Have you ever actually listened to Spotify? Every three songs, some twerp with a friendly voice starts booming on about how they don’t advertise. Spotify is a website for pricks without a record collection, and none of them are getting into the never-ending sarcasm and sex party of the Vice Singles Club.
Domino
These kids are all long hair, denim and boots these days. But at least the drummer isn’t playing their transatlantic superstar game and is still rocking the One True Saxon northern terrace boy chic. Good on ya, lad. But your pals are gonna have to wait outside.
4
JULIA EBOLA
Half Machine
Perhaps you wouldn’t expect two former members of Meneguar to go away and form an outfit that make records that sound like some undiscovered 60s psyche pop band. Or maybe you don’t work for Pitchfork and therefore don’t expend much thought on Meneguar during your average day. Either way, this is awesome.
9
JOELSTOCK
GGI Enterprises
I was all geared up to make some jokes about how Bashy is a shitty rapper who tried to make fun of people like Ghetto and Wiley while dressed as Missy Elliot – it was going to be great. But then I watched the video for this and realised that it might be the best thing I have ever seen. So now I am going to vent my backed-up spleen all over Kasabian’s faces.
10
STARTLED SIMON
Columbia
Shitty bollocks. A real cunt bonanza.
2
INDIER MONTPELLIER
Def Jam
This is another mega step on R&B’s mission to making very popular songs with less and less sounds. Eventually someone will release a banger entirely made up of silence and everyone will go nuts. This only has three different sounds on the whole record: someone pressing a low-pitched key on a keyboard’s “spaceship” setting, some frequent taps whilst on the “horse clip clop” setting, and Jeremih asking a girl where she wants the dick.
7
HUGH GETMIH
HOCKEY
Song Away
Virgin
Who knew that what music needed was an American version of Razorlight? The good people of Virgin, that’s who! I just watched a video of them playing on Jools Holland and it made me throw up.
2
STAIN LOWE
Ambush Reality
In which commuter-belt emo rockers seem to take issue with a man because he has a mobile phone and a suit on. Radical. Yes, I know they are actually English, but the singer’s reinterpretation of Blink 182’s comedy Dick Van Dyke-isms is uncanny. A classic case of life imitating art imitating shit.
2
TED WONG
679/Atlantic
As you’d expect, this just sounds like an average Kylie track.
3
MEAT WATERMAN
You have to give it to Arcade Fire, they’ve really carved out a little piece of indie paradise for themselves. They’re great live too. The problem with this new song of theirs is that it sounds exactly like an unimaginative band’s poor imitation of their old stuff.
2
PAUL IMITATION
BRENDAN BENSON
Feel Like Taking You Home
ATO/Echo
If Brendan isn’t pissed about the fact that in most people’s eyes he’s always just going to be “one of the other guys” from the Raconteurs, just because he’s not Jack White, he should be. The emotion might inspire him to write some more memorable tracks. This has been on the internet for ages now. I guess he presumed no one would be able to remember hearing it the first time round.
5
BRANDON HEDGES
Despite all the downtuned crunch, double bass drumming and Ross Robinson’s ‘eavy production, this is the closest Bert “Coke Bloat” McCracken has got to a decent tune since playing Kelly Osbourne’s a-hole like a whistle. In fact, if you had Mickie Most at the helm, this would make a killer mid-paced glam stomper – like the Sweet but with neck tattoos. Just an idea for next time, fellas.
6
TONY MOLESTER
Palawan/Universal
To me this sounds a lot like a guy from London singing like a woman from America. And she’s a little bitch.
3
HEW GARDENS
Tagged:
Anthoney Wright,
Arctic Monkeys,
Bashy,
Brendan Benson,
enter shikari,
Hockey,
Jeremih,
Kasabian,
Little Boots,
Red Light Company,
The Used,
Woods August 18th, 2009 @ 05:32
Reader Comments
August 18th, 2009
i like the new Arctic Monkeys song, and the video.
it’s good peoples.
August 18th, 2009
as for little boots, more like a failed lady gaga track, which isn’t saying much