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Photo by Tim Barber



My son Tim is autistic and he's five years old and can't communicate great. He only knows a little bit of talking. He echoes us a little bit. My husband and I learned sign language to talk to him. The other day he was on the couch and I said to him, "Mr. Kogen! Mr. Kogen! Get down, please!" and he tried and said his last name too.

When I found out I had bipolar, I was upset. I knew I had something beforehand, but I didn't know what.

It makes raising a child really hard, so I need to remember how to be a perfect and good mom. That's why I made this list.

Ten ways how I'm a good mom to Tim:
1. I try my best so Tim has good mealtimes every day.
2. I dress Tim in clean correct clothes to go to school or hang out inside the house.
3. I try to keep an eye on his health so he's fine and not sick. We make sure he has a dry diaper before school and his shoes are clean, too. I don't want him to look like a slob.
4. I always try to play with him with his toys a lot. I like to read to him at story time. We always read two or three good books before he goes to bed. His favorite is Winnie the Pooh.
5. I always try to keep my cool when he drives me crazy. Sometimes it's hard to do that.
6. I try to get him gifts like new stuff, tapes, or books. He rips and tears and chews on the books because he likes to put stuff in his mouth. He does it for attention or because he can't get the words out. The only two words he can get out really good are "mommy" and "daddy."
7. I show him how to brush his teeth before he goes to school or goes to bed. He only opens his mouth a crack. I have to say, "Open, sweetheart, open, sweetheart."
8. I keep his skin nice and soft. I put cream on it for the winter.
9. I try to teach him to eat with a spoon and a fork.
10. I try to keep him busy swimming or with his family on the weekends.

AMY KOGEN



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Comments:

Subject: Little Richard
Date: May 29 2006 03:24:48 PM
Author: pauldanza

little richard, you spelled "paid" incorrectly. don't talk shit



Subject: yayo (as in cocaine)
Date: Sep 19 2005 04:34:21 PM
Author: the guy who made that funny witty post

Holy shit EPIPHANY! Vice has no agenda, politically and barely any socially. Thats why that boris davis chick was pissed (she needs a man BTW) she's just so used to government tainted media she's forgotten that some people do shit just for fucks sake.



Subject: Able and baker
Date: Sep 19 2005 04:22:07 PM
Author: Little Richard

(quote)
Subject: you people are disgusting
Date: May 02 2005 09:53:49 PM
Author: Boris-doris

you people are the most vile disgusting living creatures, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

I wish an severly mentally retarded child on all of you, a wife that is mentally ill, and developemthally delayed as wello.

Does not anyone have a heart.
(quote)

Dear god no, no, We dont talk about the "existentially impaired" cuz thats is cruel and wrong and un-christian. Not everybody gets a nice face and a big dick and "people skillz".

"I wish an severly mentally retarded child on all of you, a wife that is mentally ill, and developemthally delayed as wello."

developMENTALLY delayed, Thats cute i bet the government payed some ad agency to come up with a handful of nice terms to describe the mentally retarded. And you cant spell, are you mentally retarde... Oh my god, im.. im soo sorry really i didnt know that, Im soo sorry again. i uh i just presumed. I really mean it im sorry i harbor no ill will for the mentally less-gifted. Im sorry



Subject: and cue a slew of generic responses...
Date: May 23 2005 10:24:37 AM
Author: Craig

To: Boris Doris

Could you have come up with a more obvious, media friendly and astoundingly blinkered respose to this article? I doubt it.

Why are you so offended? This article is surely just an observation of a particular families life. There are no judgments made by the article, it's a report of human activity and is not in any way an attack/piss take of such an unfortunate way to live. Would you be as offended if the woman had just said her list in a television ducumentary, I'd venture to suggest no.

Oh and, the statment "I wish an severly mentally retarded child on all of you, a wife that is mentally ill, and developemthally delayed as well." applies far more negative conotations to being mentally ill than this entire issue as well as being grammatically wrong (I think you'll find its "I wish A severely mentally retarded chil...blah, blah, blah...").

You're quite clearly an idiot, and that's all there is to it.



