A lot of people get on our case about the Dos and Don’ts, saying things like "you guys are so fucking picky" or "you guys hold the ladies up to far higher standards than you yourselves could ever maintain" or "that chik’s fat," but honestly we’re not so hard to please. We just happen to like it when the ladies show a little smarts and attention to detail and don’t just slather on the bronzing cream, squeeze into a pink, rhinestoned tube top, and call it being hot. If you want to see some real dogmatism in action, take a look at David Hasselhoff’s ersatz gal-rider from his 80s heyday. Not only is it fine with us if you don’t feel cool setting goals for your friends or think eating at McDonald’s somehow constitutes "spontaneity," you can even compare us with other actors if you really want to. To David’s defense though, you probably have to exercise a lot of discretion in all aspects of your life if you’re intend on being one of the preeminent human punchlines of our time.

A lot of people get on our case about the Dos and Don’ts, saying things like "you guys are so fucking picky" or "you guys hold the ladies up to far higher standards than you yourselves could ever maintain" or "that chik’s fat," but honestly we’re not so hard to please. We just happen to like it when the ladies show a little smarts and attention to detail and don’t just slather on the bronzing cream, squeeze into a pink, rhinestoned tube top, and call it being hot. If you want to see some real dogmatism in action, take a look at David Hasselhoff’s ersatz gal-rider from his 80s heyday. Not only is it fine with us if you don’t feel cool setting goals for your friends or think eating at McDonald’s somehow constitutes "spontaneity," you can even compare us with other actors if you really want to. To David’s defense though, you probably have to exercise a lot of discretion in all aspects of your life if you’re intend on being one of the preeminent human punchlines of our time.

A lot of people get on our case about the Dos and Don’ts, saying things like "you guys are so fucking picky" or "you guys hold the ladies up to far higher standards than you yourselves could ever maintain" or "that chik’s fat," but honestly we’re not so hard to please. We just happen to like it when the ladies show a little smarts and attention to detail and don’t just slather on the bronzing cream, squeeze into a pink, rhinestoned tube top, and call it being hot. If you want to see some real dogmatism in action, take a look at David Hasselhoff’s ersatz gal-rider from his 80s heyday. Not only is it fine with us if you don’t feel cool setting goals for your friends or think eating at McDonald’s somehow constitutes "spontaneity," you can even compare us with other actors if you really want to. To David’s defense though, you probably have to exercise a lot of discretion in all aspects of your life if you’re intend on being one of the preeminent human punchlines of our time.

A lot of people get on our case about the Dos and Don’ts, saying things like "you guys are so fucking picky" or "you guys hold the ladies up to far higher standards than you yourselves could ever maintain" or "that chik’s fat," but honestly we’re not so hard to please. We just happen to like it when the ladies show a little smarts and attention to detail and don’t just slather on the bronzing cream, squeeze into a pink, rhinestoned tube top, and call it being hot. If you want to see some real dogmatism in action, take a look at David Hasselhoff’s ersatz gal-rider from his 80s heyday. Not only is it fine with us if you don’t feel cool setting goals for your friends or think eating at McDonald’s somehow constitutes "spontaneity," you can even compare us with other actors if you really want to. To David’s defense though, you probably have to exercise a lot of discretion in all aspects of your life if you’re intend on being one of the preeminent human punchlines of our time.

A lot of people get on our case about the Dos and Don’ts, saying things like "you guys are so fucking picky" or "you guys hold the ladies up to far higher standards than you yourselves could ever maintain" or "that chik’s fat," but honestly we’re not so hard to please. We just happen to like it when the ladies show a little smarts and attention to detail and don’t just slather on the bronzing cream, squeeze into a pink, rhinestoned tube top, and call it being hot. If you want to see some real dogmatism in action, take a look at David Hasselhoff’s ersatz gal-rider from his 80s heyday. Not only is it fine with us if you don’t feel cool setting goals for your friends or think eating at McDonald’s somehow constitutes "spontaneity," you can even compare us with other actors if you really want to. To David’s defense though, you probably have to exercise a lot of discretion in all aspects of your life if you’re intend on being one of the preeminent human punchlines of our time.

A lot of people get on our case about the Dos and Don’ts, saying things like "you guys are so fucking picky" or "you guys hold the ladies up to far higher standards than you yourselves could ever maintain" or "that chik’s fat," but honestly we’re not so hard to please. We just happen to like it when the ladies show a little smarts and attention to detail and don’t just slather on the bronzing cream, squeeze into a pink, rhinestoned tube top, and call it being hot. If you want to see some real dogmatism in action, take a look at David Hasselhoff’s ersatz gal-rider from his 80s heyday. Not only is it fine with us if you don’t feel cool setting goals for your friends or think eating at McDonald’s somehow constitutes "spontaneity," you can even compare us with other actors if you really want to. To David’s defense though, you probably have to exercise a lot of discretion in all aspects of your life if you’re intend on being one of the preeminent human punchlines of our time.

A lot of people get on our case about the Dos and Don’ts, saying things like "you guys are so fucking picky" or "you guys hold the ladies up to far higher standards than you yourselves could ever maintain" or "that chik’s fat," but honestly we’re not so hard to please. We just happen to like it when the ladies show a little smarts and attention to detail and don’t just slather on the bronzing cream, squeeze into a pink, rhinestoned tube top, and call it being hot. If you want to see some real dogmatism in action, take a look at David Hasselhoff’s ersatz gal-rider from his 80s heyday. Not only is it fine with us if you don’t feel cool setting goals for your friends or think eating at McDonald’s somehow constitutes "spontaneity," you can even compare us with other actors if you really want to. To David’s defense though, you probably have to exercise a lot of discretion in all aspects of your life if you’re intend on being one of the preeminent human punchlines of our time.

You may have noticed a new little bar a little to the left from where we’re saying this right now, just above the Dos and Dont’s. For those of you who’ve been slowly stroking your chins trying to figure out its deal, we’ll lay it straight for you: From now on we’re just going to stick the previous issue’s commentary here in one big pile of talking that sums up the previous issue. Here’s two things you can do with it besides stuff it up your ass: a) you can listen to it as you flip through the issue and treat it as a DVD-commentary-type thing that gives a behind-the-scenes look at each article in there and/or b) you can use it as a substitute for the issue and listen to it on your iPod on the way to work. We won’t be reading every article so it’s not a book on tape but we will be reading the highlights and making sure you don’t miss anything important. Think of it as an executive summary for the lazy. (PS: This gorgon is the first thing that came up when we google-imaged “vice” and “podcast.”)