DOS & DON'TS

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  OK, here's the plan. Instead of embarrassing your wife and kids by growing a ponytail and driving around in a PT Cruiser with your shirt unbuttoned, you are going to focus all your mid-life crisis energy into hunting down reasonable facsimiles of all the girls you never got to fuck in high school. First on the docket: That older girl at punk shows with whatever-the-hell-her- zine-was-called.
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  DOs & DON'Ts

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  Finally your fat friend has a girlfriend. Her name’s Maggie May and she has a website where she sells vintage lunch boxes that have been hilariously retouched with a modern twist (she made The Fonz look like Bush).
  
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  DOs & DON'Ts