All journalists love to not enjoy award ceremonies because they think it makes them big-time 4real punk rockers. But they’re idiots who think that sex is playing into the hands of mattress companies. Last night was the 7,000th annual NME awards and if you like drugs and booze and music and models it was fun. The best bit was when everyone booed when Oasis won Best Band. HaHa.

This is Jamie from Klaxons, Cherish from Ipso Facto and Corey Kennedy from America. Jamie’s a massive Oasis fan so when everyone booed…

He jumped up and started cheering and waving things in the air and threatening the whole room.

Alice from Crystal Castles was there. She was pretty shy at this point, but as the night went on she, like everyone else got more smashed…

This is her having a fight over Last Shadow Puppets’ Best Video award with some random dudes.

LSPuppets’ PR was standing there saying: “Excuse me!” in an irritated voice and trying to grab the award.

This is my friend Alison with James Ford from Simian Mobile Disco. James is terribly good at posing in photos isn’t he?

Here’s Alison again. But this time with Charlie Fucking Brooker. He was there to present an award, which pretty much cements his position as a generation’s favourite writer. He’s wearing Alison’s glasses here, and despite his assertion that he has a face like a troll, she describes kissing his cheek as “a pleasure”.

This is Corey and Peaches voguing. For successful young women, they sure have a shit camera.

They were so different, yet so alike. Even as their life took different paths, they remained, Best Friends 4EVR!

This is two wrestling girls. I remember taking the photo because the blonde woman was famous, but now I can’t work out who it is…anyone know?

This is a shitty shot of La Roux (who sang with Franz Ferdinand during the show) and designer Nova Dando who dressed her. La Roux told me I looked like I worked at Carphone Warehouse. That’s the last time I wear a suit.

Little Boots was more polite about my shirt than La Roux.

Robbie from The Big Pink didn’t know that his band were going to win the Radar (next big thing) award so he was very moved. Alice Dellal gave him a hug…

Then his bandmate Milo gave him a kiss.

Dancing girls! Shitty picture!

Hi Pixie, you look spooked.

Dizzee Rascal spent all of his ‘Best Dancefloor Filler’ winner’s speech reppin’ Newham Generals. Diz, dude, they suck and no-one cares.

Best prom-night ever!

This is Brody Dalle’s arm. I wish I’d got a picture of her chest. It was atomic.

Field of dreams.

AUSTIN MILLER