When you’re a kid it’s pretty standard for a gang to demand a picture of a naked woman to get into their club. If you have an older sister, odds are it’ll be one of her. It’s pretty similar for the Vice Singles Club, only we want naked pictures of anyone with a single out this week. So, for example, if you applied today, we’d be demanding a Bananarama lesbo sandpit adventure snap and a picture of Mika’s cock in a burger bun. Read more »
Vice Singles Club, 1 September 2009
We had our bi-annual Vice Singles Club meet at the weekend. It was awesome, someone baked this cake out of seven-inches and then we did a quiz. Can you name the members of Roxy Music who aren’t called Bryan? No? Then you wouldn’t have won the quiz and it’s probably lucky you didn’t come along. Read more »
Vice Singles Club, 24th August 2009
Another classic week for singles, then. Is it just us at the Vice Singles Club (new club picture above), or is music just getting better every week? While we go home and build a new shed to store all the new records we’ll be wanting to buy out of the old records which have now been rendered utterly pointless, you can be enlightened by reading our words beneath. Read more »
Vice Singles Club, 4 August, 2009
LOVVERS
OCD Go Go Girls
Wichita
I desperately wanted to hate this – everything about this band has always screamed “AVOID” at me in huge elephant letters. However, they bypass the wanky sub-No Age teen thrills of their peers and go straight for a Real Kids/Television/Flamin’ Groovies dirty power-pop jugular. Seems almost entirely engineered for sad, middle-aged record collector scum like me, so clearly they’re never actually going to get any bigger.
9
LEICESTER BANGS Read more »
Vice Singles Club, 21 July, 2009
SIMPLE MINDS
Stars Will Lead The Way
Universal
There’s something quite likeable about Simple Minds – the fact that they are not U2. Yes, it’s true their head-held-high, arms-aloft Messiah rock is just as overblown, e-bowed, and reverbed, their lyrics just as cod-meaningful and their performances as excruciatingly serious and lifeless. But thankfully all the global-brand, meet-the-Pope, save-the-world bullshit has alluded them and they just remain, well, a bit silly. I find all this very comforting and I’d like to buy Jim Kerr a pint to commiserate.
6
SADDAM CLAYTON Read more »
Vice Singles Club, 6th July 2009
HONOR BLACKMAN
The Star Who Fell From Grace
Music Infinity
This is more like it. Dame Blackman sing-talks her way through a litany of heart-wrenching pathos and regret that even Marc Almond would be ashamed to keep a straight face throughout. Probably the campest single since Elaine Page and Barbara Dickson power-moaned their way to the top of the charts, and at two minutes and nine seconds, sounds suspiciously truncated. Perhaps the intended finale was so overwrought that all involved dissolved in a pool of tears.
10
TONY MOLESTER Read more »
Vice Singles Club, 29 June 09
THE VIRGINS
“Hey Hey Girl”
Warner
The charming thing about the Virgins, or at least the song “Rich Girls” was they were a shitty guitar band trying to play R & B but failing in a dumb and glorious fashion. Then they re-recorded that song with some big shot producer who actually made them sound professional and ruined their schtick, which made them pretty rubbish. This is another song by them, which may have been good at some point, but now definitely isn’t. Basically if they hire me as their manager / guru I will make them shitty and glorious once more.
5
WALDO JEFFERS Read more »
Vice Singles Club, 22 June, 2009
Everyone says singles are an antiquated form, but that’s only if you’re going to buy them, not if you’re going to steal them, or just take the piss out of them. Here’s the first of our weekly Vice singles round-ups, complete with words, pictures and, occasionally, mildly relevant videos. Read more »
