WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE ON A WALL

To get a handle on the general leaning of the London art student population’s tastes on the subject of public art we sent someone off to ask them questions. There was a lot of vitriol, quite a lot of ill informed art lovers, and a worrying number of Banksy fans. Still – one can’t argue with ‘the people’.

Vice: What’s your least favourite type of public art?
Clare Trembath: Umm, portraiture.

Why?
Unless it’s done with a kinda edge, I think you could just take a photo, it doesn’t really show more of the person than their physical appearance.

How about if an artist’s work could be put on the side of a building for the public, who would you choose?
Sarah Lucas.

Never heard of her.
Google her.

Any particular artist you aren’t a fan of, maybe you’d like to publically degrade?
Tracey Emin. Her mission is just to shock people, anyone can shock.

Anything specific you’d do to shock her?
Ummm, I’d make her give birth to a chair.

Okay. Well on this disturbing theme, what’s the most fucked up piece of art you’ve ever seen?
Okay, I once saw a video at a student art thing. It was a lookalike of Britney Spears, sticking a plunger up her vagina.

Vice: What do you think about contemporary art at the moment, like Banksy and stuff all over the place, bit over-exposed?
Daniel Gaines: Yeah, I think it’s really bad. ‘Cos there’s like an art fair in Miami called Basel and you get a lot of paintings which are like a big white canvas and just have a red dot on them, which are selling for like half a million dollars. I don’t think they should act like it’s the same as a beautifully composed painting.

So that wouldn't go on a wall for you...
I’d have Justine Smith.

Why?
Because she makes beautiful things that everyone should see.

You’re a bit too nice, is there anyone you don’t like?
Ramiro Agredo? – his work is the most disgusting pile of shit you’ve ever seen.

Oh okay, what sort of work is it?
He draws cartoon versions of loads of things, and fills them in with primary colours. I think his work is now part of the permanent collection at the Louvre, but he should be shot and castrated, then shot and castrated again, then again.

Nice. What if you could have a big art orgy, only you had to choose them based on their work not their looks?
Errr, Walter Vladimir. He does like lots of things have to do with sex offenders.

Interesting.
Yeah he did a thing with lots of murderers and sex offenders, he’s pretty cool.

Vice: What type of art doesn't float your boat?
Beckie Hopkins: Really simple stuff, like sculptures of bowls and when they just take the handle of a cup off.

Edgy. What's that called?
Errr... not sure.
Constructivism (more intelligent student butts in)

Anything apart from bowls?
Yeah also there was this artist that tied a dog onto a chain for his exhibition and left it to die for the end... Guillermo Vargas.

Sounds grim.
Yeah I’d chain him up and leave him out to die if I could, taste of his own medicine.

Speaking of death, is there a deceased artist you’d like to see rise from the grave and create some more art for the public?
That person who does the stuff with the sticks and the dripping clocks and stuff.

Dali?
Yeah him.

You should probably know his name.
Probably.

Vice: What's your most hated type of public art?
Arthur McBain: Tramps pissing on the street.

Right, what does that go for usually?
Well for free, it’s their way of naturally expressing themselves.

What about by the non-homeless?
That bloke who painted a hundred canvas’ blue and then just distributed them.

Did he have a name?
Dunno.

Aside from tramp art, what other public art would you like to see more of around streets?
Probably Lucien Freud, not sure he’d work on the side of a building, but he’s just immense. I like his tone and big brush strokes. These are really stereotypical questions aren’t they?

Okay then. Choose an artist to torture and humiliate because you’re so repulsed by their work. (He retracts the clichéd questions statement).
Wow, well people will hate me for this. David Hockney.

Why?
Because of those bloody swimming pool paintings.

What would you do to him?
I’d say stick a spatula up his arse, but he’d probably enjoy it. I’d make him paint a swimming pool well.

That's torture?
Actually can I change my answer to that guy who did the Angel of the North, Antony Gormley. I’d make him stand in an iron cast for three million years.

Any kind of art that weirds you out?
That guy who did Body Worlds, the German guy. There was one piece he did where it was a pregnant Ethiopian woman with the baby inside, it was disgusting, just sick.

Vice: So is there an artist that you feel needs a good bit of public humiliation?
Robert Branigan: No, I wouldn't want to humiliate any artist.

Really?
Actually Peter Spears.

Why Peter?
He's my art teacher, I'd pluck his moustache hair by hair.

Is there any art you don't 'respect'?
Yeah, graffiti type art. Where people just do shit tags on the street. I like the kind of street art that’s like pasted posters and stencil work on the walls.

What would you like to replace all the crap graffiti art with?
Andreas Gursky. His photography on such an enormous scale that they have to be shown big and everyone should see them. It would really work on a wall.

As you're not a fan of real graffiti, do you think contemporary 'street art' art has been over hyped recently?
No.

No?
Nope.

Vice: Is there any particular art you're not a fan of?
Laura Folke: I’m not big on writing on the walls, like rubbish graffiti. I don’t like that Damian Hirst cuts up animals either.

Any sort of revenge you've been dreaming to inflict on him?
I'd cut him in half and stick him in a glass box.

Clearly a Hirst vendetta here. Do you think his work is made for the mass consumer and over priced?
No I think he's pushing the boundaries.

Is there anyone who pushes the boundaries too far, in a disturbing way?
Jenny Saville.

What does she do?
She paints stuff like babies that have been cut open with dicks stuck to them.