For this first installment of Viceland Rap, we’ve enlisted our hip hop correspondent and Dirty South specialist Young Nizzle.

Ayo first of all, that track “Tell Me Bout The South” is terrible.
Just when we go and jock Lil’ Wayne (left), his guest verse (on a
washed-up Timbaland track, no less) is fucking awful. Like, it sounds
out of synch and everything. Somebody please explain.
And somebody (else) should’ve stated this by now: “Stay Fly”
inaugurated the return of the posse cut. DJ Khaled followed with the
ridiculous “Holler At Me Baby” featuring (a slightly better sounding)
Lil’ Wayne, Paul Wall, Fat Joe, Pitbull, plus your boy and mine, Rick
Ross. Oh, and speaking of Rick Ross, “Hustling” = song of the year. I
read somebody dissing that record the other day. What are you, nuts? …

“Nike Airs Crips Tees” ain’t bad either. But don’t go researching that
old shit he did with Kanye. Dude’s only been rapping well for six
momths. Anyways, back to posse tracks. Have you heard the corner bodega
extravaganza “Mas Maiz” with Big Mato, Nore, Fat Joe, Pitbull and Nina
Sky? Fat Joe sounds better in Spanish than in English. Now my new shit
is T-Pain’s “I’m In Love With A Stripper Remix”, a work-that-pole
trill-fest with Akon, Twista, Pimp C, Paul Wall, MJG and Too $hort. I
don’t know why T-Pain doesn’t get more daps. That dude is fresh. He
looks like a Jamaican from the mothership. The two-tone dreadlocks are
a bold move, I find. MJG (another brother from outer space) kills the
track, incidentally. As soon as he kicks, “I’m in love with a stripper/
I need to get some stripper counseling,” it’s a wrap.

Speaking of Ball & G, you got their new joints, right? “Fuck That” and “Outfit” are cool. “Get Low” is pretty hard. Those dudes are always better on their guest appearances though. Like, Eightball absolutely killed it on Yo Gotti’s “Gangsta Party”. It’s very important to front like you like MJG better than Fat Boy, by the way. It’s kind of a Bun B/Pimp C thing. We always used to think Bun was the shit but the OGs would be like, “Nah kid Pimp C’s realer.”

Speaking of UGK, we at Vice were the first to be critical of Bun’s album, right in the middle of that big Houston bandwagon. Now let me ask you this. Are you bumping Bun B’s record to this day? Thank you. Homeboy was flowing like Grandmaster Caz on that shit. Some say it was to make up for Pimp C’s absence. All I know is that ever since Pimp C came home, Bun’s been sounding like Bun B again. He’s got that “Pocket Full Of Stones” voice and everything. For proof, check Lil’ Keke’s “Chunk Up The Deuce (feat. Paul Wall & UGK)” and everybody’s favorite, E-40’s  “White Gurl (feat. Juelz & UGK)”. T.I.’s “Front, Back, Side To Side” remake ain’t bad either.

Speaking of T.I., you know what? I don’t buy it. Never really liked the guy. Maybe it’s just because I’m a light-skin hater. But there’s something about the dude’s voice that’s never quite there. I mean, homeboy’s always got to double up his vocals six times to get the shit sounding right. That being said, whoever’s A&Ring his new record is doing his job, cuz all his new beats are bananas. Obviously you’ve heard “What You Know,” but “Ride With Me” is crazy and “The King’s Back” is fire as well. Only Just Blaze misses the mark on “I’m Talking To You.” And then there’s “Why You Wanna”, the girlie record that jacks Crystal Waters. Now I’m a cheesy dude (read T-Pain comments above), so anything that samples 90s dance gets points with me. But there’s some suspect brokeback appeal about this track, yo. Anyways, bottom line is, my dude (no brokeback) is really T.I. affiliate Young Dro. I still bump “Shoulder Lean” like it just came out. That shit is as timeless as Chamillionaire’s “Riding Dirty.”   

Finally, well, I’ve got to show the East Coast some love. I haven’t heard the entire new Mobb Deep record but it seems Prodigy got some sort of swagger back. Dunny’s going heavy on “Pearly Gates” (even though it sounds like a 50 record). “Now homie if I go to hell and you make it to the pearly gates/ Tell the bossman we got beef/ And tell his only son I’m a see him when I see him/ And when I see him, I’m a beat him like the movie.” Can you get any more gutter than that? A serious contender for rhyme of the year, I say, right up there with Project Pat-uh’s verse on “Poppin My Collar Remix.”
Aiight that’s it. Catch y’all next time for some more haterade.

YOUNG NIZZLE