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I know you don’t do blind dates anymore but if you’re into shithead big babies that waste money, this guy is perfect for you. He has a two-foot-long piece of excrement for hair and he rides around on a $2,000 bicycle even though he’s a grown-ass man. Interested?
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Subject: oO
Date: Feb 21 2008 07:09:07 PM
Author: Oo
bike = good
Subject: You suck
Date: Jan 06 2008 10:45:00 PM
Author: Wrong
He's a total DO. Black dude in jeans, nice top, perfect cowboy boots and a big shiny bike.... I'd do things with him there are no names for.
Subject: si si
Date: Sep 23 2007 02:29:52 PM
Author: si si
that bike is amazing!!!!!
That dude maybe in not
But the bike just amazing
Subject: I dunno
Date: Jan 02 2007 04:04:50 PM
Author: I kinda like it
I mean, I wouldn't touch him with yours, but he seems harmless enough. And I think his butt might be kind of cute, but it's hard to tell while he's seated.
Subject: daddy!!
Date: Dec 30 2006 02:38:37 AM
Author: elton bong
Hey you nasty turds, thats my dad you are talking about!
Subject: africa
Date: Nov 16 2006 11:59:15 AM
Author: Amanda
This is where you money goes when you fall for those Nigerian e-mail scams.
Subject: fuck subject
Date: Nov 14 2006 02:17:26 PM
Author: fuck name
i'm glad someone besides myself and all the blacks in america are cracking black jokes.
Subject: did u understand?
Date: Nov 12 2006 05:09:22 PM
Author: magnolf
i mean this guy could ride a far more expensive bike that looks NORMAL, look like a complete cunt and you would let him. but no, he doesn't suit you bitches
Subject: haters
Date: Nov 10 2006 12:21:24 PM
Author: motacola
Vice, i swear to Buddha you guys are fucking cunts!
Once upon a time this mag was the best thing ever but now you have lost your way and just fucking hate everything you see are you the be all and end all of cool?...The guy on the bike is a prick but @ least do the insulting with some flair and less hate you bitter cunts!
Subject: goddamit so what?
Date: Nov 10 2006 09:59:36 AM
Author: so goddam what?
So this guy spends 2 years in the garage with some metal bars & paint and finally after racking up debts for $30,000 he comes out on the street with his creation... and you give him stock for that? Whatever, he's definitely not worthy of a VICE do/dont presence.
Subject: This guy
Date: Nov 09 2006 07:08:01 AM
Author: Shizzam
this should have read : " black man ..... motorbike..... ?!?!?!?"
Subject: More Unfunny.... dam...
Date: Nov 07 2006 09:55:45 PM
Author: Brian
The regular staff writers are on Vacation I guess.
This caption sounds like it was written by some angry Lezbo who thinks she's a man, tries to act like a man,
but has no F*@#ing Idea what it is to be a man.
Subject: wtf
Date: Nov 06 2006 12:04:23 PM
Author: magnolf
what's with this? you can actually get these for a lot less, PLUS I wouldn't give a shit if it was 2000$. People you rate "DO" hang out in clothes that cost half of it, you know, and this bike's just something different. one thing the shoes and his smile piss me off
Subject: =
Date: Nov 05 2006 10:15:12 PM
Author: -
this screams "i am so lonely i spend all my time and money into weak attempts for strangers attention."
Subject: yeah
Date: Nov 05 2006 08:06:36 PM
Author: captain obvious
yeah say fucktard
Subject: stop saying that
Date: Nov 04 2006 02:21:49 PM
Author: Tony
I really hate the expression "grown ass man". I don't know why but I simply cannot bear to hear these words. I worked next to a big fat black lady in a cubicle one summer and she would yap on and on about her grown ass son who was always getting into trouble.
Say useless douchebag fucktard or something-- anything else but grown ass, it makes me feel a little queasy to hear it.
