This week I was tortured like an Iraqi P.O.W., nearly killed by a car, run from my home by flood waters, received an award, made a music video and got a visit from Jerry Hsu. Needless to say it’s been a weird week around the Nieratko house. Read more »
Imagine one day waking up and looking down and realising your dick has shrunk. Just a little sure, but you can feel it recoiling, turning itself against you, ultimately with the intention of killing you. This is penis panic. Read more »
The new issue of Aussie ladies’ favourite, Cleo Magazine, featuring interviews with Australia’s 50 most eligible bachelors, came out yesterday. Five pages in, somewhere between the Captain Kahuna and Joe Bikini-Raid, was the pick of the muscular bunch, wearing a shirt and reading his own work on a sofa, our very own Royce Akers.
Our gargantuan March Fashion Issue has finally been printed and bundled and loaded into vans and trucks and dropped 1930s-newspaper-style in the “free publication” sections of bars and restaurants and record stores across this great land of ours (Great Britain). Here’s a little sneak-peak of everything that’s inside it. Read more »
There’s nothing more charming than a fat guy on a small moped and if they’ve got an “Eat Me” t-shirt and the open road in front of them, give them some love, give them a honk. Click through to watch Vice Versus the Latebirds Moped Gang.
Today millions of plastic Paddys will be getting drunk on heavy black beer in honour of a Welsh sheep farmer who turned the Irish onto Christianity in the fifth century. But before all you Mexicans and Maoris fart in the face of genetics, geography, religion, and good taste, by sticking the wig and face paint on, I’d just like to point out exactly what Patrick did for Ireland. Read more »
Did you know that no two farts are exactly alike? It’s true. Farts are sort of like snowflakes in that regard. Little, invisible, smelly, snowflakes.
While everybody past the age of 10 is well-versed in the manifold variety of farts and their associated sounds and smells and sensations and sobriquets, precious few of us know anything at all about the sources of their great diversity. Can you, for instance, explain the lingering piquancy of the “hot fart” in any greater scientific detail than “that one was spicy”? Read more »
You can’t just let any conglomerate of future-thinkers wade into your sex-life, but when they’re as personable and helpful as Tingotang, it just seems right. You laugh now, but before the gay scene came up with the whole blue-hankie-dangling-from-my-top-left-pocket-means-I-want-someone-who’ll-shovel-dogs-into-my-arse-and-call-me-Eleanor-Roosevelt thing, it was chaos out there.
After a month in Kosovo, the Unofficial Embassy has shut up shop and moved home. The money ran dry and the gig was up. The ambassadors said ciao to the newest country in the world with moist eyes and trembling lips. We had enough laughs for a lifetime but we also learned some valuable lessons about diplomacy that we’d like to share with the rest of you not fortunate enough to have had your own embassy. Read more »
Good news for any guy who’s ever got his weenis caught in his zipper. After fiddling around with the trapped penises of three consecutive boys aged five-seven, Dr Satish Chandra Mishra was able to perfect a simple, safe, quick, and painless method of extricating your twisted member from your pant-front without having to infiltrate your prepuce with two percent lignocain. Huzzah! The new technique is documented in the medical journal Indian Paediatrics and describes how to perform the procedure. Depending on your dexterity under immense pain and the availability of wire cutters and pliers wherever the horrible incident occurs, it seems probable that you can do it yourself and save the trauma of hobbling over to a doctor and describing the sensation as “feeling like you’re getting circumcised by the teeth of a rat made of lightning”. We’ve condensed all the medical yammerings into two easy to understand steps here: Read more »
This Thursday it’s the launch of The Fashion Issue 2010 at The Old Blue Last. The terribly fashionable and brilliant Cold Cave are headlining, with Talons and Eve Black/Eve White supporting. And it’s free! Click through for the deets. Read more »
For the first part of the new season of Skate Europe VBS.TV traveled to Italy. As soon as we arrived in Rome we headed to a new skate park located across the street from Cinecitta Studios, where just about every Roman skater was hanging out. After all, who can resist a fresh concrete park? Click through to watch some skateboarders skateboarding.
For a white guy with dreads, Jaron Lanier is mighty productive. In the 1980s he coined the term “virtual reality” and amongst other things, established the idea of online personas through the use of avatars. The Encyclopaedia Britannica lists him as one of history’s greatest 300 inventors, and the film Lawnmower Man was partly based on him and his workshop (he was the one played by Pierce Brosnan). Meanwhile, Jaron has simultaneously carved a successful career as a jazz musician playing with, amongst other people, Ornette Coleman and George Clinton, and has amassed one of the world’s largest collections of rare Asian wind and string instruments. More recently Jaron set-up a little website called Second Life and now lectures at some of the world’s most prestigious universities. Read more »
There’s a certain combo of facial features and surrounding accessories that screams, “I would be an amazing host for a call-in radio show about relationship advice” so loud even deaf people can hear it.
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It’s fun going to Girl Talk shows because, as hundreds of people dance their asses off and scream the lyrics to every song you realize nobody at any major label will ever make one penny from this.
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