor murder. It’s necrophelia you dumb ass and I’m sure they have their own support groups and other stupid shit that helps keep them in the gene pool.
August 29th, 2006
it’s neither rape, nor murder. It’s necrophelia you dumb ass and I’m sure they have their own support groups and other stupid shit that helps keep them in the gene pool.
August 29th, 2006
it’s neither rape, nor murder. It’s necrophelia you dumb ass and I’m sure they have their own support groups and other stupid shit that helps keep them in the gene pool.
August 29th, 2006
it’s neither rape, nor murder. It’s necrophelia you dumb ass and I’m sure they have their own support groups and other stupid shit that helps keep them in the gene pool.
August 29th, 2006
It’s not offensive, it’s just gay. Less funny-ha-ha than funny-queer.
August 29th, 2006
It’s not offensive, it’s just gay. Less funny-ha-ha than funny-queer.
August 29th, 2006
It’s not offensive, it’s just gay. Less funny-ha-ha than funny-queer.
August 29th, 2006
It’s not offensive, it’s just gay. Less funny-ha-ha than funny-queer.
August 29th, 2006
It’s not offensive, it’s just gay. Less funny-ha-ha than funny-queer.
August 29th, 2006
It’s not offensive, it’s just gay. Less funny-ha-ha than funny-queer.
August 29th, 2006
It’s not offensive, it’s just gay. Less funny-ha-ha than funny-queer.
August 29th, 2006
It’s not offensive, it’s just gay. Less funny-ha-ha than funny-queer.
August 29th, 2006
It’s not offensive, it’s just gay. Less funny-ha-ha than funny-queer.
August 29th, 2006
Not funny. I don’t think the author was trying to say it was the most offensive shirt he’d ever seem - just the worst. I think I agree. Mouse rape does not rule.
August 29th, 2006
Vancouver. That’s how you classify this shirt: Vancouver.
August 29th, 2006
awsome
August 29th, 2006
i seen one where the female rat is dead and the male rat is going menatl…
its actually a photo - this shit happens…
August 29th, 2006
did noone read the bit about it being $60? i find that more offensive than the stupid tshirt.
August 29th, 2006
If you wear this shirt you are a queer, simple
August 29th, 2006
there’s an even more sleezy version of that shirt (if you can believe that) where there’s a line of about 20 rats waiting for their turn behind the one fucking
August 29th, 2006
Here’s one I saw at a Montreal Value Village yesterday: “Dry skin? Free hand lotion! Pump (giant arrow pointing down).”
August 30th, 2006
HAHAHAHAHAHA funny shirt
August 30th, 2006
don’t act like you haven’t done it.
August 30th, 2006
not funny. it’s disgusting. If you think it’s funny I think you would be pathetic enough to consider necrophelia and you should therefore just kill yourself right now. Though it wouldn’t really matter much since you’ll never get laid anyway. what a bunch of fucking losers.
August 30th, 2006
abrasion, black eye, black mark, black-and-blue mark, blemish, boo-boo*, contusion, discoloration, injury, mouse*, swelling, wale, wound, modest violet, mouse, retiring person, shy person, shy thing, absurd, batty, boffo, camp, comic, comical, crazy shtick, dippy, diverting, dizzy, droll, entertaining, facetious, farcical, flaky, fool, fool around, fool-headed, freaky, funny, gelastic, goofus, goofy, gump, humorous,Mickey Mouse, assailable, baseless, contemptible,derisory, little, measly*, niggling*, paltry, peanut*, pettifogging*, petty, picayune, puny, trifling, trivial, unimportant, useless, worthless
babe, baby doll,busybody*, examine, inspect, meddle, mouse*, pry, scent, search, smell, sniff, snoop* bird, blonde, bobby-soxer, boytoy, broad, butterfly, canary, chick, coed, cupcake, cutie, dame, damsel, daughter, deb, debutante, doll, female, filly, gal, jail bait, lady, lassie, mademoiselle, maid, maiden, minx, miss, missy, mouse, nymph, nymphet, piece, queen, base, beggarly, cheap, common, contemptible, derisory, despicable, inconsiderable, ineffectual, insignificant, limited, low, low-down*, meager, mean, measly, minor, miserable, narrow, pettifogging, petty, picayune, piddling, pitiful, poor, puny, set, shabby, shoddy, sleazy*, slight, small, sorry*, trashy, trifling, trivial, unconsequential, unimportant, vile, wretched schoolgirl, she, sis, skirt, spring chicken, teenybopper, tomato, tomboy, virgin, wench, witch, womancontrovertible, fallacious, false, feeble, frivolous, groundless, illogical, implausible, improbable, inadequate, inane, inconceivable, incredible, inept, lame, poor, puerile, superficial, thin, transparent, trifling, trivial, unbelievable, alternative, band-aid, expedient, make-do*, provisional, rinkydink, rough-and-ready, slapdash*, stopgap, substitute, temp, throwaway*ungrounded, unpersuasive, unreasonable, unsatisfactory, unsubstantial, weak, weakly, big zero, casual, cheap, contemptible, dinky, frivolous, inconsequent, inconsiderable, inessential, inferior, insignificant, irrelevant, junior, lesser, light, little, lower, measly, minor, narrow-minded, negligible, niggling*, no biggie, paltry, peanut*, penny ante, pettifogging*, picayune, piddling*, scratch, secondary, shabby, shallow, shoestring*, slight, small, small-minded, subordinate, trifling, two bit, unimportantwishful ironic, jerky, jocular, joking, joshing, laughable, light, loony, ludicrous, nutty, priceless, ridiculous, risible, screwy, side-splitting, silly, wacky, waggish, whimsical, wittyalarmist, baby*, big baby, caitiff, chicken*, chicken liver*, chicken-heart, craven, cur, dastard, deserter, faint-of-heart, fraidy cat, funk, gutless*, gutless wonder,creep, flit, glide, go stealthily, gumshoe, insinuate, lurk, mouse, pass quietly, pussyfoot, shirk, skulk, slide, slink, slip, snake, tiptoe, invertebrate*, jellyfish*, lily-liver, malingerer, milksop, milquetoast, mollycoddle, mouse*, nerd, pessimist, poltroon, punk, quitter, rabbit*, recreant, scaredy-cat, shirk, shirker, sissy, skulker, sneak, turkey, weak sister, weakling, white liver*, yellow*, yellow-belly chump change, nickels and dimes, paltry sum, peanuts*, pittance, pocket money, small amount, small change, small potatoes*, spending money,
chicken feed, Mickey Mouse, nickels and dimes, paltry sum, peanuts, pittance, pocket money, small amount, small change, small potatoes, spending money,
August 30th, 2006
wow, i thought i had too much time on my hands that day when i posted that picture. the rest of you got me beat, especially doctor j. meinschaft!
August 30th, 2006
I need a human size mouse trap in my bed.
August 30th, 2006
Buddy, what’s wrong with Vancouver?
Fuck you!
September 1st, 2006
whats with all the ‘queer’ comments?
Most of the gays I know have style.
September 6th, 2006
They were selling shirts in ottawa for 2 bucks that said
“AIDS FREE BODY” in giant block letters.
November 15th, 2006
I love the look on his face. If I had a nickel…
July 14th, 2009
LkWcch