I just can’t tell the difference between 2009’s big pop contenders. Two women in one year is always going to be confusing, but when they’re both making music electronically? What’s going on? I feel like a blind man stumbling through a snowstorm. Help!!!!!!

I drew up a comparison chart to help me, you and everyone else decide which one of these girls is which. I think this will be on every single editor’s wall by nightfall. Don’t you?

La Roux vs Little Boots

•    One has her hair flopping forward. The other has her hair to the sides.
•    La Roux is more of an individual. Little Boots is more of a mass-culture good time girl.
•    La Roux is more into clothes. Little Boots is more into make-up.
•    La Roux likes fish. Little Boots prefers Fish from Marillion.
•    La Roux likes cheese. Little Boots prefers a nice big plate of chalk.
•    La Roux uses a stage name. Little Boots is Little Boots’ real name.
•    La Roux’s favourite poem is ‘If’. Little Boots’ favourite poem is ‘The Wasteland’.
•    La Roux used to work in B&Q. Little Boots used to work in MFI.
•    La Roux has had a pig’s heart transplanted into her chest to correct a genetic illness. Little Boots  has a tiger penis grafted onto her navel as a party trick.

GAVIN HAYNES