Subject: lady waste of life
Date: Nov 03 2006 12:06:50 PM
Author: dicksling
for real, son. bitch was on letterman yesterday. i was flipping through and came across her ugly ass. i had to watch out of disbelief. wtf is up with her? she is mad annoying.
Subject: damn
Date: Nov 03 2006 12:04:52 PM
Author: Dude
That Lady Sovreign is starting to really fucking piss me off, that annoying techno beat and her horrible screechy voice, goddamn
Subject: pimp my bike
Date: Nov 03 2006 09:56:24 AM
Author: dicksling
this is one of those edumucated types.
Subject: cost
Date: Nov 02 2006 04:04:11 PM
Author: chlam
that bike is only $500 brand new.
Subject: as if
Date: Nov 01 2006 06:36:16 PM
Author: Candy Ass
And what kind of kid would have $2000 to blow on a bike?
Certainly not one you'd want to date.
Subject: Bikes suck if you are fat and lazy
Date: Nov 01 2006 01:08:29 PM
Author: Duder
Bikes are awesome. Yes, this $300 fake chopper that poo-locks is riding sucks. No doubt. But living in NYC, I wouldn't trade my $2000 mountain bike for the world. So what I am a grown man. Should I buy a Jetta instead? Would that be "correct"? I'll be popping wheelies while you look for parking, asshole.
Subject: that's not a $2K bike
Date: Nov 01 2006 11:58:34 AM
Author: chef
that's more like a $299 bike.
And chopper bicycles are just plain ghey.
Subject: wrong...
Date: Nov 01 2006 09:49:48 AM
Author: Hadja Onlinown
on so many levels
Subject: Sporty Thief
Date: Nov 01 2006 08:59:17 AM
Author: Innit
Seriously, we all know that he stole it.
Subject: val
Date: Nov 01 2006 08:50:06 AM
Author: et
Maybe he's the bike valet
Subject: Devereaux
Date: Nov 01 2006 08:39:39 AM
Author: firsty Mc last
Do you think he rides the bike when he goes out on a date? His date has to runalong side him? They may even have matching bikes his and hers....Look he's not gay OK? I can just tell
Subject: hi tim
Date: Nov 01 2006 05:07:26 AM
Author: no name
this guy doesnt have a driving license.
his bike looks like somebody stole the motor of his chopper.
he would actually love to have a motorbike, but he is to scared.
this bike is like the flintstones car.
i want to see the scene, when he is casually cruising down the boulevard giving thums-up to the chicks on the sidewalk, and suddenly his tail gets caught in the wheels and off goes the scalp.
Subject: Love
Date: Nov 01 2006 02:13:36 AM
Author: Tim
I love how committed you are to vice posting.
seriously, its rad.
Subject: This site and its grammar
Date: Oct 31 2006 11:50:24 PM
Author: Sri Fristy O'Frist
yo is right about "it is" being contracted. It's done like this. However, we must be careful because "its" has proper usage as a modifier. In my view, the greater offense is becoming a grammarian on a site for fun. yo's comment is arguably worse than this one, and at best it's as bad.
Subject: corps
Date: Oct 31 2006 10:36:46 PM
Author: Malik Schwartz
I love Frank Zappa's music, but hate people that use his name on message boards. You've created a personality and frequently post on Vice, of all places, so you're really not in a position to respond to anyone.
The bike is cool, the guy is cooler. The writer is insecure with his manhood for fear he will loose hip points by his peers; therefore he must find flaws and hate. You can always tell by the lack of humor and bitterness. Type a lame story and voila, there is your don't .
Subject: what
Date: Oct 31 2006 09:59:19 PM
Author: it is
i think this vibe is totally chillin'
bikes rock because they keep you and the environment fit
Subject: bikes
Date: Oct 31 2006 09:21:48 PM
Author: not cool
im gonna have to bitch this one out. whats wrong with riding bikes when yer grown? granted, this bike is a piece of shit, otherwise im all for it.