Subject: you people are disgusting
Date: May 02 2005 09:53:49 PM
Author: Boris-doris

you people are the most vile disgusting living creatures, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

I wish an severly mentally retarded child on all of you, a wife that is mentally ill, and developemthally delayed as wello.

Does not anyone have a heart.



Subject: Kid
Date: Apr 21 2005 10:30:24 AM
Author: wolf359

I want the t shirt that kid is wearing in the photo.



Subject: ????
Date: Apr 20 2005 09:10:10 AM
Author: Voiceover Artist

MotherFUCK! I used to live in London and spent a lot of time around Carnaby Street, I checked out the Carnaby Street Website to find the number of a store, I found this "Loved Kingly Court, what great designers all in one beautiful courtyard!!!!"
What the FUCK? Who wrote this. If someone had said this to me when I was five, I know it would be instant autism for life whether or not my mom looked like Kathy Bates ugly sister with cheap glasses.



Subject: autistic tim
Date: Apr 13 2005 06:13:58 AM
Author: lisa

jesus, if i was her kid i'd pretend to be autistic too



Subject: WarmFuzzy
Date: Apr 12 2005 09:23:53 PM
Author: BigMuff

Heartwarming, really.



Subject: Mad momma!
Date: Apr 07 2005 04:44:35 AM
Author: baby cake


I have bipolar and an eight year old son to look after. What motivates me is that he is a bright and wise child , who gives me energy to go on. With the ups and downs associated with being an actress life can be tough. I keep his life routine with plenty of scope for activities and growth. Pat yourself on the back.. you go girl!



Subject: Uhhh
Date: Apr 06 2005 02:13:45 PM
Author: no name

SHOULD five year old's wear "Diaphers"???



Subject: sex drugs blah blah blah
Date: Apr 03 2005 11:05:51 PM
Author: yo

now im gonna sound like one of those hyper-sensitive nerds, but... i just love it when people stop playing their character for some time. you guys can go back to it in the next issue.



Subject: evrythingFUNNY
Date: Apr 03 2005 10:39:17 PM
Author: d. structo

You should have made that bitch list 20 ways she's a good mom. I really don't feel like just 10 is enough. I wake up everyday, and I have to brush MY teeth. Hows that for adversity you bleeding heart scum bags?



Subject: ugh...
Date: Apr 02 2005 05:28:46 AM
Author: nigga_k_dizz

ah geez, here cums the waterworks. fuck u vice. shit makes me wanna hold my 6 month old under for a couple of minutes just so i can love the little retard 10x as much...



Subject: Sad?
Date: Mar 31 2005 12:05:35 AM
Author: cpt

While the adversity in the article can understandably make you sad, don't miss the fact that this woman is also incredibly awesome. The way she addresses her faults head-on and works to do right by her son is beyond compare with ANYTHING I or most of us have done in a f*cking lightyear.

One of these days I'm going to stop focusing so much on the minutia of my life and volunteer for something...



Subject: Yikes
Date: Mar 30 2005 11:17:39 PM
Author: Chandler

This is the absolute saddest thing ever. Wow - Go Vice for having such a great article on the realities of having a mental illness.



Subject: wow
Date: Mar 29 2005 03:28:21 PM
Author: avj

This is the saddest thing that I've ever read. I know a family who has an autistic kid--I could never do it.



Subject: Ditto
Date: Mar 25 2005 11:22:35 PM
Author: Noah

This issue is better than anything Vice (or anyone) has done in a long time.



Subject: hardcore exploitation
Date: Mar 22 2005 12:58:41 AM
Author: wow

life will always, ALWAYS be more hardcore than anything we do for stimulation, be it extreme sports or japanese noise.

no I don't think it's exploitation at all. the authors are credited, and are allowed to present their content just the way it is (seems like) without too much editing. (off topic, but unlike some of those records Sublime Frequencies put out)



Subject: Mondo
Date: Mar 21 2005 10:09:15 PM
Author: Isaac Garcia

I can't decide whether this is exploitation or not.



Subject: hardcore
Date: Mar 20 2005 11:07:08 PM
Author: Gabriele

How can anyone say that this issue isn't hardcore? Pills, hallucinations, nitty gritty stuff, in your face - that's what Vice is to me. Why does hardcore have to be all rude 24/7 and apathetic?



