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GRATEFUL DEAD BY JOSHUA TOUSTER


Even after Jerry Garcia died, the Grateful Dead just kept trundling on. And it paid off. Even without ol’ Captain Trips, the average attendance for post-Garcia-death shows was 16,843. That is a lot of either very patient, very deaf, or very fucked-up-on-acid people.



Now here’s the weird part: the vast majority of these crowds were not wheezy old dudes (like the band are). They were bona fide young people. Since re-forming sans Jerry, the Dead have grossed $50 million. We have no problem with the Dead making money. In fact, some of us here like old Dead records. We do have a problem with these children of boomers treading fucking water by listening to the same exact songs their parents did in the same exact way.



When Jerry died, there were people on Haight Street who were literally dropping to their knees and screaming “JERRRRYYYYY. NOOOO!” at the sky like when the first Kim Jong Il died. Only North Koreans are all completely fucking insane and these guys on Haight Street were our age. What gives?


Hippie culture is ME culture. It’s all about decorating yourself and thinking about yourself and doing lots of acid so you can get introspective and think about yourself. It’s like you’re living on the planet you.



A Dead show is all about scalpers selling tickets to people with mall-bought peace signs and crystals on their necks, the worst weed imaginable at the highest price ever, and gnarled OG Dead fans trying to fuck 17-year-old hippie girls (they probably know their mom and dad from the old days).



It’s OK to lobotomize yourself with drugs if you’re really fucking smart and talking to other people is way too boring. But when you’re taking massive amounts of acid on a nightly basis just so you can find yet another 20-minute guitar solo interesting, you might want to take a long look in the mirror.



The whole merry-pranksters and psychedelic-clowns shit is just a feeble excuse to act like a toddler again.



Dead parking lots are rampant with people hawking lame wares and services.



The best part is that overalls chick there will not only be sitting still for HOURS while the Grace Slick wannabe plays with her hair, but she also probably paid her to do it.



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Subject: pretty obvious
Date: Oct 21 2005 06:01:28 PM
Author: bastrd

I had to rub my eyes to check. You guys are really making these postings in 2005, ten years after he died. Seriously there is no reason to direct animosity towards this guy...I suspect he was pretty aware of what shitheads some of his fans were.



Subject: hakke
Date: Oct 19 2005 02:16:00 AM
Author: chia

fond memories of when jerr bear died- I just remember a flood smelly sage burning hippy assholes invading the rave scene- complaining about how the music was too fast for thier acid trip.



Subject: hippies
Date: Oct 17 2005 11:14:42 PM
Author: Teach me how to whistle

They are there to remind us of all the we COULD be should we choose to disregard the societal norm of hygiene, but hey, im just recapping here.



Subject: I would like...
Date: Oct 17 2005 04:49:38 PM
Author: Me

I would like to join in on the hippy bashing, BUT...I'm simply too addicted to furry beaver to bash hippies. I just can't get that shit hairy enough. If crunchies were to be eradicated, I fear it would be more difficult to get my hairy bush fix. So please...Save the Beavers.



Subject: hippies
Date: Oct 15 2005 11:48:05 PM
Author: jb 05

um, i don't know if you guys know it but hippy culture will be back. It's really going to be all the rage again within 6 months. i don't know if it's ironic or not but everyone should really get ready for a return of 60's counterculture icons.



Subject: straw men
Date: Oct 15 2005 08:55:15 PM
Author: donic d

Since when did Vice become the American Journal of Straw Men? Everything they are railing against, this baby boomer shit, is nonexistent today. Baby boomers failed, no one cares about 1960s ideals, it's not even worth worrying about. But here's Vice, tilting at windmills.



Subject: umm...
Date: Oct 12 2005 01:47:55 PM
Author: Hello?

But then there's this.
I don't get it

http://vdare.com/misc/050531_mcinnes.htm



Subject: whassa?
Date: Oct 12 2005 06:50:59 AM
Author: uhhh..

http://www.a m c o n m a g.com/08_11_03/feature.html

hello?
he's right - remove spaces for an interesting read



Subject: wow, you are really clueless
Date: Oct 11 2005 10:16:41 PM
Author: franky

"worst weed imaginable at the highest price ever"

actually, you can find the best weed you have ever seen at very reasonable prices. you can find beasters for cheap. you will not find schwag. hippies are weed snobs. seriously, do you're fucking homework before you insult people.



