Alphabeat have been dropped. Thank fuck for that. Hopefully we’ll never have to hear the phrase ‘wonky pop’ ever again. I’m sorry Peter Robinson, I love you, but I hate Wanky Pap. Alphabeat - a band only liked by apologetic freelance music journalists who use phrases like: “Perfect pop song”, can’t give any hip-hop record under 8/10 and think Gwen Steffani isn’t a total fucking douche.
Once, making it to the top in the music industry required hard work, talent and timing. Thankfully, those days are long since over. No, nowadays all you need is a copy of our guide to making it in the biz, Zane’s mobby number and a burgeoning friendship with Dev Hynes. Just stick these simple rules to your fridge, and within no time at all, you too can be the band that everyone dismisses as pure hype.
As the 2008 slams the brakes on, editors the breadth of the land put their feet up on the desk and just serve you some reconstituted yesterdays: top-10-20-30-50-100 countdowns of stuff that happened over the past twelve months. But as you grind your way through one end of year music supplement banging on about Kings Of Leon & MGMT after another, your eyes go oblong and there’s a sense of intense, giddying deja vu. Haven’t we seen it all before? In every other magazine/paper/webzine/cereal box? Like, every year? Forever?
Slice through the crap: this is The Only Top 35 Albums Of The Year Countdown You’ll Ever Need.
You know when you get really baked and you do a funny dance thing around the living room that makes your sister laugh so hard she pees herself? Some people like that moment so much they decide to do it forever.
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This girl is pretty and everything but her whole shit is so hip-hop-diva-MTV- keepin’-it-real she needs to be advertising Pepsi or something.
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