A lot of stuff is way better in imaginary land. First off, there are characters who are better than the actual guy. Like King of Queens’ Doug Heffernan. The actor that plays him is a condescending golf nerd with a stupid Kangol hat tugged tightly over his head. Watch Making the Cut and try not to hate him. Leah Remini, the girl who plays Carrie Heffernan is also a bummer. We had a friend work with her on a shoot recently and she was insisting on way out of everyone’s league shit like Balenciaga. They tried to explain that super high-end clothes like that are impossible to get but she never looked up from her nails. Carrie and Doug: great people. Leah and Kevin? Dicks.
Rap is a bummer too…
Rap is a bummer too. Paris’ first albums are down right scary. Dead cops everywhere and “kill whitey” stuff around every corner is great but then you talk to the guy and he’s all “m-eh.” He even said “the white devil” he was talking about could be anyone. La-a-a-ame. That’s what Motley Crue said when they got in shit for Shout at the Devil . “The Devil is anything that holds you back man. It could be your parents telling you to turn the music down.” Pussies.
Another huge disappointment was Dead Prez. When the video for “Hip Hop” came out it looked like the beginning of a revolution. Then you talk to the guys and they sound like 14 year-old kids. It was like you want to meet Che Guevara and Corky came to greet you at the door.
It’s probably best you never meet famous people or watch any documentaries about them. We need to stop interviewing bands. It’s giving the game away.
Oh wait, I just remembered some more…
David Allen Coe is another character that’s way better in imaginary land. Ever see an interview with him? What a knob. Talking about how him and Kid Rock have this thing they’ve been doing — then he gives the finger. What? Dude, Kid Rock is scared of you. When he saw you had cut out a million pictures of him and stuck them all over your trailer he shat his fucking pants. And get those fucking beads out of your beard. You look like a homeless parrot.
Lance Armstrong seems like a rock but we know some strippers that had him and he’s a horny nightmare. It got so bad when he was last in New Orleans the strippers would groan when he walked into the club. Blind people are also a bummer but that’s another story.
Reader Comments
April 26th, 2006
7:20 pm
David Alen Coe really is a dissapointment. From what I understand he came from a well to do family in Dallas and then one day after a game of doubles at the country club decided he would reinvent himself as this scum-bag, albeit a very talented one. Oh well.
April 26th, 2006
7:42 pm
Well of course everyones a bummer when you meet them! It’s like reading a book and being dissapointed by the movie. When you listen to their music you can create a persona around these people, but when you actually see them act in real life you get the huge letdown that these people are just like you and me, except with way better paying jobs.
April 26th, 2006
7:59 pm
fuckin’ blind people!
April 26th, 2006
8:44 pm
blind people? what about DEAF people?
April 26th, 2006
11:23 pm
The classic example is being a private investigator. It Stinks.
Same with any type of nude club or beach.
April 27th, 2006
12:12 am
Fuck the Beastie Boys too….I saw them 3 years ago in Taiwan….there’s never good concerts in Taiwan and the crowd was going apeshit…but these fucks were so lame…they kept stopping in the middle of songs, and scolding kids, “Stop crowd surfing,” and “C’mon guys, moshing is soooo 90’s”…yup, no joke, that’s a quote…..MCA is fucking OLD too, seeing him up close was weird, he made my 76 yr old grandpa look like Jude Law…and Mike D looked like he had AIDS, barf…
April 27th, 2006
12:25 am
what
April 27th, 2006
12:33 am
wtf those sit-com characters are “nice” — am I missing the irony — they’re douche bags both in and out of reality!
April 27th, 2006
9:24 am
meeting steve coogan in a club should have been the best night of my life but was actually more like being pawed by a depressed, redundant alcoholic uncle whose wife and children have left him. He followed us to a party where he repeatedly asked my opinion of him before falling asleep with his head lolling back over the top of the couch and his mouth open, dad-on-christmas-day-style. aha? thanks for shattering a ten-year infatuation, coogan.