Subject: dipshit...
Date: Oct 10 2005 03:36:42 PM
Author: shintriad

We all know about the AmCon mag article. And I say Lisa Kudros to Gavin, for laying all that shit out on the line. If you don't like it, read something else, pussy.

AmCon is an anomaly in conservative thought -- they supported Ralph Nader and routinely hack neo-concksuckers like Christopher Hitchens to pieces. In other words, they're closer to old-school DIY-style conservative than anything out of the Bush administration, and therefore not the same as "evil" mainstream conservos.

Anyay, making fun of hippies doesn't make Vice a conservative magazine. Many other subcultures, from skinheads to greasers to punks to skaters to straightedge kids, have had anti-hippie sentiments for a variety of perfectly valid reasons.

In other words: GET THE FUCK OVER IT, SHITCOCK.



Subject: fat-faced parasite
Date: Oct 07 2005 03:34:29 PM
Author: fuck you



August 11, 2003 issue
Copyright © 2003 The American Conservative


Hip to Be Square


It’s geting cooler to be conservative.


By Gavin McInnes

If you ask the average American Conservative subscriber about the kids today, he will probably put down his cigar and complain, “They’re a bunch of knee-jerk liberals still brainwashed by the communist propaganda that worked so well on their parents. They’re against invading Iraq because ‘all war is bad.’ They’re against Israel because when it comes to light skin versus dark skin, the latter is always right, and they’re pro-immigration for exactly the same reasons.” I’d like to argue, but he’s right.

I should know. I run a $10 million corporation called VICE that has been deep inside the heads of 18-30s for the past 10 years. According to the Cassandra Report (a trend-spotting “cool hunter” that charges corporations tens of thousands of dollars to tell them what’s hip), our magazine is the number one read for women aged 19-24 and for men aged 25-30. That’s better than Maxim, Jane, or even the New Yorker. Since the Cassandra Report was made public, our magazine has branched out into retail (stores in Toronto, Los Angeles, and New York), film (four in production including director Spike Jonze’s next picture), and TV (on Showtime). We are a successful company that has made its money recognizing cool, and the one thing t



Subject: you're just another money slut
Date: Oct 07 2005 03:25:29 PM
Author: old man



August 11, 2003 issue
Copyright © 2003 The American Conservative


Hip to Be Square


It’s geting cooler to be conservative.


By Gavin McInnes

If you ask the average American Conservative subscriber about the kids today, he will probably put down his cigar and complain, “They’re a bunch of knee-jerk liberals still brainwashed by the communist propaganda that worked so well on their parents. They’re against invading Iraq because ‘all war is bad.’ They’re against Israel because when it comes to light skin versus dark skin, the latter is always right, and they’re pro-immigration for exactly the same reasons.” I’d like to argue, but he’s right.

I should know. I run a $10 million corporation called VICE that has been deep inside the heads of 18-30s for the past 10 years. According to the Cassandra Report (a trend-spotting “cool hunter” that charges corporations tens of thousands of dollars to tell them what’s hip), our magazine is the number one read for women aged 19-24 and for men aged 25-30. That’s better than Maxim, Jane, or even the New Yorker. Since the Cassandra Report was made public, our magazine has branched out into retail (stores in Toronto, Los Angeles, and New York), film (four in production including director Spike Jonze’s next picture), and TV (on Showtime). We are a successful company that has made its money recognizing cool, and the one thing t



Subject: The Déad....
Date: Oct 07 2005 11:33:53 AM
Author: Brian Miller

The Dead rock!!..... No, I'm just kidding, they totally Suck Dead Donky spooge through drink straws...

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No, I kid, I kid, You Dead heads are alright... FOR ME TO POOP ON!!!!



Subject: waste
Date: Oct 06 2005 05:27:41 PM
Author: some shit head

who cares what hippies are up to



Subject: hippies
Date: Oct 05 2005 11:15:44 PM
Author: chazz

Hippies? Do you idiots seriously have your panties in a wad about a dead culture?

Then you're fucking dead.



Subject: vice competition
Date: Oct 04 2005 03:27:27 PM
Author: the publisher

Wolfey, it looks like you're projecting; the text is boring because YOU KEEP READING IT you reactionary twat. Get off your lazy ass and start a competing magazine and it will hopefully save us all from your whiny,liberal, pap.