Subject: el oh el
Date: Oct 31 2006 09:13:25 PM
Author: frank zappa
i love that people bother trying to pick apart the comments of people they will never meet. especially when they write entire dissertations on the issue. do you think anybody more than skims this shit? oh, internet.
the bike is somewhere between bitchinly cool and too much, but aviators are a definate DON'T.
Subject: first?
Date: Oct 31 2006 08:57:39 PM
Author: Tim
Go to your address bar. Where it says 470, change it to 471. Or 472. Or whatever you want. You can go to pages for do's and don'ts that haven't been added yet. If you're a loser you can comment on them before anyone else does, unless someone who's even more of a loser than you has commented first.
It's not automatic, why the fuck would Vice bother doing that? To mess with us for entertainment? Let vice readers loose together (right here for example) and without any extra effort you've got enough stupid shit to laugh at for days.
Subject: and oh yeah...
Date: Oct 31 2006 09:10:39 PM
Author: Acquitted Murderer
I love the cock!
Subject: grammar sux on this site
Date: Oct 31 2006 07:53:01 PM
Author: yo
it is = it's NOT its
thanks!
Subject: wake up
Date: Oct 31 2006 07:04:55 PM
Author: malakes
hey guys, do the maths. the Sir firsty mc first wrote his comment on the 26th october-all the others of you wrote their comments on 31st.hmmmmmm, hell yeah this is an automatic message!
Subject: for halloween.. i'm a
Date: Oct 31 2006 06:32:24 PM
Author: friggin..detective
To: Acquitted Murderer
i love your post.. But i must say to all those people out there who are mad at sir firsty mcfirst, Don't be.. he was made up by vice..if you don't believe me, just look at all his post times AND dates...the last four days, he has posted about them one after another... he is posting about them before the pictures even hit the website... he can not be that good....go see for your self...you will feel better.. in fact!!!!i think he posted todays before yesterdays.....
Subject: me likes
Date: Oct 31 2006 04:54:11 PM
Author: Acquitted Murderer
I love how people can catch feelings and get all combative responding to words on VICE. Its just another excuse to show off cute new phrases(doucherocket,cumtissue,etc) they've learned and limitless wordplay.
I also love all the high school juniors who see an attractive woman in the Do's then flaunt their masculinity by telling us how much jizz they will extract from their hairless penises and how they will destroy their babymakers if they had the chance.
And I love how people feel sorry for the poor fashion victims in the captions. They can't defend themselves, so why should we give them a negative complex
And I love people who don't know the meaning of sarcasm or unable to take a joke, be it lame or not, so they must defend themselves with self gratification.
Aannnnd I love people who get their rocks off trying to type like Vice writers(which is actually bad) and those who try to incorporate both book smarts and humor in their posts.
And finally, I love people who can't figure out the subject and author in order to make a funny word.
I love all that shit.
Subject: the bike is cool
Date: Oct 31 2006 04:34:28 PM
Author: second that
you guys ARE jealous of that bike. I bet he can do some sweet jumps on it.
Subject: ss
Date: Oct 31 2006 04:24:20 PM
Author: milky
its just a good example of what it means to be of africa descent now days. well for the past 30 years.
Subject: How is it possible
Date: Oct 31 2006 03:52:19 PM
Author: reason
How is it possible to get upset at McFirst? What, are you mad at crime and bad sex too? Pick you battles folks, McFirst is nothing to even mention.
also, contraction of "you are" is "you're" not "your". please never fo that again. and allow me to preemptively correct your their/there mistake. its always the same guy who screws those up.
Subject: nice bke
Date: Oct 31 2006 03:10:11 PM
Author: bob-o
it's a sweet bike your just jealous
Subject: .
Date: Oct 31 2006 02:47:35 PM
Author: .
poo dreads!
Subject: urm
Date: Oct 31 2006 02:42:42 PM
Author: Sailor
Timmy- Daddy, is this another shitstorm?
Father- Yes son. But don't use that word, its for grown ups.
Subject: see that
Date: Oct 31 2006 12:24:28 AM
Author: see that
See that spot on his boot? That's part of Sir Firsty's brain matter.
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