Are you sick of commercial love songs masquerading as rap music? Do you long for the days when the trend in rap was to release records like Juvenile Hell, Lifestyles Ov Da Poor & Dangerous and Goodfellas and keep a box cutter in your right sock? You do? Well click on this shit beeeyyeatttttccchhh!!! Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus!
Vice Singles Club, 1 September 2009
We had our bi-annual Vice Singles Club meet at the weekend. It was awesome, someone baked this cake out of seven-inches and then we did a quiz. Can you name the members of Roxy Music who aren’t called Bryan? No? Then you wouldn’t have won the quiz and it’s probably lucky you didn’t come along. Read more »
Vice Singles Club, 24th August 2009
Another classic week for singles, then. Is it just us at the Vice Singles Club (new club picture above), or is music just getting better every week? While we go home and build a new shed to store all the new records we’ll be wanting to buy out of the old records which have now been rendered utterly pointless, you can be enlightened by reading our words beneath. Read more »
Vice Singles Club, 4 August, 2009
LOVVERS
OCD Go Go Girls
Wichita
I desperately wanted to hate this – everything about this band has always screamed “AVOID” at me in huge elephant letters. However, they bypass the wanky sub-No Age teen thrills of their peers and go straight for a Real Kids/Television/Flamin’ Groovies dirty power-pop jugular. Seems almost entirely engineered for sad, middle-aged record collector scum like me, so clearly they’re never actually going to get any bigger.
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LEICESTER BANGS Read more »
Vice Singles Club, 6th July 2009
HONOR BLACKMAN
The Star Who Fell From Grace
Music Infinity
This is more like it. Dame Blackman sing-talks her way through a litany of heart-wrenching pathos and regret that even Marc Almond would be ashamed to keep a straight face throughout. Probably the campest single since Elaine Page and Barbara Dickson power-moaned their way to the top of the charts, and at two minutes and nine seconds, sounds suspiciously truncated. Perhaps the intended finale was so overwrought that all involved dissolved in a pool of tears.
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TONY MOLESTER Read more »
Vice Singles Club, 29 June 09
THE VIRGINS
“Hey Hey Girl”
Warner
The charming thing about the Virgins, or at least the song “Rich Girls” was they were a shitty guitar band trying to play R & B but failing in a dumb and glorious fashion. Then they re-recorded that song with some big shot producer who actually made them sound professional and ruined their schtick, which made them pretty rubbish. This is another song by them, which may have been good at some point, but now definitely isn’t. Basically if they hire me as their manager / guru I will make them shitty and glorious once more.
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WALDO JEFFERS Read more »
MC Trachiotomy and his creepy home
MC Trachiotomy’s longtime buddy Quintron says he once “painted himself green and cradled an empty coke bottle like a baby as a stunt to ward off City clean up-crews. And he trained his dog Pablo to bark at smoke machines.”
MC Trachiotomy is the king of New Orleans, sitting on a throne in a ramshackle palace full of huge mechanical puppets, 18th century antique instruments, a defunct (fully stocked) wallpaper store, a warehouse full of weird artifacts, and plus there’s a 24-hour taco truck in the backyard. It’s called the Pearl Lounge, and it hosts a crazy live rock and hip-hop party every Sunday night from midnight to 6 AM in the upper Ninth Ward. He got his start in the screamo pyromaniac band Crash Worship, then in 1995 disappeared into the purple smoke of lo-fi percolation in a voice that sounds like the reason for which he named himself. He’s toured the world repeatedly, loves the tropics and Greece, and played with the Butthole Surfers at their reunion shows last year. So hey, let’s find out more about this guy.
Hypothetical Pop Murderers 2009?
According to every magazine/website/zeitgeist newsletter, there are a whole lot of exciting new bands you will be hearing more of this year. Hooray. According to general laws of statistics, each of them has a hypothetical propensity to kill. Wouldn’t it be great if one of them committed a murder at some point during 2009? Just think: Indie gossip would all be about CSI-style corpse decomposition periods and semen samples, or maybe more retro talk of candlesticks and lead pipes. With that in mind, we’re offering the music press the chance to get a jump on the game, by ranking 2009’s potential indie breakouts in terms of their murderous proclivities, using nothing more than Poirot-like little grey cells. Elementary findings follow. Read more »
The Best Albums Ever, 2008
As the 2008 slams the brakes on, editors the breadth of the land put their feet up on the desk and just serve you some reconstituted yesterdays: top-10-20-30-50-100 countdowns of stuff that happened over the past twelve months. But as you grind your way through one end of year music supplement banging on about Kings Of Leon & MGMT after another, your eyes go oblong and there’s a sense of intense, giddying deja vu. Haven’t we seen it all before? In every other magazine/paper/webzine/cereal box? Like, every year? Forever?
Slice through the crap: this is The Only Top 35 Albums Of The Year Countdown You’ll Ever Need.