Subject: let the lie suffer
Date: Oct 03 2005 07:47:51 PM
Author: i wish the dead would die

i went to a dead show when i was in second grade(my dad had tickets)when jerry was still huffing and puffing. I found the show so fucking boring i fell asleep, not only is the culture unworhty of food the music made me feel as if i was inside my moms womb hearing a herat attack.



Subject: dead garcia
Date: Oct 03 2005 01:11:31 PM
Author: pk

ha, this reminds me of my good friend Jett. He and his mates lived right at Haight and Ashbury when Hairy Garcia died. There was a spontaneous candlelit flower circle of love and remembrance in the street at the intersection. Jett, who is Marc Bolan re-constituted with an art school education and a wicked uppercut, flung waterballoons with his friends from the rooftop of his building right smack into the center of those cheesy bongo playing dirtbags. God I love him.



Subject: God...
Date: Oct 02 2005 03:25:52 PM
Author: polacka

I hate you...



Subject: i'm grateful that they're finally dead
Date: Oct 02 2005 02:43:16 PM
Author: patty mcdouchenuts

What are these guys? Christian rock?



Subject: you keep coming back for more...
Date: Oct 02 2005 12:48:38 PM
Author: Legov

I don't know if this is the place to discuss this , but i can't help but notice how confused and dirty you all feel when something comes off sounding 'conservative' and it still makes you laugh. Have your baby boomer mommies all convinced you that thier idealism is the rightous truth?

Do yourself a favor and do some re-search. the American Conservative article by Gavin (with all it's mind fucks and twists), NYTimes toilet hole, gawker articles, blogs on The New York City Anti-Hipster Forum.... it's gonna make your simple little pin-heads spin!!!!

Go back to shovelling the simple shit from the Daily Show, smile big and swallow....

You'll never understand it all.



Subject: MOAN
Date: Oct 01 2005 12:23:32 PM
Author: BITCH

why do vice keep coming off conservative?

They ARE, you fools:

http://www.a m c o n m a g.com
/08_11_03/feature.html

Welcome to the club

p.s. if you were just being ironic, MY BAD

p.p.s. they totally tried to censor the above link, hence the spaces -- CONSPIRACY ALERT!



Subject: is it just me
Date: Sep 30 2005 03:05:56 PM
Author: hmm

or are all ugly people punks or hippies... and the good looking punks or hippies are idolized...

haha, i think i figured something out.

life is looks.



Subject: .
Date: Sep 29 2005 09:36:01 AM
Author: hahaha

this is the dumbest shit i have ever read



Subject: wtf
Date: Sep 29 2005 09:21:11 AM
Author: im sueing!

thats ME dead center in the first pic. what year is that?



Subject: crackheadboy
Date: Sep 29 2005 09:16:33 AM
Author: I hate hippies

A) They are stupid
B) They dont shave
C) They smell worst than that insane bum who is always on the one train.
D)They did all these stupid drugs. Everyones knows cocaine is the drug for people of power. Fucking lossers.



Subject: wolfey is right
Date: Sep 28 2005 10:23:24 PM
Author: vice is conservative


wolfey is right

why does this magazine keep coming off as conservative



Subject: HIppy culture
Date: Sep 28 2005 08:08:39 PM
Author: Open minded

From my experience.. hippies are just as elitist as the people they claim to defy. If you dont have the dreads.. the pit stench.. and know the right people... Fuhgettaboutit.. they dont want anything to do with you.



Subject: Hippies Smell
Date: Sep 28 2005 01:21:47 PM
Author: Micah

Hippies are a waste of time. They are code word for homeless people who like music if you can call 'The Dead' that.
There is an entire section at your local music store called the new release section. Ask the hippie that works there to point it out.



Subject: back to the future
Date: Sep 27 2005 03:19:09 PM
Author: *

hoow come your post is on Sep, 21 2005 ????



Subject: *
Date: Sep 27 2005 03:17:19 PM
Author: *

hoow come your post is on Sep, 22 ????



Subject: BRILLIANT
Date: Sep 21 2005 06:32:19 PM
Author: wolfey

OH MY GOD!! Hippies are selfish idiots?!

Electric Kool Aid Acid Test said everything that's in this issue a couple decades ago. So did Pat Robertson and Bob Dole.

Would someone please found a magazine to compete with Vice b/c I keep coming back to read their shit when I'm bored and it keeps boring the fuck out of me even more with its tiredness.



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