Another classic week for singles, then. Is it just us at the Vice Singles Club (new club picture above), or is music just getting better every week? While we go home and build a new shed to store all the new records we’ll be wanting to buy out of the old records which have now been rendered utterly pointless, you can be enlightened by reading our words beneath.

JET
She’s A Genius
Atlantic
This sounds like all the worst aspects of Australia having a fucking bungee-jumping party inside the Australian prime minister’s arsehole. Awful.
0
WARREN TRELLIS

BLACK LIPS
Drugs
Vice
Did we ever tell you we liked Black Lips? Yeah? Oh, like a billion times? Yeah, well suck it up, motherfucker. The magazine’s free, the website’s free, we don’t owe you shit, so if we want to talk about the only great rock and roll band of our time over and over again we fucking will. Oh, and the seven-inch has a cover of a Black Lips song by Lumina, which is amazing as well.
10
RA RA RAPSUTINE

BIFFY CLYRO
This Golden Rule
14th Floor
Jesus, the British cannot get a handle on the whole alternative rock thing, can they? File alongside Placebo and Muse under inexplicably-popular-despite-getting-it-all-wrong. I mean, who actually likes this aside from Kerrang journalists? They sound like they decided to form a band after hearing one album: In Utero. On the upside, their name rhymes with “Whiffy Biro” so at least that’s mildly entertaining.
3
JULIA EBOLA

SIC ALPS
L Mansion
Slumberland
As expected, Slumberland and Sic Alps come up with the goods yet again on this psych-pop gem. It’s got ghostly backing vocals and a great piano hook, but it’s pretty understated for them. Their music, as usual, sounds like it could have been recorded at any time in the last 40 years and if they had a DeLorean time machine they would probably be a legendary band re-forming to play one of those Don’t Look Back concerts.
9
JOELSTOCK

THE AIRBORNE TOXIC EVENT
Sometime Around Midnight
Mercury
Instead of listening to this dangerously pretentious hellhole of a song you could: a) buy the excellent novel White Noise by Don Delillo, from which this band’s name is taken from, b) listen to some of the bands they are aping (Springsteen/Arcade Fire), or c) just do anything that doesn’t involve this noise reaching your eardums.
2
STANK TURNER

DANANANANAYKROYD
Some Dresses
Best Before
Sorry to be all thuggish and reactionary, but are we really going to entrust our screamy, shouty guitar music underground to people so insipid, wimpy and bookish? I mean, look at them. I could beat up all of them and Rollo Tomasi with one hand tied behind my back. As much as I hate the fact that moronic gougers like Madball and Hatebreed took over hardcore, listening to this makes me kickbox their stupid cutesy fucking faces.
2
TED WONG

DISKJOKKE
Rosenrod
Full Pupp
I used to be quite into Prins Thomas and Lindstrom about four years ago. This guy has since been billed as their protégé. It doesn’t seem much has changed since I last listened to this kind of music. It’s dance music you can’t really dance to so I’m not sure why anyone bothers making it, but I’m glad they do. I’ll probably find myself resorting to this stuff again on my iPod when I can’t make my mind up about what ‘new’ and ‘exciting’ music to listen to.
8
JAN AGE FJORTOFT

T.I. FEAT. MARY J. BLIGE
Remember Me
Grand Hustle/Atlantic
“It matters not how many times you fall down, what matters most is how many times you rise/ Mistakes build character and character takes you places money can’t”. A poignant opener there from the guy who tried to buy a couple of illegal machine guns off the FBI and ended up in jail for it. Oops. Well, at least he has risen again with this epic R&B guff fest.
3
EFFY EFF

TEAM WATERPOLO
Letting Go
Epic
You have no idea how ugly this band are. I think all the slimy stuff in my vagina just turned to puke.
0
ANNE ARSEHOLE

IAN CAREY PROJECT
Get Shaky
Universal
“Baby get shaky after school. Oh, there you go. Baby get crazy, break the rules. Oh, there you go.” The rest of this song is as fucking inane and annoying as repeating those words over and over for four minutes. Maybe because that’s all the song is.
0
GARY GURNER