Subject: great article
Date: Mar 18 2005 06:05:07 PM
Author: mg

For real, man, i felt a tear come on.



Subject: ???
Date: Mar 18 2005 05:52:41 AM
Author: shut up

so everyone loves vice when it goes all soft? and everyone loves it when it goes all hardcore? so, you just suck whatever cock they publish? go watch "electra".



Subject: autism
Date: Mar 17 2005 03:17:45 PM
Author: jonny

I grew up with just about the greatest lil bro one can have and he has Austim. The absolutely amazing thing is that he is always gonna be a little kid brother even though he's 24 and sounds like Barry White. I keep seeing these things in the local media where they talk about Autism as the hidden epidemic and then of course, someone tries to throw a charity even for the kids and make a quick buck off of it. It was kinda making me bitter. But lo and behold, you guys managed to come out with an amazing article. I was worried about reading this issue b/c you guys have a reputation but now i'm glad I did.

Thanks vice..



Subject: IF you are for real...
Date: Mar 15 2005 05:18:20 AM
Author: Anti-Ironic VICE

then this is a sweet, refreshing (now get back to your dirty "good call" shit) article that we can appreciate.

But if you are somehow trying to be ironic and thereby judgmental, well, then you should burn in hell for your sheer stupidity.
If that IS the case, may NYC eject you back to your GAYass Canada to start smacking up again, losers.

Otherwise, It is truly a refreshing GENUITY. Imagine that. Cheers and keep it up (at least occasionally)



Subject: way to go
Date: Mar 11 2005 09:36:12 PM
Author: mr. johnson

While I absolutely love the crap out of you guys for the horribly awful, funny, great things you say this one did it for me. I have a cousin with Down's *and* autism. Hittin' home yo.



Subject: wow
Date: Mar 11 2005 07:58:01 PM
Author: I can't believe this 2

you people should feel good about yourself as journalists. I just called my family after not speaking with them for 1 year. there's been lots of fucked up shit growing up, and I understand that they did their best but it's still difficult to live with some of the decisions they made when I was young. this article inspired me to call them. and what seemed so scary before turned out to be no big deal. they were happy to hear from me. thankyou Vice.



Subject: I can't believe this
Date: Mar 11 2005 07:10:38 PM
Author: wow

I'm sitting here in my home office, taking a break from work to read an article or 2 in Vice. now I have tears streaming down my face. WTF. I mean I'm in touch with my emotions or whatever (for a straight guy), but I DON'T cry easily. this is just too much... it's the simplicity of the article



Subject: confused
Date: Mar 11 2005 02:22:05 PM
Author: Ahhh, how nice guy

I read vice to fuel my hedonistic mentality of drugs, sex, and violence but when an article like this comes along it confuses me into remembering that my con-man of a mother(too long to explain) once did all of these things for me as well. Fuck, the good side is calling and it's too loud. Oh well, I know Im doomed to an eternal life of drinking goats blood laced with lsd while hitting a glass dick full of puddled dope as Satan herself(notice the capatilzation in "Satan", thats evil literary respect bitches!!!!) sucks my cock with jagged marbles in her mouth. Hell is what you make of it.



Subject: just a comment
Date: Mar 11 2005 03:16:31 AM
Author: sky

i work with children whose mothers have been victims of domestic violence, and, although there are some excellent, hard working mothers that go through our program, after reading this article, it is nice to know that there are mothers who truely care and are compassionatly trying as hard as they can to raise their child(ren) inspite of their troubles. As troubling as it is, i can't say that for all the mothers i see. As much as they try it's not with the same compassion.

P.S. so let this be a message to both males and females; stop beating your significant others.



Subject: Only been a week
Date: Mar 10 2005 10:34:30 PM
Author: Snur

I've been hating Vice for being a pile of shit for a few years now (yet still reading the fucking thing), but I'm really liking this issue. This piece is the best.



Subject: none really
Date: Mar 10 2005 08:19:46 PM
Author: Cashmere

Though no doubt tonnes of people will likely accuse this whole issue of being invasive and grossly insensitive, I thought this article was great. It made me feel like a shithead for worrying about art or politics or what some friend may have said last night, and I guess we all sort of need that from time to time.



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