April 27th, 2006
11:03 am
Josh Homme: As FIERCE in reality as is in make believe.
April 27th, 2006
11:15 am
i think meeting most people is depressive as you expect them to be amazing. having said that, i will give my front teeth to hang out with Johnny Depp.
April 27th, 2006
11:24 am
Gary Sweet, from australias police rescue was a mad coke fiend with a psychotic temper, a friends sister was an assitant on set.
April 27th, 2006
8:06 pm
That Leah Remini is a scientologist, so…
April 27th, 2006
9:52 pm
man, coe is from ohio and from the age of like 12 to 35 never spent more than a year out of reform school or the pen. and yeah, he’s kinda cheesy, but he’s damn near 70 and you can only go around in a glitter vest and bellbottoms for so long. if ya wanna be pissed, call bullshit on him pulling the same cop shit that prez did. he wrote songs about his wife leaving him for a nigger, and bitchin about how niggers stink, then whines about everyone callin him racist. now that’s some bullshit.
April 27th, 2006
9:52 pm
man, coe is from ohio and from the age of like 12 to 35 never spent more than a year out of reform school or the pen. and yeah, he’s kinda cheesy, but he’s damn near 70 and you can only go around in a glitter vest and bellbottoms for so long. if ya wanna be pissed, call bullshit on him pulling the same cop shit that prez did. he wrote songs about his wife leaving him for a nigger, and bitchin about how niggers stink, then whines about everyone callin him racist. now that’s some bullshit.
April 27th, 2006
9:52 pm
man, coe is from ohio and from the age of like 12 to 35 never spent more than a year out of reform school or the pen. and yeah, he’s kinda cheesy, but he’s damn near 70 and you can only go around in a glitter vest and bellbottoms for so long. if ya wanna be pissed, call bullshit on him pulling the same cop shit that prez did. he wrote songs about his wife leaving him for a nigger, and bitchin about how niggers stink, then whines about everyone callin him racist. now that’s some bullshit.
April 27th, 2006
9:52 pm
man, coe is from ohio and from the age of like 12 to 35 never spent more than a year out of reform school or the pen. and yeah, he’s kinda cheesy, but he’s damn near 70 and you can only go around in a glitter vest and bellbottoms for so long. if ya wanna be pissed, call bullshit on him pulling the same cop shit that prez did. he wrote songs about his wife leaving him for a nigger, and bitchin about how niggers stink, then whines about everyone callin him racist. now that’s some bullshit.
April 27th, 2006
9:52 pm
man, coe is from ohio and from the age of like 12 to 35 never spent more than a year out of reform school or the pen. and yeah, he’s kinda cheesy, but he’s damn near 70 and you can only go around in a glitter vest and bellbottoms for so long. if ya wanna be pissed, call bullshit on him pulling the same cop shit that prez did. he wrote songs about his wife leaving him for a nigger, and bitchin about how niggers stink, then whines about everyone callin him racist. now that’s some bullshit.
April 27th, 2006
9:52 pm
man, coe is from ohio and from the age of like 12 to 35 never spent more than a year out of reform school or the pen. and yeah, he’s kinda cheesy, but he’s damn near 70 and you can only go around in a glitter vest and bellbottoms for so long. if ya wanna be pissed, call bullshit on him pulling the same cop shit that prez did. he wrote songs about his wife leaving him for a nigger, and bitchin about how niggers stink, then whines about everyone callin him racist. now that’s some bullshit.
April 27th, 2006
9:52 pm
man, coe is from ohio and from the age of like 12 to 35 never spent more than a year out of reform school or the pen. and yeah, he’s kinda cheesy, but he’s damn near 70 and you can only go around in a glitter vest and bellbottoms for so long. if ya wanna be pissed, call bullshit on him pulling the same cop shit that prez did. he wrote songs about his wife leaving him for a nigger, and bitchin about how niggers stink, then whines about everyone callin him racist. now that’s some bullshit.
April 27th, 2006
9:52 pm
man, coe is from ohio and from the age of like 12 to 35 never spent more than a year out of reform school or the pen. and yeah, he’s kinda cheesy, but he’s damn near 70 and you can only go around in a glitter vest and bellbottoms for so long. if ya wanna be pissed, call bullshit on him pulling the same cop shit that prez did. he wrote songs about his wife leaving him for a nigger, and bitchin about how niggers stink, then whines about everyone callin him racist. now that’s some bullshit.
April 27th, 2006
9:52 pm
man, coe is from ohio and from the age of like 12 to 35 never spent more than a year out of reform school or the pen. and yeah, he’s kinda cheesy, but he’s damn near 70 and you can only go around in a glitter vest and bellbottoms for so long. if ya wanna be pissed, call bullshit on him pulling the same cop shit that prez did. he wrote songs about his wife leaving him for a nigger, and bitchin about how niggers stink, then whines about everyone callin him racist. now that’s some bullshit.
April 28th, 2006
1:19 am
Yeah and I bet you’re all AMAZING human beings in real life. I’m psyched on your words but would I be let down if I met you? Probably.
In saying that, most pro skaters I’ve ever dealt with have been morons…the american ones anyway.
April 28th, 2006
4:37 am
I once smacked Rupert Grints’arse at a classic car show and wasn’t disappointed in the slightest
April 28th, 2006
5:01 am
At least with hipsters, you know they’re going to be as annoying in real life as they are on screen/in print. I mean Jesus Christ, on looking at any Vice party shots, can you imagine a worse vision of hell?
April 28th, 2006
1:11 pm
i done met one of my heroes last year a fella by the name of Suroosh Alvi. turns out he’s actually a name brand soap singer songwriter by the name of Petra O’Fadden. sacre bleu I sez, deez nuts never recognize the true blue soldiers in life’s crazy game
April 28th, 2006
2:01 pm
vice is bummer in reality too,
here you have magazine that that claims to print anti-pop culture and have a hatred for the like of celebrity gambling and a month later what do you see,the very same writers on your precious magazine publishing photos of themselves playing poker and behaving like spoilt hipsters,i look forward to seeing y’all at a yeah yeah yeahs concert while trying to finger out Kelly Osbourne.
April 28th, 2006
6:35 pm
rad in real life:
norm macdonald
letterman
dave grohl
brad pitt
kevin garnett
errol morris
courtney cox
david arquette
jennifer aniston
david lynch
maya rudolph
it’d be more fun (and a hella much longer list) to rip the a-holes, but it’s sunny out and i have a liverwurst sandwich.
okay, one:
ed norton-douche
April 28th, 2006
7:23 pm
I think this Queens guy wears the Kangol to hide his
transplant work. Kinda like Mikey with the surgical mask
whenever his new nose keep falling off. And yes, I’m
magniicent in person.
May 1st, 2006
2:49 pm
it is totally geekish (lewl) to argue with people with backwards kangool hats. That’s like saying nu-metal sucks. very original (not).To make you more dissapointed: David allan coe is NOT from dallas, he is from Akron, OH.
May 1st, 2006
4:55 pm
Kim Catrell, I don’t think i need to go on
May 2nd, 2006
8:32 pm
i’m from dallas, and it’s a lot worse in reality.
May 4th, 2006
4:13 am
I drove Ace Frehely round for a week in Australia, yee haa what a blast, fuken idiot thinks he’s kieth richards, funny to see a grown man scoff viagra and hot dogs whilst sipping vodka in his drink “Shooosh” the dumb cunt would mumble don’t let Gene know I’m drunk, blind freddy would know he was drunk, He was pissed the whole time I saw him, as person you could only feel sorry for him, Loser sells his Autograph to the kids
December 23rd, 2008
4:31 pm
Hi, you have a nice site. Really good job! Respect :)